Chapter 184

Dangers of Ironing

A Newfie had two red ears, and so went to the doctor. The doctor asked the Newfie what happened to the ears?

'Well, I was ironing me shirt and the phone rang ... and instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up me iron and ... stuck it to me ear.'

"Oh Dear!" The doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But ... that doesn't explain the other red ear.

What happened to your other ear?"

The son-of-a-bitch called back.

This one is compliments of Dorset

My wife is suffering from depression. She phoned me the other day and said "I feel like jumping in front of a bus and you're not doing anything to help".

So I sent her a timetable.

My wife just asked me if her appendix scar made her look unattractive.

Apparently the response of "don't worry babe, your tits cover it" wasn't the answer she was looking for.

A man walks into a crowded bar with a loaded gun and shouts "who's been screwing my wife?" a voice in the back shouts " you don't have enough bullets"...

I cannot stand people who think they're worse off than everybody else.

My mate Don is brilliant. He had a bad accident where he lost his voice and both legs. Does he make a song and dance about it?. Does he hell!