Chapter 5

Oh Jesus God get me the fuck out of here!

I leapt down the stairs two steps at a time and barely kept myself from faceplanting on the hardwood floor. I ran down the hallway and skidded to a halt just outside the living room. I hastily tried to collect myself and took a deep breath before walking into the room, trying my best to fake calmness. Thankfully Tush wasn't still playing Smash at the time. He had gotten knocked out of the game before Troy and somehow Jensen.

"Yo Tushar can we- do you mind if we- a little early..."For God's sake get afucking grip.

Tushar turned around and looked at me with one eyebrow raised. I cleared my throat and tried again. "You mind if we leave a little early? I need- Mom needs- my mom called me and she needs me home for some family emergency."

"Uh, yeah sure. No problem," Tush said as he got up from the couch.

"You guys heading out right now?" Troy asked while destroying Jensen in Smash.

"Yeah if that's cool with Tush," I replied.

"It's cool with me if you stop calling me 'Tush, '", Tush joked. "Guess we'll see you guys next week. Peace."

Tanya and Troy said their goodbyes but Jensen didn't say a word. He needed every cell in his brain to be concentrating on the game to not get pounded by Troy. While Tush and I were putting on our shoes by the front door I nervously kept my eyes up the stairs, terrified that Jill or even Marco would appear and we would make awkward eye contact. I bolted out the door and put my head on a swivel looking for Tush's car.

Tush followed me out the door and asked, "Where's Marco and Jill?"Oh God.

"Maybe they went somewhere by themselves," I stammered.

"Like where? We're balls deep in Suburbia," he countered.

I was anxious and had no idea what to say so I just shrugged animatedly. Tush shrugged too and half a minute later we were taking off in his car.

My head was swimming during the ride.Oh God now that Jill saw me see the condom she knows I know they just had sex so then she'll be paranoid and then maybe she actually will notice the window has a perfect view of Vince's room and they were having sex in the mirror and she's gonna know I was spying on them and she'll think I'm a pervert and she'll never respect me again and then we'll stop being friends and ruin our Ultimate clique and then people will wonder why there's drama between us and eventually it's gonna get out-

"Jordan!"

I jumped in my seat and looked at Tush. He shot me a quick glance to make sure he had gotten my attention.

"What?" I asked.

"I was asking you about 3betting light on the big blind against villains with high fold-to-3bet," he replied. The look on my face made it all too obvious I hadn't heard a word he said. "You alright? You're really spaced out man," he said.

"Yeah I'm fine," I lied, "I was just wondering about the emergency. My mom made it sound urgent."

"Oh. I hope it's not too bad."

Thankfully Tush read my mood and didn't try to talk poker again for the rest of the ride. He just let me lose myself in my thoughts, and I got very lost indeed. By the time we pulled up to my house I was constantly checking my phone, waiting for Jill to send me a vicious text that would mark the end of our friendship. It never came. I thanked Tush for the ride and we bumped fists before he took off.

Inside my house I absentmindedly said hi to my mom as I passed her at the family room computer. I trudged my way upstairs, looking at my phone the whole way, and tossed it onto my bed once I got in my room. I stripped down to my boxers and leapt onto my bed with my hands on my eyes, groaning and still stressing out over what happens next. I was still there, endlessly going over every worst case scenario in my head when Cammi walked in through my open door.

"Soooo what happened?" she asked quietly. I just looked at her with both eyes wide open.Where do I even start?

Cammi sensed my panic. "What happened?" she repeated more forcefully.

"Um, exactly what I told you," I responded heavily.

"Details."

"Seriously? Why do you want to know so bad?"

"Because whatever happened, you're freaking out again."

I rested my head back down on my bed and put my palms back on my eyes. I stayed like that for a few seconds before taking a couple deep breaths and sitting upright to face Cammi.

"Okay, so you know how Jill's liked Marco for a really long time?" I asked.

"No," Cammi said.

