Chapter 198

These are compliments of chuck ... With thanks...

A handful of 7 year old children in Australia were asked what they thought of beer.

There were some interesting responses, but the last one is especially touching.

'I think beer must be good. My dad says the more beer he drinks the pretttier my mum gets.'

--Tim, 7 years old

'Beer makes my dad sleepy and we get to watch what we want on television when he is asleep, so beer is nice.'

--Melanie, 7 years old

'My Mum and Dad both like beer. My Mum gets funny when she drinks it and takes her top off at parties, but Dad doesn't think this is very funny.'

--Grady, 7 years old

''My Mum and Dad talk funny when they drink beer and the more they drink the more they give kisses to each other, which is a good thing.'

--Toby, 7 years old

'My Dad loves beer. The more he drinks, the better he dances.

One time he danced right into the pool.'

--Lily, 7 years old

'I don't like beer very much. Every time Dad drinks it, he burns the sausages on the barbecue and they taste disgusting.'

--Ethan, 7 years old

'I give Dad's beer to the dog and he goes to sleep.'

--Shirley, 7 years old

AND THE BEST RESPONSE

'My Mum drinks beer and she says silly things and picks on my father.

Whenever she drinks beer she yells at Dad and tells him to go bury his bone down the street again, but that doesn't make any sense.'

--Jack, 7 years

This is also compliements of chuck

Little Johnny is always a real "piece of work"

The Polite Way to Pee

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: 'Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her you have to go to the bathroom?'

Michael said: 'Excuse me, I need to pee.'

The teacher responded: 'That would be quite impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?' Sherman said: 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.'

'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?'

Johnny said: 'I would say "Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner.'

The teacher fainted.

These are compliments of Allen

A 50-year-old lawyer who had been practicing since

he was 25 years old died and arrived at the pearly

gates of heaven. The lawyer said to St. Peter, "I

am surprised I died so young. I was very active

and always ate well. And I'm only 50 years old!"

St. Peter looked at his book and looked back down

at the lawyer. "Fifty years old, you say?

According to your billing records, you should be

83."

What's the difference between female prosecutors

and terrorists?

... You can negotiate with terrorists.

The tooth fairy, an honest lawyer, and an

expensive, dishonest lawyer are in the same room.

There is a $500 bill on a table in the room. When

they leave, the money is gone. Who took it?

... Since there is no such thing as the tooth

fairy, the answer is obvious.

What can a goose do that a duck can't do that a

lawyer won't do?

... Stick his bill up his ass.

What do you call parachuting lawyers?

... Skeet.

How do you greet a lawyer with an IQ of 50?

... "Good morning, your honor."

What do lawyers use for birth control?

... Their personalities.

Why does California have the most lawyers and New

Jersey the most toxic waste dumps?

... New Jersey had first choice!

Why do pharmaceutical company laboratories now use

lawyers rather than lab rats for testing?

... Lawyers breed faster, so there are more of

them.

... Lab personnel don't get as emotionally

attached to them.

... Lawyers do things rats won't.

... Animal protection groups don't get nearly as

excited.

... Some people actually LIKE rats.

What's black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?

... Two dobermans!

What happens when a lawyer is made godfather?

... He makes you an offer you can't understand.

What's the difference between a lawyer and a snake

run down on the highway?

... Skid marks in front of the snake.