Chapter 5

Eventfulness, as my father had predicted, usually just ended up meaning trouble for me, so I was glad to find out that after a very event-filled October, November went by as eventlessly as it could. Thanks to Nicole's talk with me, there was no bad tension whenever I was around May, which was good since drama class necessitated that you need to be ready to act with anyone at the drop of a hat without any tension being present.

Megan and I began texting, more frequently than with Nicole or with May. Then again, that was mostly her doing, with her usually starting the conversation and keeping it going. She made no effort to hide her crush on me, and I needed to be careful not to be rude, but also to not lead her on.

As for Nicole and I, we did what we did best, and most often. Telling each other secrets, screwing, and playing video games, with her naturally beating me every time we tried anything remotely close to competitive. If ever I needed a reason for why I didn't play video games, she was gracious enough to give me that reason. She never talked to me about any talks her parents had with her, though, which made me wonder if all of my courage on Halloween night was in vain. Her parents seemed sincere when they said they would talk to her.

As December rolled around, I got to be better friends with Carson, which was cool. While he was really confident, he wasn't above being friendly, you just had to know him well enough. In early December, on the first weekend, I got to hang out with him for the first time at his place. Dad drove me, and he didn't say anything to the effect, but I got the impression that we was glad to find out I was hanging out with more than just girls.

"Hey, buddy! C'mon in." Carson welcomed me as I entered the house. It wasn't late enough into December that the snow was sticking, but I still had to wear clunky boots that I was all too glad to be rid of.

"What's up?" He asked me as he led me into the living room, then plopped down on one of the couches. I joined him, falling down on the adjacent couch.

"Not a lot." I answered him. "Just finished that y-intercept thing we were given on Thursday."

He buried his face in his hands. "Aw, shit." he said aloud. "That was a thing."

I laughed as his dad rounded the corner. "Oh, hi!" he remarked to Carson. "I didn't know you'd be having company."

"Oh yeah, sorry." Carson said as he stood up. "Dad, this is Adam Watson. He's in my math class. Adam, George Carter, my dad."

"Nice to meet you, Mr. Carter." I said as I stood up and shook his hand. Well, I say 'shook his hand, ' but the exchange was more like him just grabbing my hand and crushing it.

"Mr. Carter is my father." He said cheerfully. "Call me George."

I nodded and sat back down as his dad began to putz around the kitchen. "Is your mom home?" I asked Carson.

Carson shifted in his seat. "Uh, my parents are kinda..." He began, and trailed off, mashing his index fingers together, expecting me to finish for myself.

"Oh, sorry." I said. He waved it off like it was no big deal, but obviously didn't want to talk about it any longer. "So what do you wanna do?" I asked, trying to shift the topic.

He shrugged, and eyed something on the couch, reaching to hold it up. It was an Xbox controller.

Son of a bitch, I was the only one who didn't play video games in the whole county, wasn't I? I sighed, shaking my head, but gave in.

"What, don't like gaming?" Carson asked me.

"I dunno. I only play with one person, and she beats me every time." I said. As soon as it registered that I said 'she', Carson broke into a grin.

"You get beat by a girl? Oh buddy, that's rough. I need to teach you how to play, so you can kick her ass."

I grinned back. "I'm cool with learning." Carson tossed me a controller and booted up his console.

"Still," he added, "It's pretty sweet that you could find a girlfriend that'll play video games with you."

"Oh, she's not my girlfriend." I protested. He shot me a sly smile.

"Oh, so you two just fuck, huh? I hear that. That's my go-to option with girls too."

I wanted to protest, but realized I couldn't. That's what Nicole and I do, I reasoned with myself. I didn't want to straight-up lie to a new friend, so I kept my mouth shut as Carson continued.

"I mean, as long as you're not hurting anyone, and the girl knows it's just sex, it can't do any harm. Just don't go too far, you'll end up like my cousin."

"What does your cousin do?" I asked, basically just to kill time, as Carson booted up a shooter game.

"He likes to take girls out and use them. He's not above cheating or anything like that either. Like, I'm cool with just having sex with girls, but there's a line, and you need to respect them too."

I nodded. "Does he go to our school?"