"Okay, well Jill's liked Marco for a really long time. So like a couple days ago me and a couple other friends told her to finally ask him out, right? 'Cause Marco's totally oblivious and Jill's just not doing anything not making any moves waiting for him to ask her out. So we're like, 'yeah ask him out on Saturday.'" So she comes on Saturday and the day's normal and then when we're finished with Ultimate and we're going back to Troy's house she makes her move. And we get back and order pizza and they weren't with us but we just assumed they were still right outside talking. And then I had to use the washroom but the one downstairs was taken so I used the one upstairs, and I was taking a piss when I saw the window to my right looks at the back of the house and I could see into Troy's brother's room, and Jill and Marco were there making out. And then they started having sex. And then they kept having sex."

"And you just watched them the whole time?"

"Y-yeah," I said sheepishly. Cammi fired me a scolding look that said, "you're a pervert."

I continued. "So then they ... finished. And that's when I texted you. And then I looked back and they were gone, so I left the washroom and Jill was coming in and we bumped into each other and she dropped the condom and I saw it, and she saw me saw it, so then I got the fuck out of there and now we're here."

Cammi stared at me for a time before saying, "So why are you freaking out?"

"What?" I asked incredulously. "Why the fuck wouldn't I be freaking out? She just caught me watching her and Marco have sex. She's going to hate me for life."

"No," Cammi reasoned, "youcaughtherhaving sex. All she knows is you know she just fucked Marco. She knows you saw the condom, not that you were watching her. They didn't see you watching them right?"

"No."

"So thenshe'sthe one that's freaking out right now. She doesn't hate you, she's embarrassed. She's worried you're gonna tell people or make things awkward for her. You're lucky, all boys think about is sex and when they get it they're all cool and everything. You know how embarrassing it is for girls when people think we like or think about sex?"

"But what if she saw how good the view from the washroom is? What if she asked people how long I was up there and she figures it out? Then she'll stop being friends with me and then our friends will wonder why we're not friends anymore and someone's gonna find out-"

Cammi briskly walked towards me and punched me in the shoulder.

"Ow," I said even though the punch didn't hurt at all. "What the hell was that for?"

"Stop freaking out!" she told me sternly. "You panic too much. She's not gonna ask how long you used the washroom. And even if she sees the window and worries if you saw them, she doesn't know you did. She's way more embarrassed than suspicious right now, trust me." Once Cammi's words penetrated my thick skull I realized how much sense she was making. The whole time I was worried about the worst possible things happening but from Jill's perspective she was in the hot seat, not me.

"Just be cool if she talks to you about it," Cammi continued. "She probably won't though. She'll like, pretend it didn't happen and hope you do too. And you should."

"Yeah," I muttered. "Yeah, you're right. You're totally right." I was starting to feel a whole lot better.

Cammi smiled and put her hands on her hips boisterously. "Of course I am," she chirped.

I chuckled. "Thanks," I said earnestly. "I uh, I do panic too much. I'll try to work on that."

"Yeah," Cammi said. "I didn't expect that though, you know? Jill? On the first date?"

"Oh my God it wasn't even a date she just asked him out while walking back ... They moved fast."

"Yeah I'm surprised. Especially with Jill. She's so..." Cammi struggled to find the words. I knew what she meant though. She had met my friends only a handful of times but I guess she still picked up that Jill was pretty ... what's the word? ... conservative. The good girl. The kind of girl that you could imagine might save herself until marriage.

"I know what you mean," I said. "Me too."

" ... So you're not dying to cum anymore, are you?"

I perked up. So did my dick. "Are you offering?" I asked eagerly. Cammi shot me down immediately.

"No no," she said. "Waiting, remember?"

"Oh," I whimpered. "Yeah I was about to burst a while ago, but after the panic attack ... I think I'm okay."

"Good," Cammi sang. "Keep it that way." The angel skipped to my door and turned around and said, "And seriously, be cool with Jill okay? The only way this gets super awkward is if you make it super awkward.

"Sure," I said.

"Everything'll be fine," Cammi said with a smile, and left.

I took a moment and breathed a huge sigh of relief.What was I worried about? Of course Jill's the one who's worried, not me. Poor thing. Good thing I saw it and not Jensen, that guy would make a fucking scene every time he saw her in school. And holy shit dude you needed Cammi to get your head on straight. You're supposed to be the older brother, why is she always the one taking care of you?I made a mental note to sack up from that moment on and booted up my computer. I had been watching anime on Crunchyroll for over an hour when I heard a familiar sound. Skype notification.

