Chapter 110

Inappropriate Remark

New Panties

To spice up her dead sex-life, she puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on the sofa opposite her husband. At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs ... enough times that her husband finally asks,

"Are you wearing crotch less panties?"

"Y-e-s," she answers with a seductive smile.

"Thank God - I thought you were sitting on the cat."

He never heard the gunshot.

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's Mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000

jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York. This would have been the largest single shipment of

mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico...

But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank. The

people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning.

The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5 and is known, of course, as - 'Sinko De Mayo'.

WHAT??? You expected something educational from me?

You need a shot of Tequila.

Hellmann's Mayonnaise

The Irish Millionaire.

Mick, from Dublin, appeared on 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire'

and towards the end of the program had already won 500,000 pounds.

"You've done very well so far," said Chris Tarrant, the show's presenter,

"but for a million pounds you've only got one life-line left?

phone a friend. Everything is riding on this question ... will you go for it?"

"Sure," said Mick. "I'll have a go!"

"Which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest?

a) Sparrow

b) Thrush,

c) Magpie,

d) Cuckoo?"

"I haven't got a clue." said Mick,

''so I'll use last lifeline and phone my friend Paddy back home in Dublin."

Mick called up his mate, and told him the circumstances and repeated the question to him.

"Fookin hell, Mick!" cried Paddy. "Dat's simple ... It's a cuckoo."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm fookin sure."

Mick hung up the phone and told Chris, "I'll go wit Cuckoo as my answer."

"Is that your final answer?" asked Chris.

"

Dat it is, Sir."

There was a long - long pause, and then the presenter screamed, "Cuckoo is the correct answer!

Mick, you've won 1 million pounds!"

The next night, Mick invited Paddy to their local pub to buy him a drink.

"Tell me, Paddy?

How in Heaven's name did you know it was da Cuckoo that doesn't build its own nest?"

"Because he lives in a Fookin clock!"