Chapter 117

This is compliments of an Anonymous Reader

Two Scandinavians walk into a pet shop in the US.

They head to the bird 
section and Sven says to

Hans, "Dat's dem." The owner comes over 
and asks if he can help them. "Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little
 budgies in dat cage up dere," says Sven. The owner puts the budgies in a
 paper bag. Hans and Sven pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Sven's 
pick-up and drive to the top of the Conor Pass. At the Conor

Pass, 
Sven looks down at the 1000-foot drop and says, "Dis looks like a grand place."

He takes two birds out of the bag, puts them on his shoulders and 
jumps off the cliff. Hans watches as Sven falls all the way to the
 bottom, killing himself stone dead. Looking down at the remains of his 
best pal, Hans shakes his head and says, "Dis budgie jumping is too


dangerous for me."


Moments later Ole arrives up at Conor Pass. He's been to the pet
shop too and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another paper
bag in one hand and a shotgun in the other. "Hi, Hans.

Watch dis," Ole says. 
He takes a parrot from the bag and throws himself over the edge of the
 cliff. Hans watches as half way down, Ole takes the gun and shoots the 
parrot. Ole continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom
and breaks every bone in his body. Hans shakes his head and says, "And
 I'm never trying dat parrotshooting either."



Hans is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Lars 
appears. He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a paper 
bag out of which he pulls a chicken. Lars then grasps the chicken by the
 legs holds it over his head and hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine.
 Once more Hans shakes his head - "First der was Sven with his budgie jumping, den Ole parrotshooting ... and now Lars is hengliding...

This one is compliments of Marc the Unruly

This is an actual piece of Graffiti.

A sign in a birthing suite said:

THE FIRST 3 MINUTES OF LIFE CAN BE THE MOST

DANGEROUS.

Underneath someone added:

The last 3 minutes are pretty dodgy too!

This one is compliments of Davenothere

Dogs vs. Wives!

Fourteen Logical Reasons Why Some Men Have Dogs

And Not Wives:

1. The later you are home, the more excited your dog is to see you.

2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

3. Dogs like it if you leave lots of things on the floor.

4. Dogs' parents never visit.

5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go, instantly, 24 hours a day.

7. Dogs find you amusing when you're pissed.

8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

9. Dogs won't wake you up at night to ask: "If I died, would you get another dog?"

10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and sell 'em.

11. When you drop a silent one, dogs don't run around frantically with room spray.

12. Dogs never tell you to stop scratching your balls. Instead, they sit pondering why you don't lick 'em.

13. If a dog smells another dog on you, it won't kick you in the crotch; it just finds it interesting.

14. If a dog runs off and leaves you, it won't take half your stuff.

To verify these statements: Lock your wife and your dog in the garage for an hour.

Then open the door and observe who's happy to see you!