Chapter 169

Unstoppable Virus...

I decided to only send it to my "older" friends and when I was done, the list was longer than I thought...

I thought you would want to know about this e-mail virus. Even the most advanced programs from Norton or McAfee cannot take care of this one. It appears to affect those who were born prior to 1950.

Symptoms:

1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice. Done that!

2. Causes you to send a blank e-mail! That too!

3. Causes you to send e-mail to the wrong person. Yep!

4. Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you. Aha!

5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment. Well darn!

6. Causes you to hit "SEND" before you've finished. Oh, no not again!

7. Causes you to hit "DELETE" instead of "SEND." And I just hate that!

8. Causes you to hit "SEND" when you should "DELETE." Oh No!

IT'S CALLED THE "C-NILE VIRUS."

Have I already sent this to you? Or did you send it to me?

After filing their personal tax returns by April 30th, many Canadians will again receive a tax refund.

This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it in a Q & A format:

Q. What is a tax refund payment?

A. It's money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q ... Where will the government get this money?

A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?

A. Only a very small bit of it.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?

A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?

A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the Canadian economy by spending your tax refund wisely:

* If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka.

* If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.

* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India, Taiwan or China.

* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala.

* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea.

* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan.

* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

Instead, keep the money in Canada by:

1) Spending it at yard sales, or

2) Going to hockey games, or

3) Spending it on prostitutes, or

4) Beer or

5) Tattoos.

(These are the only "truly" Canadian businesses still operating)

Conclusion: