Chapter 230

How Moses Got the 10 Commandments

God went to the Arabs and said, 'I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better.'

The Arabs asked, 'What are Commandments?'

And the Lord said, 'They are rules for living.'

'Can you give us an example?'

'Thou shall not kill.'

'Not kill? We're not interested... '

So He went to the Blacks and said, 'I have Commandments.'

The Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said,

'Honor thy Father and Mother.'

'Father? We don't know who our fathers are. We're not interested.'

Then He went to the Mexicans and said, 'I have Commandments.'

The Mexicans also wanted an example, and the Lord said 'Thou shall not steal.' 'Not steal? We're not interested.'

Then He went to the French and said, 'I have Commandments.'

The French too wanted an example and the Lord said, 'Thou shall not commit adultery.'

'Sacre bleu!!! Not commit adultery? We're not interested.'

Finally, He went to the Jews and said, 'I have Commandments... '

'Commandments?' They said, 'How much are they?'

'They're free.'

'We'll take 10.'

There. That, should piss off just about everybody...

IN RESPONSE TO ALL THE RECENT E-MAILS ABOUT OUR DOG: PLEASE BE ADVISED, WE ARE SICK AND TIRED OF ANSWERING QUESTIONS ABOUT HIM.

YES, HE BIT SIX PEOPLE WEARING TRUDEAU T-SHIRTS, FOUR PEOPLE WEARING KATHLEEN WYNNE T-SHIRTS, TWO CAR DRIVERS WITH RAP MUSIC BLARING FROM THEIR VEHICLES, NINE TEENAGERS WITH PANTS HANGING PAST THEIR ASS CRACKS, THREE FLAG BURNERS, AND A PAKISTANI UBER DRIVER.

AND FOR THE LAST TIME ... THE DOG IS NOT FOR SALE!

NO, I DO NOT APPROVE OF HIS SMOKING, BUT HE SAYS IT HELPS GET THE "BAD TASTE" OUT OF HIS MOUTH.

The following is a thought piece, it is not your interest, don't read ... Jack

Taxi Driver

I arrived at the address and honked the horn.

After waiting a few minutes I honked again.

Since this was going to be my last ride of my shift I thought about just driving away, but instead I put the car in park and walked up to the door and knocked...

'Just a minute', answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor. After a long pause, the door opened.

A small woman in her 90's stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940's movie.

By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets.

There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.

'Would you carry my bag out to the car?' she said.

I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman.

She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb. She kept thanking me for my kindness.

'It's nothing', I told her. 'I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother to be treated.'

'Oh, you're such a good boy, ' she said.