Chapter 105

These are compliments of Igor:

What's the definition of an intellectual?

An intellectual is someone that can hear the 'William Tell Overture' without thinking of The Lone Ranger.

Love is in the air...

"What would you like for dinner, my love? Chicken, Beef or Lamb?"

I said, "Thank you, dear, I think I'll have chicken."

She replied, "You're having soup, asshole. I was talking to the cat."

This one is compliments of tediebaere

A penguin was driving along a highway in the mid west of the USA, when all of a sudden he noticed smoke coming out from under the hood of his car.

Hoping he is able to make it to a service station he keeps going. About 10 minuets later he pulls into a full service service station with black smoke billowing out from under his hood. The mechanic seeing his predicament tells him to pull on in to the service bay.

Telling the penguin that it will be a bit before he is able to diagnose the problem the mechanic tells the penguin to have a seat in the waiting area. The penguin not wanting to wait around in the hot room, walks around town to see what he can find. A few minuets later he sees an ice cream shop and decides that an ice cream cone sounds like a great way to deal with the heat. Walking on in he tells the man behind the counter that he wants a double scoop of vanilla on a waffle cone.

Paying for his treat he walks out and back towards the station. He gets back to the station just as he finishes his cone with ice cream all around his face and beak.

The mechanic walks out and says "Looks like you blew a seal."

The penguin frantically wipes off his face and says "No it was ice cream, I swear!"

This one is compliments of waywardboy

The teacher was holding up pictures of the animals and letting the kids identify them. They went thru cat, dog, horse, cow, and several others and then she held up a picture of a big buck with a magnificent set of horns and nobody knew.

Teacher said "I'll give you a hint. It's something your mother might call your daddy when he comes home."

From the back of the room, little Johnny says " So that's what a horny bastard looks like!!"