Chapter 186

The following are compliments of Mikey

Subject: Old Farts

****The Garage Door ****

The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to him and said, 'This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?' The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question. As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open

& zipped it up. He then understood his assistant's question about his

'garage door.' He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, 'When my garage door was open, did you see my Jaguar parked in there?' She smiled and said,

"No, I didn't. All I saw was an old tired minivan with two flat tires..."

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says:

"Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"

Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'

"Really!? Like a newborn baby!?"

"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just pooped my pants."

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:

'So I hear you're getting married?'

'Yep!'

'Do I know her?'

'Nope!'

'This woman, is she good looking?'

'Not really.'

'Is she a good cook?'

'Naw, she can't cook too well.'

'Does she have lots of money?'

'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'

'Well, then, is she good in bed?'

'I don't know.'

'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'

'Because she can still drive and she has a car!'

Three old guys are out walking...

First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'*

Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'*

Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer... '*

A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars but it's the state of the art. It's perfect.'

'Really? answered the neighbor. What kind is it?'

Twelve thirty... '

Morris, an 82 year-old man went to the doctor to get a physical.

A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to

Morris and said, "You're really doing great aren't you?"

Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc:

'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"

The doctor said "I didn't say that ... I said,

'You've got a heart murmur; be careful!!"

And one more... !

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice creamparlour and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.

After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly,"Crushed nuts?"

"No," he replied, "Arthritis."