Chapter 222

Senior Computer Skills...

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?

Customer: A white one...

Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon to the left of the screen.

Customer: Your left or my left?

Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'can't find printer'.

I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.

Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?

Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.

Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.

Customer: OK

Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?

Customer: Yes

Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in.

Customer: I can't get on the Internet.

Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?

Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.

Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?

Customer: Five dots.

Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?

Customer: Netscape.

Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.

Customer: Oh, sorry ... Internet Explorer...

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

Tech support: How may I help you?

Customer: I'm writing my first email.

Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?

Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the little circle around it?

This one and the next are our personal favorites!

A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.

Tech support: Are you running it under windows?

Customer: 'No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point.

The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.'

And last but not least!

Tech support: 'Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time.

That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager.'

Customer: I don't have a P.

Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.

Customer: What do you mean?

Tech support: 'P' ... on your keyboard, Bob.

Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT

This one is compliments of Chuck...

Who the hell is Eric?

Well, Eric is the geezer who got home late one night:

Marilyn his wife was waiting for him with...

"Where the hell have you been?"

Eric replies "I was getting a tattoo!"

"A tattoo? What kind of tattoo did you get?"

"I got a hundred dollar bill tattooed on my willy" he said proudly.

"What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in disgust.

"Why on earth would a Certified Public Accountant get a hundred dollar bill

tattooed on his willy?"

"Well ... One, I like to watch my money grow.

Two, once in a while I like to play with my money.

Three, I like how money feels in my hand...

And lastly ... Instead of you going out shopping all the time,

now you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks

anytime you want!!"

Eric is presently in the Intensive Care Unit.

I'm afraid there are no visitors until further notice!