Chapter 211

When Ahmed was just a youngster, he went to the drug store and asked the pharmacist, "Sir, can you tell me where the ribbed condoms are?"

The chemist replied, "Son, do you know what condoms are used for?"

"Sure do. They keep you from getting venereal diseases."

The Pharmacist was impressed. "That's right, son. Do you know what the ribs are for?"

Ahmed paused and then answered, "Well, not really, but they sure do make the hair on my goat's back stand up."

Now, here is an interesting subject --

Aphorism – a short, pointed sentence that emits/expresses a wise or clever observation or a general truth.

1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.

2. Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.

3. If you don't have a sense of humour, you probably don't have any sense at all.

4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.

5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.

6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?

7. Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.

8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?

9. Stroke a cat and you will have a permanent job.

10. No one has more driving ambition than the teenage boy who wants to buy a car.

11. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.

12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 a.m.; for example, it could be the right number.

13. No one ever says "It's only a game" when their team is winning.

14. I've reached the age where 'happy hour' is a nap.

15. Be careful about reading the fine print. There's no way you're going to like it.

16. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.

17. Do you realize that, in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with <saggy> tattoos?

18. Money can't buy happiness, but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Cadillac than in a Chevy.

19. After 65, if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you're probably dead.

20. Always be yourself because the people who matter don't mind and the ones who mind don't matter.

21. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

And REMEMBER...

"POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS SHOULD BE CHANGED OFTEN AND FOR THE SAME REASON"

She hurried to the pharmacy to get medication, got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys inside.

The woman found an old rusty coat hanger left on the ground. She looked at it and said, "I don't know how to use this."

She bowed her head and asked God to send her some HELP. Within 5 minutes, a beat-up old motorcycle pulled up,

Driven by a bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag. He got off of his cycle and asked if he could help.

She said, "Yes, my daughter is sick. I've locked my keys in my car. I must get home.

Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?"

He said, "Sure." He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute, the car was open.

She hugged the man and through tears said, "Thank You, God, for sending me such a very nice man."

The man heard her little prayer and replied, "Lady, I am NOT a nice man. I just got out of prison yesterday;

I was in prison for car theft."

The woman hugged the man again, sobbing, "Oh, thank you, God! You even sent me a professional!"

Is GOD great or what!?!

This is compliments of Chuck

Apple does it Again!...

Apple announced today that it has developed a breast implant that can store and play music.

The iTit will cost from $499 to $699, depending on cup and speaker size. This is considered a major social breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listing to them.