"Who, Craig? Oh, hell no. He'd get ground to a pulp by the goody two-shoes students of our school. They wouldn't stand what he does for a second. Nah, he lives a few states over, like most of my family. He's actually kind of a sad story. Like, he's a jerk and all, but no one ever shows him any sympathy or tries to know his good side or anything. I haven't heard from him in a while, but I feel like once he gets a solid friend, he'll clean up his act. He could totally be a good guy, but doesn't know how, you get me?"

I nodded again as Carson continued. "Point is, don't be a jerk. It's the rules I live by. I mean, if you get offended by something I do that isn't mean, sucks to be you for being oversensitive, but, like, MY definition of a jerk."

If Carson was anything, it was self-defined. He appeared to never get affected by the world around him. That was probably the source of his confidence.

"Well, do you have any flings right now?" I asked, half curiosity, half keeping the conversation going. He paused the game and looked at me for a second, apparently in thought.

"Nah ... Actually, I was thinking that maybe it's time to buckle down. Y'know, make the commitment. See if relationships are all they're cracked up to be."

"Oh yeah?" I asked him.

He nodded. "But I can't just go looking for relationships. You do that, and you end up a sap. Between flings, I started hanging out with this one girl, and she seems pretty cool. we haven't fucked or anything, but ... I dunno. It's kinda different with her. It's cool to just hang around her, rather than just meet and fuck. So I asked her out."

"Dude, way to go!" I said, congratulating him. "Who is it, do I know her?"

"I dunno. I mean, she's not in any of my classes, so I dunno if you know her. May Stevens."

Oh, fuck. You have got to be kidding me. A knot the size of Texas began to form in my stomach. May? Really? When did he even get the chance to meet her?

"Yeah, I know May." I said, trying as hard as I could to have my voice not reflect my jealousy. "I didn't know you knew her."

"Yeah, it's the weirdest thing." Carson answered with enthusiasm. "I didn't even know she existed before the Halloween dance. But there she was, all alone in the hallway yet gorgeous as fuck. So I asked her to dance, and boom! Suddenly we're hanging out, and we find out we have a lot in common. So I asked her out, and she said yes. You ask me, it's in the bag."

If I thought the knot in my stomach was big before, it was huge now. Carson was the one who danced with May at the dance. Carson was the one who she was hanging out with now, not me. It's true, I wasn't as good-looking as Carson, not nearly as confident, but ... But my feelings were so much truer. It wasn't fair, dammit! It just wasn't fair! She was about to kiss me, for God's sake. How could she drop me so easily, like I was nothing, and start hanging out with another guy like that?

He noted my silence and asked, "What about you? You still just boning the girl or have you got your eye on someone?"

I really didn't want to hear his voice right about now. "I'm not boning anyone." I said firmly.

"Aw, buddy." He said, with genuine sympathy. I suddenly hated how he called me buddy. I suddenly hated the sound of his voice. I wanted to go home. This was ten times worse than the Halloween dance. True, I didn't own May, but at the same time I also wasn't aware I meant just that little to her. I wanted to throw up.

Turning my anger towards the game, I resolved to annihilate Carson, which is just what I did. Despite barely knowing the controls for the game, I managed to kill his character in a duel match over and over. At first he was taking it easy on me, since I was a beginner, but before long he realized how badly he was losing and stepped up his game. Nevertheless, by the time the timed duel game was over, I had won by a ludicrous amount, something like 11-4.

"Dude..." he began, genuinely shocked. "Where the hell did that come from?" I shrugged. "I think you got something here, buddy! Maybe you can kick that girl's ass, you'll just have to play this game with her." He laughed, and despite not really wanting to, I joined in laughing with him.

"Well, that was fun. Hey, you like Marvel movies?" he asked, standing up with a lot of energy, moving upstairs. He added, "I swear, I have the biggest collection on the planet."

Ugh. I hated to admit this to myself. I genuinely hated to. Carson was a nice guy. He won fair and square, and try as I might to find traits to make him an asshole in my mind, he was a good friend. The only thing that changed was he had a date with May. I could just try to make him seem like a jerk, make May try to break up with him, but then I'd be no better than that Craig guy he was talking about.