Jill Flores says:

are u there?

Oh. Oh God. OhGOD. Cammi you said she was gonna pretend it never happened!I sat there looking at the message, mind racing again, trying to stay true to the vow I made just earlier and keep my cool.

Jill Flores says:

jordan i know ur there

Jill Flores says: u already went home and ur always on ur computer.

Fuck I'm blown.

I replied: hi

-did u tell anyone?

-what?

-did u tell anyone what u saw

-you mean tonight?

-yes tonight! DID U TELL ANYONE JORDAN.

Yes I told Cammi like immediately.

-no

-dont lie to me

-im not! i wouldnt lie to you.

Except I just did.

-are u sure?

-yes im sure

-i know guys love talking about this stuff

like jensen always talking about the girls he hooks up with the girls that put out

hey look at this slut anyone can bang her!

-jill stop im not that kind of guy you know that.

It was a good while before Jill responded. I waited, staring at the Skype client the whole time. She had to be tense, but I probably was just as much.

-yeah i know ur right sorry i just i panicked

-yeah i kinda did too lol

really im not gonna say anything

what happened is your business

its only awkward if we make it awkward

-that sounds profound lol

Cammi you're my hero.

-its true though really i wont say anything i promise its a secret

-okay thanks! :)

I breathed a huge sigh of relief for the hundredth time that week and was just about to get back to my anime when I got more messages.

-im not like this u know

-what?

-im not that kind of girl i wasn't raised like that im not like that idk what happened

-yeah you dont seem like it its ok things happen and you were after marco a long time you don't have to explain yourself

I decided it would be fun to tease her.

-still you seemed prepared summer dress

condom?

-no! i just wanted to look good i was only going to ask him out the condom was his

-im jk lol what a surprise marco always carries a condom stud

-that was his first time tho

-how do you know?

-he told me he said he was a virgin was

I felt my face blushing. Talking about this kind of stuff with Jill was kind of fun and exciting but also made me a little nervous.

-ok maybe getting a little too personal lol

some stuff is better private

-yeah oops its ok tho ur like a brother to me i trust u :)

Oh God the irony.

-lol ok well as your brother from another mother i feel its my duty to warn you

you started with a fast pace with marco

-OMG I KNOW IT WAS SUCH A MISTAKE

it was too fast i left right after u too

before marco i didn't even talk to him after i dont know what he thinks i dont want him to think that was just a hookup

-its fine

-but what if we start dating and he always wants sex because thats how we started

i dont want to move that fast

-im sure youll be fine

-i didnt mean for that to happen one thing just led to another what if he gets bored of normal dates what if all he wanted was the one night stand

-JILL

-yes?

-RELAX YOULL BE FINE marcos not that kind of guy either just tell him what you just told me and hell be cool before you know it youll be married and have 3 kids and a white picket fence

-lol thanks its gonna be awkward though

talking to him after i just left

-itll be fine stop worrying :)

-ok :S

- ... you did move kinda fast though lol

-I KNOW D:

-like i told you to ask him out not blow him on vinces bed lol

-what?

-;)

-how did u know we were in vinces room?

OH. OH GOD! OH GUIVFBHADJFKLFAHNKNJOWEIJKFD WHAT DID YOU DO?! WHAT DID YOU JUST FUCKING DO?!I felt the panic coming on again, and I knew this time I had a good reason.

-just a guess lol i didnt think you guys would use troy or his moms rooms

wait were you guys actually in vinces room lol

-How did you know I blew him?

The panic was really starting to set in."The only way this gets super awkward is if you make it super awkward", AND YOU JUST MADE IT SUPER FUCKING AWKWARD! HOW DID YOU FUCK UP THIS BAD?!

-what? lol everyone does that i just assumed

I started typing a number of other stupid reasons and excuses but deleted them all before sending. They would just make my lie more obvious.YOU FUCKING RETARD! SKYPE SHOWS WHEN SOMEONE'S TYPING! WHEN YOU DO THAT SHIT AND DON'T SEND THE MESSAGES YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE GRABBING AT STRAWS!Oh FUCK!Dude you don't even need to be face to face to fuck up. You can't even lie over the internet.

-Jordan.

