Chapter 146

These are compliments of gimpy

Why did the religious conservative want more testing in the public schools?

Because Bill O'Rielly on Fox News said "That as long as there are tests, there will be prayer in the public schools"

Father William, the old priest, made it a practice to visit the parish school one day a week. He walked into the 4th grade class, where the children were studying the states, and asked them how many states they could name. They came up with about 40 names.

Father William jokingly told them that in his day students knew the names of all the states.

One lad raised his hand and said, Yes sir, but in those days there were only 13 states.

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun.

Then one day she comes home and finds her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up ... you're next!"

Why did the blonde have bruises around her navel?

She had a blonde boyfriend.

This one is Compliments of dave m

One night a father was helping his son with his homework.

The father asked "What is the Gross National Product?"

The little boy pondered for a minute and replied "Spinach?"

This one is compliments of bob.

Don and Frank, two friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems.

One day Frank didn't show up. Don didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something. But after Frank hadn't shown up for a week or so, Don really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Don didn't know where Frank lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.

A month had passed, and Don figured he had seen the last of Frank, but one day, Don approached the park and -- lo and behold -- there sat Frank! Don was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said, "For crying out loud Frank, what in the world happened to you?"

Frank replied, "I have been in jail."

"Jail!" cried Don. "What in the world for?"

"Well," Frank said, "you know Jane, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I sometimes go?"

"Yeah," said Don, "I remember her. What about her?"

"Well, one day she filed rape charges against me; and, at 95 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded 'guilty'."

"The damn judge gave me 30 days for perjury."

This one is compliments of Gary

What's the difference between 'erotic' and 'kinky'?

With erotic you use a feather.

With kinky you use the whole damned chicken!