I needed to follow Nicole's advice, and shake it off. So May liked him. Maybe she won't like him forever, and if she does, I just need to be happy for her. Carson was a good catch, and I had to respect her decisions. For now, though, I had to get her out of my mind, and focus on my time hanging out with Carson.

Regaining my thought, I yelled up the stairs, "You could even say the biggest Marvel movie collection in the ... universe."

His head popped up from behind the staircase banister. "Heyo!" He called with a smile on his face, then quickly disappeared again. I followed him up the stairs. I didn't even really like Marvel movies, but hey, I thought I didn't like video games either.

The first sticking snowfall happened the very next day, a Sunday. Now I was an indoors kind of guy, if my shyness and awkwardness wasn't enough of an indicator, but I loved the winter. It was the one time of year where I would go outside and just enjoy nature, often for hours at a time, much to the displeasure of my worrying mother.

On that Sunday morning, you couldn't even tell what time of day it was by looking at the sky. The sky was painted various shades of grey and light grey, peppered with little perfectly-fluffy snowflakes dancing their way down from the heavens. There was a light breeze - not too cold, not too breezy, just right. I inhaled and exhaled. God, I loved winter.

The ground was just the right amount of white. It was covered, but not too covered. I could walk easily, making little footprints as I did so, without it feeling like a chore. The brisk air had its own kind of smell which I just loved. As I walked down my driveway, I threw up my arms and took in the feeling. Winter was here.

As I neared the end of my driveway, a spot of black amidst the grey and white caught my eye, lingering in the foggy grey of the horizon. I turned to face the black and squinted. It was exiting from the second house from mine, had long black hair, and was very underdressed for the weather. It was Nicole.

Odd, I thought, as I took out my phone. I didn't recall Nicole saying anything about going for a walk, and we've been texting all morning. She seemed her normal chipper self, just talking about how much she hated winter (something we frequently debated) and how she was content with staying indoors all weekend. I wonder, what changed?

It was probably because she was dressed only in a sweater at most, but Nicole looked different than she normally does. Maybe that's why she hated winter ... Instead of her normal swagger, she had her shoulders caved in, her head down, her arms folded, and carried what looked like a single flower in her arms. She began to walk down the street, in the opposite direction of my house. She hadn't seen me.

It was easier to talk myself down from jealousy with her than with May, but I wondered if she was on some kind of date. Phil, maybe? A real flower certainly wasn't an easy thing to get a hold of in summer, especially where I lived.

I looked back to my phone, wondering if I should text her, but then remembered she told me everything. Whatever this was, I guess she thought it wasn't important that I know. I briefly considered just going back inside, leaving my curiosity to fester, but it was too late as I started walking to her.

It wasn't easy. As I mentioned, there was a slight breeze, and I was downwind of her. However, she looked uncomfortable. Cold. I mean, go figure, she should have at least worn a coat, especially in a snowfall like this. I tried to catch up to her so I could give her my coat. She sure needed it more than I did. However, for someone who appeared to be uncomfortable in the cold, she sure walked quickly, and seemed to match my pace no matter how fast I walked. Did she know I was behind her?

If she did, she wasn't letting anything on. As she kept walking further and further, it dawned on me how far we were from our houses. We were at least a good ten minutes away, and I just took it on blind faith that I would catch up. A part of my mind wanted me to turn back, to leave her be, and maybe just ask her later. However, I was nothing if not the curious type, and pressed on.

Nothing in this situation makes sense, I thought to myself. She could have taken the car, she should have worn a coat, it's the middle of a snowfall, she didn't tell me anything, and she had a flower. A multitude of possibilities brewed in my mind. I wondered if perhaps she was in a relationship, but her boyfriend didn't condone cheating, but she couldn't help herself...

No, that was absurd. Nicole didn't like to be tied down, she said that. Of course, that is what she would say if she was hiding something, isn't it... ? But she didn't seem like the type. Nor the type to go behind someone's back. Maybe there was more to her than what met the eye? Well, of course there was, but still.