Oh God oh God oh God...

-yeah?

-Did you see us?

OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD

-what?

-Did you see us

-what are you talking about how could i see you

-Don't lie to me. The bathroom could see into Vince's room. Did you see us?

I was about to pass out. I just stared dumbly at the conversation, watching my life crumble one Skype message at a time. Jill didn't like my pause.

-Did you see us Jordan?

I trembled with fear and sighed.Fuck.

-yes

-I KNEW IT I FUCKING KNEW IT WHY DID YOU LOOK WHAT DID YOU SEE

Everything. I watched you make out with a guy you just asked out and then have the best teenage quickie ever. And I did it because you're a fucking 20 out of 10 and watching you gagging for it while getting fucked on all fours was the hottest thing imaginable.

-nothing not much

I scrambled in my mind, trying to find ways to salvage the situation.

-i guess you guys just finished you took off the condom and then kinda

blew marco

a little bit

-OMG YOU ACTUALLY SAW THAT

-yeah

-YOU SAW US NAKED YOU SAW ME NAKED

-kind of

There was another long pause. I couldn't stand the simmering.

-it wasnt on purpose! i was just taking a leak and then the window was right there

and i just saw you thats all

-How long was your leak?

-WHAT?

-How long was your leak

-i dont know like a minute why the fuck do you care

-Just a minute?

-i dont time myself when i piss whats the deal

-The deal is it was a lot more than a minute between us finishing and me bumping into you in the bathroom.

-ok so 3 minutes then i washed my hands whatever who cares

-Don't lie to me. What were you doing in there?

-I TOOK A LEAK I WASHED MY HANDS

-It doesn't take you almost 5 minutes to pee and wash your hands. What were you doing in the bathroom?

Fuck it let's just tell the truth.

-i got a text from cammi and then we texted back and forth thats it i swear on my life

-You told me Camille wasn't allowed to use her phone late.

-well my dads starting to let her use it later on weekends i really did text cammi

i swear thats what happened want me to prove it?

No! You can't prove it! She'll see you told Cammi what you saw, and it's a lot more than what you just told Jill!

-Yes, actually.

Shit!

-oh

Shit! well uh actually Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!

-i cant

-And why is that?

-i just cant

-You

Another pause. I could practically feel Jill seething on the other end of the conversation.

-im sorry! im really sorry! but it wasnt on purpose! and really its just as much your fault as mine

Okay, now think of something you could say that's even worse than what you said just now. What's that? You can't? Yeah that's right you FUCKING MORON!

- ... That's kind of true.

Holy shit! Really?

-im really sorry though honestly

-Me too.

Jill let me stew for another short moment again before continuing.

-I'm a lot more embarrassed than angry right now But let me be clear You owe me.

-owe you what?

-I don't know yet But I'm going to think about it.

That doesn't sound good. Still, this could've gone way worse. Maybe shut your fucking face next time.

-um ok

-yeah ... good night

-night

I spent the entire afternoon mass the next day praying to God that I didn't go to hell for what I was doing with Cammi and that Jill's blackmail wasn't too brutal. I wasn't expecting much luck with either wish.

The unexpected bright side of this incident with Jill was it kept my mind busy and off of sex. Keeping my semen stored for Cammi was much easier than I had expected since I spent so much time thinking about this disaster with Jill instead. I spent the next few school days trying to act normal around Jill and the rest of the gang. It felt like Jill was pulling it off much better than I was. To everyone else it looked like life was just going as usual except Jill and Marco were finally an item, but Jill found opportunities to fire glances at me that served to remind me that I wasn't off the hook. I actually started to feel gradually more at ease until Wednesday, when I felt like things basically were back to normal. I wasn't worrying about the ordeal so much and I felt I could actually breathe and relax around Jill. She promptly burst my bubble.

At recess Jill ambushed me at my locker. "I know how you'll repay me," she said ominously.

"Ooookay..." I replied humbly. I had never been so scared of a pretty girl 5 inches shorter than me.

"Come with me," she said curtly. I obeyed and followed her to one of the school's less used stairways. Instead of going down, to the cafeteria or field where everyone else usually spent their break, we went up, and still up, past the third floor. We stopped at the landing that led to the roof, which was blocked by a locked door.

