Chapter 242

The following group are compliments of Chuck ... enjoy

A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy a carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.

The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"

He replied, "They had avocados."

If you're a woman, I'm sure you're going back to read it again. Men will get it the first time.

Water in the carburetor

WIFE: "There is trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor."

HUSBAND: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous"

WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."

HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I'll check it out. Where's the car?

WIFE: "In the river"

This is a frightening statistic!

25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness.

That's scary. It means 75% are running around untreated.

A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decided to buy her a mobile phone. He showed her the phone and explained to her all of its features.

Meg was excited to receive the gift and simply adored her new phone.

The next day Meg went shopping. Her phone rang and, to her astonishment, it was her husband on the other end.

"Hi Meg," he said, "how do you like your new phone?"

Meg replied, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice is clear as a bell, but there's one thing I don't understand though..."

"What's that, sweetie?" asked her husband.

"How did you know I was at Dillard's?

He must pay!

Husband and wife had a tiff. Wife called up her Mum and said, "He fought with me again, I am coming to live with you."

Mum said, "No darling, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to live with you.

A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a family nude beach...

As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the women have boobs bigger than his mother's, so he goes back to ask her why.

She tells her son, 'The bigger they are, the sillier the lady is.'

The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger things than his dad does.

She replies, 'The bigger they are, the dumber the man is'

Again satisfied with her answer, the boy goes back to the ocean to play

Shortly thereafter, the boy returns and promptly tells his mother :

"Daddy is talking to the silliest lady on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets."

This one is compliments of Gary:

Guy sits in the patent office all day waiting to see the main guy to get his product patented. Finally, at almost closing time, the secretary tells him that he can go in.

The boss apologized about having him wait as long as he did, but explained that they had been very busy that day.

"So, how can I help you, sir?" the boss said.

The man looked up at him and said, "I want to patent this new flavor of lollipop that I have developed."

The boss looks at the man and says, "Oh I'm so sorry sir, but we have all the flavors that you can think of patented already. Everything from lemon to lasagna to whatever you can think of."

The man says, "But you don't have this flavor, I'll bet!"

"And what flavor might that be?" says the boss.

The man says, "My lollipop tastes like pussy!"

"Yeah right," says the boss. "I can't believe that."

The man pulls a lollipop from his briefcase, unwraps it and hands it to the boss. "Here, taste it for yourself."

The boss licks it a couple of times and states, "Yuck, this tastes like shit!"

"Turn it around, turn it around," says the man.