Chapter 223

This one is compliments of Chuck ... with thanks...

Political incorrects

Low Battery: A man saved his girlfriend's phone number on his mobile as 'Low Battery'.

Whenever she calls him, in his absence, his wife takes the telephone and plugs it into the charger. Give that man a medal.

Two Thai girls asked me if I'd like to go bed with them; they said it would be just like winning Lotto! I agreed, and they were right.

We all stripped off, and to my horror, we had six matching balls!

If you get an email telling you that you can catch swine flu from tins of ham then delete it.

It's spam.

Boobs are proof that men can focus on two things at once.

I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles.

My next crap could spell disaster.

Went out last night and got really wasted.

I woke up this morning next to a fat old bird who was snoring and farting so, at least I got home OK.

Women worry about the things men forget.

Men worry about the things women remember.

I got kicked out of Mathematics class today.

The teacher asked me ''What comes after 69?''

Apparently "mouthwash'' was the wrong answer!!

According to Tetley the best way to make a cup of tea is to agitate the bag.

So every morning I slap her arse and say ''Two Sugars Fatty''

Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control in Athens airport.

"Nationality?" asks the immigration officer.

"German," she replies.

"Occupation?

"No, just here for a few days."

An assortment of high powered weapons and a stash of drugs including cocaine, heroin and ecstacy have been found behind the Job Centre in Liverpool.

The locals are said to be in a state of shock ... They had no idea they had a Job Centre!

Got caught having a piss in the local swimming pool today.

The lifeguard shouted at me so loud I nearly fell in.

I have sex daily.

I mean dyslexia! Fcuk!

I was sent to Prison and I said to my cell mate, "I won't be in here long."

He replied, "Well, the Judge did give you 6 years."

"Yeah I know, but I think my wife will break me out. She's never let me finish a @#@#ing sentence before.