Chapter 202

These are compliments of Needle Noddle-noo And Paul both sent me the following...

Stolen from George Takei:

1. Parallel lines have so much in common.
   It's a shame they'll never meet.

2. My wife accused me of being immature.
   I told her to get out of my fort.

3. Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.
   Then they call me ugly and poor.

4. How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
   One, they're efficient and not very funny.

5. What do you call a dog with no legs?
   It doesn't matter; it's not going to come.

6. Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they're gonna pay.
   You have my Word.

7. What's green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?
   A pool table.

8. Apparently, someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.
   Poor bastard.

9. I went to a really emotional wedding the other day.
   Even the cake was in tiers.

10. We have a genetic predisposition for diarrhea.
    Runs in our jeans.

11. A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building.
    He yells "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

12. A hot blonde orders a double entendre at the bar.
    The bartender gave it to her.

13. Want to hear a word I just made up?
    Plagiarism.

14. Why do cows wear bells?
    Because their horns don't work.

15. What did the pirate say when he turned 80?
    Aye Matey.

16. To the handicapped guy who stole my bag--
    You can hide but you can't run.

17. I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him run faster.
    If anything, it made him more sluggish.

18. And the Lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life"
    But John came fifth, and won a toaster.

19. Q: How do you think the unthinkable?
    A: With an itheberg.

20. Someone stole my mood ring.
    I don't know how I feel about that.

21. I tried to catch fog yesterday--
    Mist.

22. The first rule of Alzheimer's club--
    Is don't talk about chess club.

23. Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
    If it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan.

24. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
    She looked surprised.

This one is compliments of Dennis

This happened to a friend of mine. Beware, it could happen to you. Ladies, please pass this on to your husbands, fathers, uncles, etc. so they will not fall prey to this scam.

Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it.

A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular customers at Lowe's, Home Depot, Costco, or even Wal-Mart. This one caught me totally by surprise. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.

Here's how the scam works:

Two nice-looking, college-aged girls will come over to your car or truck as you are packing your purchases into your vehicle. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. (It's impossible not to look).

When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' but instead ask for a ride to McDonald's.

You agree and they climb into the vehicle. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen Mar. 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th, & 29th. Also Apr. 1st & 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd, 26th & 27th, and very likely again this upcoming weekend.

So tell your friends to be careful. What a horrible way to take advantage of us older men. Warn your friends to be vigilant.

Wal-Mart has wallets on sale for $2.99 each. I found even cheaper ones for $ .99 at the dollar store and bought them out in three of their stores.

Also, you never get to eat at McDonald's. I've already lost 11 pounds just running back and forth from Lowe's, to Home Depot, to Costco, Etc.

So please, send this on to all the older men that you know and warn them to be on the lookout for this scam. (The best times are just before lunch and around 4:30 in the afternoon.)