Nicole kept up her pace until she was practically on the ass end of town, then suddenly stopped. When she did, so did my heart. I don't know why, since I normally felt really comfortable around Nicole, but I suddenly felt really nervous. I don't know what came over me, but I hid behind a bush, just in time to see her whirl around.

She scanned the area for a few seconds, before she seemingly deuced no one was around and turned back, then turning sharply left, more determination in her walk. I slowly got up and followed her, just to see her enter a gated area. I didn't recognize this part of town, and the sudden fog forming around this part of town was preventing me from identifying the gated area. I kept my distance from her. Whatever this was, my nervousness now turned to worry, for her. If she was meeting a guy, a gated area this sketchy was not the proper way to do it. She was going to end up hurt. I could just feel it.

As I entered the gated area myself, I looked around for clues. Unfortunately, the snowfall hit this place first and all I saw was snow and more snow. I kept my distance, following her, still searching for something that could identify this place when I found it. In the snow, sticking straight up, was a grey block. I reached forward and dusted it off, making sure not to make too much noise. As I dusted it off, it dawned on me where I was. The grey block was stone, cold, and very grave. As a matter of fact, it WAS a grave.

We were in a graveyard. I didn't know what to think. A boy was meeting her in a graveyard? That couldn't be it ... As I saw that she was leaving my vision, I made sure to keep up, not willing to let her out of my sight at this point.

Okay, so she wasn't seeing a boy. But the only other reason she would come to a graveyard with a flower was ... Oh no. Oh God, no. That wasn't it. That couldn't be it. Right? Couldn't be.

On cue, Nicole stopped dead in her tracks in front of one particular grave, and reached forward. With her bare hand, she dusted the epitaph, wiping the snow away from her hand right after, and got on her knees.

"Hey." she managed, in a quiet voice. I swear, I couldn't recognize her voice. It was shaky and lacked all of her confidence, all of her boldness, any bit of Nicole I could find. She reached up and petted the tombstone a few more times, before she burst out crying.

This wasn't a bunch of little sobs. Nicole was full-out bawling, her voice almost yelling as she cried. I wanted to go forward, land a hand on her shoulder, tell her everything was going to be okay, but I couldn't bring myself to it. This was too much for me to register, too sudden. Nicole was crying. Shit, she was more than crying, she went from fine to inconsolable.

Amongst her tears, I could hear her try to make words, but they all collapsed into whines, whimpers, and sad yelling. Her arms landed on her knees to control her, but after a while they gave out and her head hit her knees. She couldn't lift herself up, she was crying too hard.

She began murmuring again, this time making more of an effort to speak. Muffled by how she was speaking into her jeans, I just barely heard "I miss you," before she collapsed into another fit of crying. She began pawing at the tombstone with her hands, as if it might magically bring the mystery person back, before she lifted her head up and embraced the stone with her full body. Her cries became even louder, even more pained.

In a sense, I was right. I was expecting to see Nicole end up getting hurt, and here she was, more hurt than I'd ever seen her. I wanted to go forward, to say something, but what could I have possibly said? I had no idea how to deal with this, how to deal with her. She had always helped me when I was feeling down, but this was something else. Something I don't think anybody could have fixed.

Who was it, though? She apparently talked to her brother about video games, and both of her parents were alive. Was it a grandparent? A friend? I dared to take a few steps closer, as I glanced at the epitaph she had brushed off. 'Mitchell Baker' was what it said.

Her brother? But she just talked to him recently! Nicole told me that herself!

My curiosity was my undoing. Noticing that someone was close, Nicole whirled her head around to face me. Her beautiful blue eyes were red, puffy, and squinted, filled with tears. Many lines were streamed down from her eyes, and in the time it took me to register the fact that she was looking at me, another made its way down her face. Her normal sassy smile was twisted into a scowl I never thought I'd see on her face.

I thought she'd begin slowly, gently. I thought she'd understand. I thought she'd do anything but what she did next. "What the fuck are you doing here?" she barked, her voice raspy and thick.

"I..." I began, not knowing how to proceed. "I'm ... sorry."

"You're fucking sorry?!" She spat. "You fucking followed me out here, didn't you? I thought I would have a little time to my fucking self, but no, your needy ass just follows me! Well, guess what? I don't fucking care this time. Get away from me. I don't want to see you. I don't want to see you for a long fucking while. Just go the fuck away!"

