Chapter 135

This one is compliments of Larry Hindsight The pour bugger was very upset!!!!

A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She put on her robe and went downstairs. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appeared to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She saw him wipe a tear from his eye and take a sip of his coffee. "What's the matter, dear?" she whispered as she stepped into the room.

"Why are you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looked up from his coffee.

"Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asked.

"Yes, I do," she replied. The husband paused. The words were not coming easily.

"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?"

"Yes, I remember," said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continued. "Do you remember when he shoved that shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or spend 20 years in jail?'"

"I remember that too," she replied softly.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "You know ... I would have gotten out today."

Short ones

How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch.

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why are men and parking spaces alike?
Because all the good ones are taken and the only ones left are disabled.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

Why does the bride always wear white?
Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half mast?
They're hiring.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.

What's the difference between a Southern zoo, and a Northern zoo?
A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front the cage, along with a recipe.

How do you get a sweet little 80 year old lady to say F___?
Get another sweet little 80 year old lady to yell "Bingo."

What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern fairytale?
A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time."
A Southern fairytale begins "'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit."