Chapter 15

In the moment I felt a very odd surge of gratefulness. For every sexual event I bared to witness, I got to enjoy many moments gleefully. Innocently. Maybe this was what Salvador was getting at - maybe I was biased given the weekend, but my God, sex was becoming just ... stupid.

You know what? It was stupid. Comically stupid. The teacher, who had adult responsibilities, thought it was actually okay to have intercourse with an underage student. Mr. MacDonald had some fucking nerve. I got chastised every week by Salvador for wanting sex. May basically had her way with me, throwing my comfort away in the name of having a quickie. And this bastard thought it was okay to have sex with Megan? No! No, fuck him!

My thoughts carried me forward. I barged into the geography room, deciding subtlety was for chumps. “What the fuck is going on?!” I demanded.

It was a rhetorical question. I looked everywhere but in the direction of the red-handed duo as they had their panic attacks and scrambled to gather their clothing. No one said a word until I decided to speak up again.

“No, really, I wanna hear it from you two!” I asked with rage I didn’t know I had. “What the sheer fuck is going on here?!” I looked in Mr. MacDonald’s direction, who had finished putting his pants on and was now hastily putting on his stupid Hawaiian shirt. “You are a fucking teacher here! You know exactly how old Megan is! Congratu-fucking-lations on being a god damn criminal!”

I turned towards Megan, who gathered her clothing but looked too scared to put it on. “And you.” I readied myself for the storm that was coming. “Was the whole fucking school not enough for you, you god damn slut? I don’t even need to hear the story to know you instigated this. Are you trying to get him fired? Because good fucking job. How could you be so ... stupid?!”

Megan welled up and started to blink rapidly to stop her tears from flowing. It didn’t work.

“Right now a student council meeting is going on. How in the world did you think we wouldn’t notice you being gone?! I was sent to find you, and I’m not having a good day as it is. But by all means, thanks for fucking it up even further! Imagine if fucking Matt was sent to look for you.”

Megan was looking down at the floor, avoiding me, avoiding responsibility. “Go on, imagine it!” I yelled into her face. That broke the dam. Megan was crying uncontrollably, so much so that her limbs gave out and she stumbled for a chair.

One down, one to go. I turned my attention back to MacDonald, who was fully clothed and sitting at his desk, his head in his hands. “What’s wrong, does it not feel good?” I asked rhetorically. “In your classroom too. You smug fucks.”

Mr. MacDonald lifted his head from his hands. “Now hang on.” he finally broke his silence. “You don’t get to talk down to a teacher like tha-”

I had too much bullshit this week to listen to yet another condescending Salvador speech. “And you don’t get to fuck underage students, champ!” I retaliated furiously. This was, without a doubt, the boldest I had ever been in my life. “What the hell were you two thinking?!”

“W-we ... we...” Megan tried to choke out, her tears giving her a serious stutter.

I folded my arms. “You what?” I demanded.

“W-we, we w-won’t do it a-again...” Megan barely choked out.

I pulled my head back and laughed hysterically in a way that scared even me. “No shit you won’t do it again! This is a fucking statutory rape! You’re a teacher!” I pointed at Mr. MacDonald, who was noticeably fidgety. “Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t report this, chief!”

Mr. MacDonald’s eyes were moving so fast it’s like he was entering a R.E.M. cycle. “I...” he stuttered.

“Well, you don’t have a good reason!” I barked. “You’re expected to hold responsibilities at this school! Who the hell do you think you are? What would your god damn wife say?!”

“I’m not married.” he said, the first thing he was able to say with any confidence since I barged in.

I blinked twice. “Well alright then!” I barked. “Great! That solves everything! No wrongdoing here! I’m not married!” I started to parade my way down the aisle of desks. “That makes everything better! Whoppee! No school rules, or laws, broken here!”

“P-please don’t tell anyone.” Megan begged.

“Why? What’ll you give me if I don’t, Megan? Blowjob?” I squatted down next to her desk. “Is that why you’re in here? What the fuck do you owe him?”

“I’m not okay.” Megan managed to tell me.

I looked her in the eyes for the longest time. “You’ve got that right.” I said with disgust, getting back up. “Get the fuck dressed. You have a council meeting to go to.”

“So this is staying with us?” Megan asked hopefully.

“I don’t fucking know!” I answered incredulously, waving my arms around. “Just get dressed! If we take too long other members are gonna come look for us, and I sure as hell don’t want to be caught up in all this!”

Again, I thought bitterly. Student council members sure were magnets for trouble.

At that moment, the devil on my shoulder entered my head, planting thoughts in my mind. If I didn’t want trouble, I could just shut up and this event would go away. I was the only witness to this event, so if I didn’t want drama, all I had to do was not start it.

I walked angrily and energetically down the aisles of desks like a madman as Megan got dressed. “You know what?” I asked them rhetorically, adopting way more easily to this creepy Heath Ledger Joker persona than I would have presumed in a million years. “Yeah, okay. Here’s what’ll happen. People like fucking you - “ I pointed at Megan, “ - are giving me a headache as it is, so I don’t need another huge event like this on my hands. So here’s what’s going to happen. Nothing. I’m not gonna blackmail you, I’m not gonna report you, but this fucking ends, today, here and now. I hope you’re fucking watching Megan, Mr. MacDonald, because this is the last time you’ll ever see Megan naked, ever. Now we’re going to get dressed, leave, and never speak of this again, right, Megan?”

