Chapter 227

NEWFIE FINGERS

Johnny was working at the fish plant in Carbonear when he accidentally cut off all ten of his fingers.

He went to the emergency room in St. John's and when he got there the doctor looked at Johnny and said 'Let's have da fingers and I'll see what I can do.'

Johnny said, 'I haven't got da fingers.'

'What do you mean, you haven't got da fingers?' shrieked the doctor.

'Lord t'undrin Jesus it's 2015! We's got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put dem back on and made you like new! Why didn't you bring da fingers?'

Are you ready for this?????

Johnny says... 'How da fuck was I supposed to pick dem up??

This one is compliments of RabbiRabbit

A car full of Irish nuns is sitting at a traffic light in downtown Dublin, when a bunch of rowdy drunks pull up alongside of them.

"Hey, show us yer teets, ya bloody penguins!" shouts one of the drunks.

Quite shocked, Mother Superior turns to Sister

Mary Immaculata and says, "I don't think they know who we are; show them your cross."

Sister Mary Immaculata rolls down her window and shouts, "Piss off, ya fookin' little wankers, before I come over there and rip yer balls off!"

Sister Mary Immaculata then rolls up her window, looks back at Mother Superior, quite innocently, and asks, "Did that sound cross enough?"