Chapter 183

Why Teachers DRINK

The following questions were set in a GED examination. These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds – 'selected')

Q. Name the four seasons

A ... Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q. How is dew formed.

A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on

A ... If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed.

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections

A ... Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

Q. What are steroids

A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs...

(Shoot yourself now, there is little hope)

Q ... What happens to your body as you age

A ... When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty

A ... He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

(So true)

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.

A ... Premature death.

Q. What is artificial insemination

A ... When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour

A ... Keep it in the cow.

(Simple, but brilliant)

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)

A ... The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O, U (wtf!)

Q. What is the fibula?

A ... A small lie.

Q. What does 'varicose' mean?

A ... Nearby.

Q. What is the most common form of birth control

A ... Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.

(That would work)

Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'

A ... The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

Q. What is a seizure?

A ... A Roman Emperor.

(Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)

Q. What is a terminal illness

A. When you are sick at the airport.

(Irrefutable)

Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?

A ... Benign is what you will be after you be eight

(brilliant).

Q. What is a turbine?

A ... Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head. Once an Arab boy reaches puberty, he removes his diaper and wraps it around his head.