The shock of her sudden meanness paralyzed me for a second. As she finished, she burst into a fresh batch of tears. My brain didn't know how to react to those words, but instead became numb. Not knowing what to do, I put my hand on her shoulder sympathetically, remembering that I wanted to help. She quickly brushed it off.

"I said go away!!" she yelled in my face, the tears still flowing. She didn't care about her volume at this point, letting every word sting as hard as it could. "Don't fucking touch me! You're such a little shit! You wouldn't even be anyone without me! I help you, even though you're a complete dick to every girl you meet, and this is how you fucking repay me?! You just follow me around town, without even texting me first, just to catch the poor little fucking girl crying? Well I don't fucking need you. I don't ever need you. I don't want to see you again. I fucking HATE you Adam, you hear me?"

I had to take a step back to compose myself. Hate. Nicole said she hates me. The words before stung, but this one was a switchblade to the heart. Trying to make sure she didn't mean that, I cleared my throat and spoke. "You don-"

"No. Not a word." she threatened me. "Not a fucking word. Don't you dare. Just turn around and fuck off. Fuck off for good. I don't ever wanna see your ugly fucking ass again in my life. Just stay away. Now go."

I stayed in place, mostly because my body wasn't listening to my brain.

"GO!" she yelled with the force of a hydrogen bomb. Scared at this point, I found my legs turning me away as I walked away, every sound in my life muted except that of Nicole hysterically crying behind me. I turned around to face her. She was lying on the ground, almost in the fetal position, looking like she couldn't even work her own muscles anymore. I thought about turning around and helping her, but as her gaze met me, most likely checking to see if I was leaving, she noted I was looking at her. "GO!!" she half-yelled, half-pleaded as she began bawling again. I sighed internally and made for home.

My mom and dad were actually worried that I had tripped or caught a chill outside. They could tell my mood was severely dampened, but I did not want to talk about it whatsoever. I didn't want to talk to anyone.

The least of which, Megan, as my phone buzzed and I checked my screen to discover she had texted me for the third time that day. I also had an unchecked message from Carson, but I didn't care. I didn't want to communicate with other human beings. I wanted to rewind time, to make everything better. Yet, part of me just wanted to die. I wouldn't dare go through with it, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized just how much I wanted everything to just end. The thought turned into a daydream of me dying, and how everyone in my life would react, until it got to Nicole. At that point, the daydream faded and I was knocked back into reality.

I hadn't shed a single tear. I was sadder than I normally was when I cried, but I had no tears. Was I angry at Nicole? I had no answer. I was mad at hell at what happened, and it quickly turned into being mad at myself. I was such an idiot. I should have called out to her, or not followed her. Or something. I was just shitty, that was the only explanation I could muster. I was just a shitty person. Nicole all but said it herself.

I had no clue how long I laid in my room. Seconds, minutes, hours. I just sat there, eyes wide open yet in some kind of sleep, as a yell up the stairs woke me.

"Adam!" It was my mom.

"I don't want any lunch, mom." I called back, knowing that was her excuse to get me to come downstairs.

There was a brief pause. "Lunch was three hours ago, sweetie." Oh, shit. Seriously? "I called up but I got no answer."

God damn, I was a mess. By the time I had returned from the walk, it was barely 11:30, and my family was in the habit of eating lunch late. I looked at my alarm clock. 4:23. Jesus Christ. But wait, if it wasn't lunch...

"Then what do you need?" I called down to mom.

"There's a knock at the door. I think it's for you." Mom called back up. Nicole, I presume. Half of me, I guess the selfish half, didn't even want to answer the door. I just wanted her to freeze her ass off in the cold. It was what she deserved after what she said. But the other half, apparently the half that controls my actions as opposed to my thoughts, stood me up and had me walking down the stairs before I realized I was doing so.

"You okay, sweetie?" mom's concerned voice asked me as I came slowly, almost in a robot-like manner down the stairs.

"Yeah." I answered with no emotion, not even realizing I was speaking. She frowned, concerned for me, and went off towards the kitchen.

