Chapter 247

Tragedy in Newfoundland

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, a Twillingate, NFLD man answered his door to find two grim-faced RCMP officers.

"We're sorry Mr. Flynn, but we have some information about your wife," said one of the officers.

"Tell me! Did you find her?!" Cedric Flynn asked.

The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?"

Fearing the worst, Mr. Flynn said, "Give me the bad news first."

The RCMP officer said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in the bay."

"Lord sufferin' Jesus!" exclaimed Flynn.

Swallowing hard, he asked, "What could possibly be the good news?"

The officer continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 of the best looking Atlantic Lobsters that you have ever seen clinging to her. Haven't seen lobsters like that since the 1960's, and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch."

Stunned, Mr. Flynn demanded, "If that's the good news, then what's the great news?"

The officer replied, "We're gonna pull her up again tomorrow."

This little one is compliments of Bob

Know the difference between a women's track team and a tribe of pygmy's? One is a cunning bunch of runts; the other is...

This one is compliments of chuck...

Now if could be a repeat, but is worth a second read ... Jack

A 65 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

While on the operating table she had a near death experience ... Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?"

God said, "No, you have another 33 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck.

She even had someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital.

While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 33 years?

Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"

God replied: " I didn't recognize you!!!!!"