Chapter 9

I almost left the three boxes of office memorabilia in my car, but in the end I carried them in one by one and stacked them where the Christmas tree had twinkled so cheerily just days before.

Well, Lynne, now you've really gone and done it.

Jenny's phone went straight to voicemail. I thought about calling Dave, just to make sure she was all right, but I didn't want to harass her. Jeff would be busy, and I didn't want to call him while my emotions were so raw.

I pulled up Mike's number and hesitated. I'd promised not to chase him. But calling a friend after you'd just quit your job wasn't chasing, was it? I could check that he'd made it home okay and vent about work for a minute, and nothing had to be said about what had happened between us.

Before I could talk myself out of it, I dialed the number.

It went straight to voicemail.

I spent the weekend in a haze. I slouched around the apartment in my sweats, watching mindless TV, grazing on Christmas leftovers. Neither of the kids would answer their phones. Despite my best resolve, I called Mike twice more. Straight to voicemail both times.

I stopped calling everyone. I'd driven my kids away, chased off a wonderful man, quit my job. What was there to talk about?

I carried the phone with me through the apartment like a talisman, waiting for a ring which never came.

When the phone finally did ring Monday morning, I nearly jumped out of my skin. I answered without so much as glancing at the screen.

"Hey, girlfriend!" Margay's cheerful voice reverberated on the line. "Are you at work?"

"Hey, yourself." I didn't know whether I was disappointed or relieved. "No, I'm at home. How's your mom?"

She laughed. "Oh, as ornery as ever. Matty's staying with her through the next week, and Mikayla has the week after, so I'm home! It feels great to be here."

I smiled wanly. "That's great."

Margay hesitated. "You okay, Lynne? You sound a little off."

"I'm fine," I said, because that was what you said, even when you weren't.

"So, you want to get out and do some shopping? Hit some of the post-holiday sales?"

Getting out was the last thing I wanted, and I didn't have any business spending money, either. "Not today, Margay. I'm ... a little tired."

"How about lunch, then?" When I didn't answer, Margay added, "I'll treat."

"No, thanks. I think I'll just stay in." I sighed. "Maybe another time."

"Seriously, Lynne. Are you okay?"

"Fine!" I snapped, because I was tired of trying to convince myself.

Margay chuckled. "Okay, okay. Geez. Talk to you soon."

"Uh-huh," I mumbled without enthusiasm and hung up.

Half an hour later, there was a knock at the door. I ignored it, because there was no one I wanted to see. The knock came again, louder.

Easier to go to the door and get rid of them.

I opened the door and stepped back in surprise. "Margay?"

It sure was, stylish as ever in tan slacks and a sleek purple sweater. She grinned. "Who else?"

I was suddenly very conscious of my scruffy sweats and the fact that I hadn't showered in days. "I told you I didn't want to go out."

Her grin broadened. "I know, but you sounded kind of ragged, so I thought I'd swing by and check." She tilted her head. "For real, Lynne: You okay?"

I started to nod, shook my head, and burst into tears. "Oh, Margay!" I wailed, collapsing into her arms. "I've ruined my whole life! I've ruined everyone's lives!"

Margay caught me in a quick hug and swung the door closed. "Aw, Lynne." She patted my back. "You want some tea?"

Margay led me into the dining room and parked me in a chair. She stepped into the kitchen and I heard her put the kettle on, then rummage for tea bags. She had no trouble finding them, of course. We knew each other's kitchens like our own.

A few minutes later, she set a steaming cup in front of me and took a seat across the corner of the table, right where Mike had liked to sit. That thought nearly set me crying again, but I wrapped my hands around my teacup and managed to hold myself together.

"All right, girlfriend. If you've really ruined your life, I'm impressed, because that takes some doing. So why don't you tell me everything that's wrong, and we'll see if we can straighten any of it out."

I told her everything--my time with Mike, my fights with Jenny and Jeff, the debacle at work. She listened sympathetically, nodding, interrupting only to ask a question or help me clarify a point.

When I'd finished, she sat back in her chair, shaking her head. "Oh, Lynne, you don't do things by halves, do you?" She grinned. "Let's start with the easy one--work. First question: Do you need the job?"