I neared the front door of the house and opened it to see just who I was expecting. She still had nothing more than her sweatshirt on, and her teeth were chattering. Her eyes had fully recovered and there was no evidence of crying on her face, but her mouth still held the same devastated expression that I thought didn't exist just yesterday.

We stared at each other for a few seconds, her teeth making the only audible sound before she piped up. "I-it's n-not getting any w-warmer out here." She chuckled, even though it was a nervous, sad chuckle, to herself.

My expression had not changed. I wasn't happy to see her. I was half-tempted to just close the door on her right there, but finally I gave in and stepped to the side, inviting her in. She all-too-eagerly stepped in, breathing into her hands to warm them as she did so.

"Thanks." she said softly as I closed the door. I said nothing, and just looked at her. She looked back at me, her eyes containing more sadness and even a little more fear than I remember her normal eyes holding.

"I'm sor-" she began, before a voice from the living room cut her off.

"Who is it?" dad asked, his voice ringing across the house.

I sighed internally. This was not the time I wanted to do this. "It's Nicole." I replied, trying my best to sound cheerful about it, rather than annoyed. Nicole, of course, noticed my hidden tone, and her expression turned even more sad.

Mom popped out of the living room, and it was only then that I realized I never even mentioned Nicole to her.

"It's very nice to meet you, Nicole." she piped up, smiling. "I'm afraid we're not the spontaneous type, but ... Make yourself at home!"

Nicole gave mom a half-smile. "Adam hasn't mentioned me once, has he?"

"Not a word." Mom replied instantly, as if it was shameful.

"Good. You had me worried for a second." Nicole winked at mom, kicked off her boots with one solid swing, then entered the house like nothing was wrong. When she left earshot, mom whispered, "How do you know her?"

"Student council." Nicole answered her from the next room over, making mom jump. I was glad to see Nicole's psychic ability wasn't just limited to me - mom's whisper was so quiet I could barely hear it, let alone Nicole.

Despite seeing her in her normal cheery mood, I barely wanted to follow her. I still wanted to be alone in my room with the door slammed shut. I felt sorry for her, and it was clear I caught her at a bad moment, but she hurt me.

I still followed her, of course, worried what kind of bold introduction she would make to my father. As I caught up to her, she was already in the living room, and had already made eye contact with my dad.

"Ah, you must be Timothy Watson." she smiled at him.

Dad gave me a glance. "I'm Adam's father, if that's what you mean." he answered her, outstretching a hand. "You're Nicole, right?"

Nicole nodded enthusiastically. After sinking back into the sofa, dad eyed me and exclaimed, "She's heeeeeeere!" It was probably another dated reference.

And of course, it was stupid of me to assume Nicole wouldn't catch on to it. "Ah, I loved Poltergeist. Perhaps one of my favorite Spielberg movies. It's interesting how light in his movies always signifies evil, don't you think? It was a real transition from movie conventions. Maybe that's why they consider the '80s the second Golden Age of cinema."

Dad said nothing for the longest time. He just stared at her with an incredulous look on his face. Finally, he turned back to me and ordered, "Keep her."

Nicole just giggled at the comment. I hated to admit, she was cute as hell when she giggled. Despite this, even when she turned back to me and gave me a smile, I just stared at her.

"So did Adam really give you my name?" Dad asked, not aware of the tension between us. "He doesn't talk about us much."

"Nope." Nicole answered simply, her eyes still fixed on mine, before she turned around to face him again. "You just look like a Timothy."

Dad was at a loss for words, for the second time in a few months. It was a record for him. "Right..." he finally managed. "Okay then, what's Adam's mom's name?"

Nicole blinked twice. "She looks like a Marcia." she said in a thoughtful voice.

Dad's eyes widened. "Adam, ask her how I die."

Even when freaked out, dad's sense of humor never dwindled. Nicole just laughed at him and looked around eventually seeing the staircase in the hallway leading upstairs. She emitted an audible 'ah' and made for the staircase.

Dad pulled me by the arm to him as I was about to follow her. "Vampire or siren?" he asked me in a whisper, with no humorous undertone to his voice.

"Don't whisper around her!" mom hissed, running up to us. "She'll hear you!