Chapter 1000

N. B.: Idiot Trudeau is the Prime Minister of Canada ... Yes we blew it too...

A GOOD CATHOLIC JOKE The Pope and Trudeau are on the same stage in the new Edmonton Arena in front of a huge crowd. The Pope leans towards Trudeau and said “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, but will go deep into their hearts and they’ll forever speak of this day and rejoice!”

Trudeau replies, “I seriously doubt that? With one little wave of your hand ... Show me!” So the Pope backhanded him and knocked him off the stage! THE CROWD ROARED & CHEERED WILDLY and there was happiness throughout the land!

APRIL 22 – A 19-year-old Tennessee woman had a loaded handgun hidden in her vagina when she was brought into jail yesterday afternoon following a collar for driving with a suspended license, police report.

As Dallas Archer was being booked into the Kingsport jail, a female corrections officer alerted to an “unknown object” in the teenager’s crotch during a search. The jailer and a female cop then accompanied Archer to a bathroom for further examination, a review that led to the recovery of a “North American Arms 22 LR revolver (loaded) which Ms. Dallas had concealed in her vagina,” according to a Kingsport Police Department report.

A subsequent check revealed that the five-shot mini-revolver (which is four inches in length) had been “stolen from an auto burglary in 2013.” The handgun, which police valued at $250, is owned by John Souther, a 70-year-old retired car salesman.

In an interview, Souther said that the gun was taken from his 1994 Mustang, which was “ransacked” last year while parked in his Kingsport carport. Souther said that police told him that the revolver had been recovered, but offered no further details. When told where the gun had been stashed, Souther said, “Oh, gosh.” He noted that he would eventually like “the little fellow” returned, but added that the weapon would require “a bath in bleach.”

News of the weapon in Archer’s vagina was first reported by the Kingsport Times-News. Archer, seen in the above mug shot, was charged with gun possession and introducing contraband into a penal facility. According to a jail official, Archer was released from custody after posting $6000 bond.

AND NOW THE READER RESPONSES:

1. I thought it was her gun. Turns out it was snatched!
2. Gives new meaning to a gun having a “hair trigger”.
3. Happiness is a warm gun?
4. At four inches in length it comes off as half cocked.
5. “For sale AA 22 LR never used; still in the box.”
6. The report reads, “Introducing contraband into a penal facility.” Shouldn’t that be ‘penile’ facility?
7. If it went off, could you call it her ‘boom box’?
8. Remember: Every vagina is to be treated as if it is loaded. Always keep it pointed in a safe direction.
9. They say it was a gun, but something smells fishy.
10. You can have my gun when you can pry it from my cold, stinking...
11. An accident waiting to happen ... could ‘shoot the beaver’.
12. I have heard of shooting your mouth off, but this takes on a “hole” new meaning...
13. Complete reversal on the classic, “Is that a pistol in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?”
14. I wonder if she had ‘gun-areah’?
15. Gives a whole new meaning to “Vaginal Discharge”.
16. Do you suppose she had a ‘rectal reloader’?
17. A gun in hand is worth 2 in the bush?
18. Figures ... it uses ‘rim shot’ ammo.
19. This supports the “Big Bang” theory.
20. She was packing a loaded vagina.

Old is when!!

A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders
a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender
gives her the drink she says,

‘I’m on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday
and it’s today... ‘

The bartender says, ‘Well, since it’s your birthday,
I’ll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me.’

As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her
right says, ‘I would like to buy you a drink, too.’

The old woman says, ‘Thank you. Bartender, I want a
Scotch with two drops of water.’

‘Coming up,’ says the bartender

As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says,
‘I would like to buy you one, too.’

The old woman says, ‘Thank you. Bartender, I want
another Scotch with two drops of water.’

‘Coming right up,’ the bartender says.

As he gives her the drink, he says, ‘Ma’am,
I’m dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with
only two drops of water?’

The old woman replies, ‘Sonny, when you’re my age,
you’ve learned how to hold your liquor. Holding your
water, however, is a whole other issue.’

‘OLD’ IS WHEN...
Your sweetie says, ‘Let’s go upstairs
and make love,’ and you answer,
‘Pick one; I can’t do both!’

‘OLD’ IS WHEN...
Your friends compliment you
on your new alligator shoes
and you’re barefoot.

‘OLD’ IS WHEN...
A sexy babe catches your fancy
and your pacemaker opens the garage door,

‘OLD’ IS WHEN...
Going braless
pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

‘OLD’ IS WHEN...
You don’t care where your spouse goes,
just as long as you don’t have to go along.

‘OLD’ IS WHEN...
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead
of by the police