Chapter 102

This one compliments of larry

A Little SEC Humor

A guy from Tennessee passed away and left his entire estate to his beloved widow, but she can't touch it till she's 14.

Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in Tennessee to 32?

It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.

Q: What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in Tennessee?

A: Documentaries.

A Tennessee State Trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-64 and says to the driver, "Got any I.D.?" and the truck driver replies, "'Bout wut?"

Did you hear about the $3 million Tennessee State Lottery? The winner gets $3 a year for a million years.

The governor's mansion in Tennessee burned down! Yep. Pert' near took out the whole trailer park. The library was a total loss too. Both books - poof! – up in flames and he hadn't even finished coloring one of them.

A new law was recently passed in Tennessee. When a couple gets divorced, they are STILL cousins.

A guy walks into a bar in Tennessee and orders a mudslide. The bartender looks at the man and says, "You ain't from 'round here are ya?"

"No," replies the man, "I'm from Pennsylvania."

The bartender looks at him and says, "Well, what do ya do in Pennsylvania?"

"I'm a taxidermist," says the man.

The bartender, looking very bewildered, asks, "What in the world is a tax-e-dermist?"

The man says, "I mount animals."

The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole bar, "It's okay boys, he's one of us!"

Adult Fairy Tales

CINDERELLA wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her.

As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears, and promised to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions. "First, you must wear a diaphragm." Cinderella agrees. "What's the second condition?" "You must be home by 2:00 am. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin." Cinderella agrees to be home by 2:00 am. The appointed hour comes and goes, and Cinderella doesn't show up. Finally, at 5:00 am, Cinderella shows up, looking love struck and very satisfied. "Where have you been?" demands the Fairy Godmother. "Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!" " I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything."

The Fairy Godmother stated, "I know of no prince with that kind of power! Tell me his name!"

Cinderella replied, I can't remember, exactly,. Peter, Peter, something or other..."

PINOCCHIO had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about splinters when they were having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit Gepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper wherever indicated and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened.

A couple weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?" Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"

LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD was walking through the woods when suddenly the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a sword to her throat, said, "Red, I'm going to screw your brains out!" To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket and pulled out a... 44 magnum and pointed it at him and said, "No, you're not. You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book."

MICKEY MOUSE and MINNIE MOUSE were in divorce court and the judge said to Mickey,

"You say here that your wife is crazy." Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she's fucking Goofy."

SNOW WHITE saw Pinocchio walking through the woods so she ran up behind him, knocked him flat on his back, and then sat on his face crying, "Lie to me! Lie to me!"

Did you know ... Captain Hook died from jock itch.

One day, JANE met TARZAN in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and during her questions about his life she asked him how he engaged to have sex. "What's that?" he asked.

She explained to him what sex was and he said, "Oh, I use a hole in the trunk of a tree."

Horrified, she said, " Tarzan, you have it all wrong but I will show you how to do it properly." She took off her clothes, lay down on the ground and spread her legs. "Here," she said, "you must put it in here." Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an almighty kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed to gasp, "What the hell did you do that for?" "Just checking for bees," said Tarzan