Chapter 221

Miracle Surgeons

Three Toronto surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed. One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Ontario. In my favorite case, a concert pianist lost seven fingers in an accident, I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England.

The second surgeon said. "That's nothing. A young man lost an arm and both legs in an accident, I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold Medal in track and field events in the Olympics

The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs". Several years ago a woman was high on cocaine and marijuana and she rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the woman's blonde hair and the horse's ass. I was able to put them together and now she's premier of Ontario

TRIP TO ITALY

A young New York woman was so depressed she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. Just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her. "You have so much to live for," he said. "I'm a sailor and we are off to Italy tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy. When we get to Italy you will be SO GLAD you're alive"

With nothing to lose and always wanting to see Italy, she accepted.

That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the ship's hold.

From then on, every night, he would bring her sandwiches, a bottle of red wine, and make love to her until dawn.

Two weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection. "What are you doing here?" asked the captain.

"I have an arrangement with a sailor," she replied. "He brings me food and I get a free trip to Italy."

"I see," the captain says. Then her conscience got the best of her, and she added, "Plus, he's screwing me."

"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."

This one is compliments of Lew

How about this one?

Roses are red, Nuts are brown,

Skirts go up, pants go down;

Body to body, skin to skin,

When it's stiff, stick it in.

It goes in dry and comes out wet, and the longer it's in the stronger it gets.

It comes out dripping and it starts to sag,

It's not what you think,

It's a LIPTON Tea Bag!

GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER!!!

Please note this following Joke is very disgusting, crude and actually creepy.

Don't read if you have a weak stomach.

It is compliments of Anonymous after reading it you will know why...

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Two men and a woman went on an afternoon cruise. A sudden storm capsized their vessel and left them stranded on a deserted island. After two weeks, they realized that they were not going to be rescued, and agreed to live as husband, wife, and husband. Two weeks later the woman became ashamed of what she was doing, and committed suicide. Two weeks later, the two men became ashamed of what they were doing, so they buried her. Two weeks later, the two men became ashamed of what they were doing, so they dug her back up.