I hadn't even considered that. "Well, I've got some savings, and some money in stocks. There might even be a severance package. I won't be out on the streets next month. But it's not going to last forever, either."

She nodded. "Okay, so you need a job. Do you need this job?"

I forced a weak laugh. "Margay, do you know how hard it would be to land another job in my field? At my age?" I sipped my tea. "Everyone's going to temps and freelancers, anyway." I stopped at her upraised eyebrow. "What?"

"You mentioned 'freelancers'. Any chance that could work out for you?"

The idea stopped me in my tracks. "What, strike out on my own? Just like that?"

She grinned. "Sure. Why not? You're admirably positioned, Lynne. You have experience, you've got contacts, and you aren't desperate for money right away." She cocked her head. "If nothing else, it could bring in a little money while you're job-hunting."

I blinked. "Maybe." I thought some more. Susan would help me, and I knew a couple of places that were short-staffed. And didn't I have an extra room I could turn into a studio? "That could almost work. Possibly. I'll have to give it some thought."

"Good girl." Margay grinned. She held up two fingers. "Problem number two: Jenny and Jeff."

I slumped. "Margay, they hate me. Jeff's refusing to talk to me and Jenny won't even answer her phone."

She patted my hand. "They don't hate you, Lynne. They're upset. No kid likes to think about their parent's sexuality, let alone be smacked in the face with it. And when you're young, every crisis seems like the end of the world." She raised an eyebrow. "No?"

I had to chuckle. "Maybe."

"Definitely, she said firmly. "Give them time. They'll come around."

I chuckled again. "That's what Mike said."

Margay tossed her head. "Well, it shows he has some sense." She held up a third finger. "And, speaking of this Mike..." She folded down all but her pointer finger and shook it at me. "I can't believe you didn't breathe a word about this all week."

I looked down at the table. "I was afraid you wouldn't approve." I still was, actually.

She laughed. "Well, I wouldn't have recommended it." She shrugged. "But you're an adult, Lynne, and so is he, and under the circumstances, it sounds like it was good for both of you."

"It was." I smiled, remembering. Really good. But-"

Margay sipped her tea. "But?"

"But he was very clear that it was just for the holidays. That he didn't want any kind of long-term relationship."

"And you want more."

"Yes." I swallowed, tears filling my eyes again. "But I don't think he does."

"Have you discussed it with him?"

"No!" I sniffled, and Margay handed me a napkin to wipe my nose. "Margay, he won't even answer his phone."

She squeezed my hand. "Well, that may be your answer, then. I'm sorry, Lynne."

Well, two out of three wasn't bad.

"Thanks, Margay."

She smiled. "Feel better?"

I nodded. I really did.

"Excellent. Then go take a shower and put on something nice. I'm taking you to lunch."

Over nachos and fried chimichangas, I half-listened to Margay relate her holiday adventures, turning our earlier conversation over and over in my mind.

The more I thought about freelancing, the more I liked the idea. I'd set up Jenny's old room as my studio, and communicate with clients electronically or over the phone. If I needed to meet them in person, I could travel to where they were. I'd have to make a contact list, maybe design a new business card and some brochures. Oh, and a website...

"Earth to Lynne." Margay jostled my arm, laughing. "Are you in there?"

I started guiltily. "Sorry. I was thinking."

She laughed again. "I figured. Are you about done?"

"Yeah, I'll just take the rest of mine with me. I've got a lot to do."

As Margay signaled for the check, my phone rang. I looked at the display. "Jeff."

"Take it," she urged, and I picked up.

"Hi, Mom!" He sounded exuberant.

"Hi, honey!" I hesitated. "How've you been?"

"I'm doing pretty good." He took a breath. "I guess I owe you an apology for the other day. I was kind of an a-hole." He sounded so casual about it, as if the whole thing had been nothing more than a spat. Maybe to him, it had.

I was just relieved to have him talking to me again. "Well, I wasn't going to say anything," I teased.

He laughed. "It's okay. Caitlynn said it for you, and good! She really read me the riot act."

I always did like her.

"I'm really sorry, Mom." Before I could respond, he went on. "But that's not what I called about."

I raised an eyebrow at Margay, who grinned back. "What, then?"

"Caitlynn and I are getting married."