Chapter 158

Will I Live to see 80?

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing fairly well for my age. (I am past seventy).

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking her, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?'

He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor?'

'Oh no, ' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'

Then she asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?'

'I said, 'Not much ... My former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'

'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?'

'No, I don't, ' I said.

He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?'

'No, ' I said...

He looked at me and said, 'Then, why do you even give a shit?'

To the Horticulturists among you...

A woman loved growing tomatoes, but couldn't seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. One day, while taking a stroll,

She came upon a gentleman neighbour who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes.

The woman asked the gentleman,

"What do you do to get your tomatoes so red?"

The gentleman responded, "Well, twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden naked in my trench coat and flash them.

My tomatoes turn red from blushing so much."

Well, the woman was so impressed; she decided to try. doing the same thing to her tomato garden to see if it would work. So twice a day for two weeks she flashed herself in her garden hoping for the best.

One day the gentleman was passing by and asked the woman,

"By the way, how did you make out? Did your tomatoes turn red?"

No", she replied, "but my cucumbers are enormous."