"Okay," Jill said eagerly. Her chipper attitude made me feel uncomfortable. "You saw me naked, right?"

"Uh, yeah," I replied stiffly, "but, you know mostly from the back-"

"But you saw me naked."

" ... Yeah."

"Did you like what you saw?"

"Is ... is this a trick question?"

"It's not a trick question, just answer honestly. Did you like what you saw?"Bullshit this isn't a trick question, every answer is wrong here!

"Yyyyes?"

"Good, then I hope I like what I see," Jill said shortly. "Strip."

"What?" I had never seen Jill like this. She was lovely, accommodating, meek! She was never stern unless she was pissed. She didn't order people around. She had problems telling people no and her tone was always positive and light.So who the hell is this girl standing in front of me?

"You saw me naked, now you're gonna pay me back in kind," Jill said, completely serious. "And don't get any ideas, I'm not coming on to you. My heart's with Marco and I'd sooner die than cheat on him, but you saw me naked and fair's fair. So strip."

"Uh..."Can I not? Please?"Wait isn't this where people sell booze and smokes? What if someone comes up here?"

"Only during lunch, no one's coming up here," Jill answered coolly. "You're not getting out of this Jordan."

I took a deep sigh.How the fuck did I get in this situation?I quickly shed my polo shirt and shoes. I dropped my jeans and started slowing down after that. I looked at Jill with begging eyes, hoping that she would find this as awkward as I did or maybe take pity on me and call the whole thing off. No such luck. I sighed again and took off my socks and turned around. I dropped my boxers with my back facing her and stood up straight.

"There, you happy?" I cried.

"No, turn around," Jill said flatly.

"Why? I only saw your back, what happened to fair's fair?"

"You saw a lot more than my back and you know it."

I hung my head and turned around.And this is the part where you guys think I had a huge boner and Jill got turned on and we fucked on the landing don't you? Yeah? FUCK YOU.This was the most humiliating and unarousing experience ever. My dick was shriveled like a raisin.

"Are you happy now?" I felt dead inside.

"Not really," Jill answered. "You saw me give a blowjob. Why don't you jerk off for me?"

I was actually starting to feel like shit. "You're taking this way too far. I thought you were a nice person."

"I am a nice person. And I'm not trying to hurt you, I really do love you like a brother. But when I found out you saw me and Marco I felt exactly what you're feeling now, naked and vulnerable and at my weakest. I think this will help us bond."Bond? Yeah okay.

"You sure you're not just enjoying punishing me?"

"Maybe just a little," Jill teased, "but mostly what I said."

I was feeling really down in the dumps now. I felt small. Belittled. Vulnerable.Which is exactly what she said she felt. You're getting what you deserve, man. You saw a lot more than what you told her. This is your just desserts."I can't do it," I said emptily.

"Yes you can," Jill said with a tone that sounded more encouraging than strict.

My brain was shutting down. I wasn't even thinking anymore. I was zombie mode. "No I can't," I insisted. "I'm too embarrassed, I'm too turned off. And even if I could, I'm supposed to save my cum."

"Save your cum?For what?"

"Cammi."

"What?"

...

...

...

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I woke back up. My brain started doing overtime. I felt adrenaline course through my veins. I felt panic streak through my soul.What did you just fucking say?!What did you just fucking say?!

"Nothing," I said much more enthusiastically.

"Did you..." Jill's eyes were locked on mine, but she wasn't looking at me. She was looking through me. I could basically hear her brain working, trying to comprehend what I just said. "Are you ... are you having sex with your sister?" Jill's gaping mouth had a hint of a smile in it but I couldn't tell if it was sheer incredulity or she was actually amused.

"What?! No," I denied animatedly. "That's crazy, why would you even say that? That's gross. That's disgusting." ... And you just did it again. I swear to God, when you get home, the first thing you're doing is practicing lying in the mirror. If you even get home today and don't find yourself in jail before lunch.

Jill didn't say anything. Her eyes just slowly wandered everywhere. She put a hand up to cover her hanging mouth and looked back at me. I braced myself for whatever was coming next. Maybe just a brutal tongue lashing about how I was a disgusting human being. Maybe a sprint down the stairs to call the cops and have me arrested. Maybe a swift kick in the balls. Instead, Jill just laughed. She laughed until she had to hold her side.

