Chapter 176

A woman goes to her Doctor in Glasgow, worried about her husband's temper and threatening manner.

The doctor asks: "Whits gean on Janet?

"Weeell Doctor, I dinae know what to do. Every time ma hubbie comes home drunk, he threatens to slap me aroon'."

"Aye, well" replies the doctor, "I have a real good cure for that. When your husband arrives home intoxicated, take a wee glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until he goes to bed and is sound asleep."

Two weeks later she comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

"Doctor that was brilliant!" she says. "Evrae time ma hubbie came home drunk, I swished with water. I swished an' swished, and he didnae touch me even once! Tell me Doc ... wha's the secret? How's the water do tha'?"

"Janet, hen, it's really nae big secret. The water does bugger all - it's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick..."

A guy sits down at the bar and orders drink after drink.

"Is everything okay, pal?" the bartender asks.

"My wife and I got into a fight and she said she isn't talking to me for a month!"

Trying to put a positive spin on things, the bartender says,

"Well, maybe that's kind of a good thing. You know,. A little peace and quiet?"

"Yeah. But today is the last day!"