Chapter 23

Husband's call to his wife:

"Honey it's me. I don't want to alarm you but I was hit by a car as I was leaving the office. Paula brought me to the hospital. They have checked me over and done some tests and some x-rays. The blow to my head was severe. Fortunately it did not cause any serious internal injury. However I have three broken ribs, a compound fracture in the left leg, and they think they may have to amputate my right foot."

Wife's Response:

"Who the fuck is Paula?"

And if you find that hard to believe, you've never been married.

CRA Tax Return

This story is said to be true: The Canadian Revenue Agency actually commented on this one. Something to ponder ... but, still worth a broad Smile!

Amazing, but true, if you think about it, and it shows the importance of accuracy in your tax return.

The CRA has returned the Tax Return to a man in Canada after he apparently answered one of the questions incorrectly.

In response to the question,... "Do you have anyone dependent on you?"

The man wrote:... "2.1 million illégal immigrants, 1.1 million crackheads, 4.4 million unemployable scroungers,

80,000 criminals in over 85 prisons plus 650 idiots in Parliament and the entire group that call themselves Politicians".

The CRA stated that the response he gave was unacceptable.

The man's response back to the CRA was,... "Who did I leave out?"

An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly.

"Okay," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"

The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."

To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss

God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when you don't know shit?"

Compliments of J. P.

Hot Coffee

I was eating breakfast with my 10-year-old granddaughter when I asked her,

"What is important about Monday, February 16, 2015?"

Without skipping a beat she said,

"It's Presidents Day!"

I then asked her,

"What does Presidents Day mean?"

I was waiting for something honorable about Obama, Bush or Clinton.

Instead, she replied,

"Presidents Day is when the President steps out of the White House and if he sees his shadow we have another year of bull shit."

You know, it hurts when hot coffee spurts out your nose!

Compliments of Tiller

Wife is trying on a new pair of jeans and asks hubby, "Does my butt look big in these?"

"Not as big as the outfit you wore yesterday"

And then the fight started...