"Oh my God!," she exclaimed between fits of laughter. "I knew you were too close! How long?"

I stuttered incomprehensible sounds that weren't even close to words. Jill continued.

"I can't believe..." Some of the humour suddenly drained from Jill's face. "Oh my God Camille's such a sweet little thing. And you're corrupting her! What's wrong with you?!"

"What wrong with me I ... you had me- I'm up here ... and you had me strip in front of you-"

"You're fucking your sister!"

"Shhhhhhh!" I hushed anxiously. The stairwell carried sound well so loud noises echoed strongly. If anyone was on the stairwell they would have heard Jill's outburst.

"Jordan," Jill said in a tone that was half lecturing and half about to burst into laughter again. "You're twisted. She's fourteen."

"It-"

"And your sister!"

"Yeah but, it was her idea!"

"What?!" Jill was laughing again.

"It was..." I trailed off and didn't bother finishing what I was saying. Jill was laughing uncontrollably again. I hung my head. I wasn't about to cry, but I was close. I sourly gathered my clothes and started putting them back on. Jill finally collected herself as I zipped up my jeans and she cleared her throat.

"Ahem, sorry, I don't know why that was so funny," she said as she caught her breath. "It's not funny, it's sick."

"You can't. Tell. Anyone," I urged gravely.

"I won't, I wont," she said, still amused. "I really should though."

"It's not funny."You couldn't keep this secret a week. How fucked are you?

"It really is," Jill said. "Here, you dropped this." She bent down and picked up my phone, which must have fell out of my pocket when my jeans were on the ground. She was about to hand it to me when it started vibrating. Jill looked at the screen and another big smile spread across her lips. "It's Camille," she said excitedly. "Sorry, Cammi," she added flippantly, reading my caller ID.

I reached out to take the phone out of her hand but she backed up. "Give it," I said. She shook her head mischievously and answered and the call and put on speakerphone.

"Hello? Jord?" Cammi's voice rang out from the phone. I gave Jill a serious death stare but she just smiled back at me and gestured to answer Cammi.

"Hi," I said flatly.

"Why's there so much echo? Am I on speaker?"

"Yeah."

"Can you take me off? I need to tell you something." I tried to tell Jill through body language that the joke was over but she just shook her head again and held onto my phone. She turned off speaker and motioned me to come closer, so I could speak into the phone as she held it but she could still eavesdrop. I reluctantly complied after giving Jill another "you're so dead" look.

"Okay you're off," I told Cammi.

"Okay," Cammi said as her voice quieted to a whisper. "Are you alone?"

I took one more stab at convincing Jill that it wasn't funny anymore and to give me my phone back, but Jill just shook her head again and smiled even wider. She looked ready to lose it again.Fuck this was my last chance to stop the shit from hitting the fan. Are you kidding dude? The shit already hit the fan. Shit's everywhere. There's like one square inch of wall that isn't covered in shit right now. Yeah? Well I'm going to fight for that last square inch. Jill doesn't need to hear this.

"Are you there?" Cammi asked again. Now it was my turn to shake my head at Jill. I let her know I wasn't going to let her hear whatever Cammi was going to say so she might as well give up. So Jill took matters into her own hands.

"Yeah I'm alone," Jill said in a deep voice that was apparently supposed to sound like me.Hah! What the fuck? That doesn't sound anything like me!

Apparently Cammi didn't agree.

"My period's done, we can do it again," Cammi whispered.

Jill's hand shot to her mouth again and she fell into another fit of hysterical laughter. This time her laughter was so strong she couldn't stand straight, so she fell against the landing railing and slowly slid to the floor. I deftly took the phone from her hand as she struggled to keep her laughter silent through tears.

"Oh, that's great," I said bluntly. I was focused on Jill shaking violently on the ground.

"You don't sound too excited," Cammi said.

"Oh no I'm excited. Definitely excited." Upon hearing that Jill's laughing fit regained its initial intensity and it looked like she was now biting her hand to keep herself from howling out loud.

"Okay so I was thinking, you know how we've been doing it at night and we always need to be quiet?" Cammi asked.