Megan nodded her head.

“What about you, sir?” I asked, sarcasm dripping from my voice. “You got it?”

Mr. MacDonald was not happy with my attitude, but realized there was nothing he could do about it. He was downright scared. He was scared of me. I hated to admit it, but a part of me liked it. I was powerful.

“We have an agreement.” he accepted.

“Fantastic.” I sighed, then turned to Megan. “You dressed yet? No? The fuck is wrong with you?” I didn’t wait for her to answer. “I’m going into the hallway. Take more than two minutes to come out and I’m going to the principal. Say more than ‘goodbye’ to each other and I’m going to the principal.” I left the room in a huff, slamming the door with all of my might behind me.

I didn’t fucking care if Megan wasn’t okay. I wasn’t okay. I felt anger with her, but oddly, I also felt angry about her. It was like I was angry at whatever she was slowly turning into. I slumped against the wall. Megan was borderline more dangerous a creature than May. May knew what she was doing, but Megan was clueless. Somehow, even though I was never her target, that made her even more terrifying.

But May used me. Worse, May claimed I used her, then she used me. She didn’t care about my feelings. She was selfish. She abused me ... You know what? She fucking sexually assaulted me. I didn’t give consent. That’s how it works with girls, right? Why the fuck should it have been any different with me?

I was taken out of my thoughts by a tear-soaked Megan quietly shutting the door behind her. Fully clothed, fully embarrassed. “Let’s go.” she quietly said. I nodded, pushed myself off of the wall, and we began our journey in silence.

We were about halfway there when I sighed, then looked at Megan and snapped. “No, you know what? No.” I forcefully pinned Megan against the wall. “What the fuck is your deal?” I growled.

Megan was taken completely off-guard and was as terrified as ever. “ ... What?” she managed to ask.

“When I set you up with Carson, I didn’t think I was enabling you to become the school’s communal piece of sex meat.” I raged. “Not even the fucking students are enough for you. The teachers. The fucking teachers, Megan. How sick and twisted is that?”

Megan said nothing, and looked at my arm that pinned her to the wall instead of my eyes.

“Was I right in assuming you were the one to proposition him?” I asked her.

Megan bit her lower lip and nodded. I let go of her and walked a circle around the halls. “Why?!” I demanded. “You get with every boy you lay eyes on. You try to get into a threesome at a party, with a dude that, may I add, I bet you don’t know. You have sex in the grimy school halls. You jeopardize a teacher’s fucking career to play on his primal instincts. What is it?!” I fired at her. “Are you manipulating guys? Are you addicted? What’s your goal here?!”

Megan, again, had her lips sealed. I sighed angrily. “Would you just tell m-”

“I’m thinking about it!” she hissed sharply, trying to battle her tears again.

“Okay.” I backed off defensively. I’d already yelled at her a lot, I may as well have stopped if I was actually getting somewhere.

“I really don’t want to admit this right now. Not with you like this.” she finally concluded.

“Admit what?” I asked, my tone softening.

“I was trying to...” she began, then sighed and looked away.

“No, come on, what?” My tone had returned to normal.

“I wanted to ... to mimic how it felt with you. My first time.”

This made zero sense. “Mimic?” I asked her. “What do you mean?”

“I loved it. I love you.” Megan sharply replied, tears growing again in her eyes.

This was stupid. Too fucking stupid to be real. “You love me?” I asked her, my tone reflecting how stupid I found that to be. “That’s why you fuck every dude you find? Because you fucking love me?”

“Oh, I’m sorry if you don’t want me to! It’s just the truth!” she replied harshly with a tone that could break Scrooge’s heart. She grabbed me and buried her head in my shirt, sobbing. “I love you...” she repeated as she cried uncontrollably.

As stupid as it sounded, I felt like an ass. I just spent the last little bit tearing into her for being a slut when, if I was understanding her correctly, she was being just that because she wanted to have me but ... knew she couldn’t or something stupid. I mean, we had sex relatively recently and if she jumped me, I wouldn’t have said no. Was this her way of coping with the fact that I didn’t think of her as much more than a sex toy? Making herself a universal sex toy?

I was taken out of my thoughts by my phone ringing. Lightly pushing Megan off of me, I took out my phone. Nicole was calling me. Yay.

I pushed the ‘accept’ button.’ “Yeah?” I asked humorlessly.

“The council meeting is almost over. If you two snuck into the hallway for a quickie, I’m going to be angry. You should take council more seriously.” The condescending voice of Nicole greeted me.

Of course. More fucking sex. “Oh, shut the fuck up.” I told her, then shut off my phone before she could respond.

I looked back to Megan, who had her back up against a locker with her eyes closed. I stared at her for about five seconds, then sighed.

“I’m sorry.” I admitted. I took her hand in mine. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that.”

“Yeah.” she weakly responded, then pushed herself off of the locker again. We started walking back again.

I chuckled. “At least if I’m an asshole that might make you stop loving me so you can move on and find someone better.” I offered.

Megan just looked straight ahead. “I won’t stop loving you.” she told me sincerely.

I hope Megan didn’t see me roll my eyes. Sure she wouldn’t.

Nicole was surprisingly accepting of how much of a foul mood I was in, even after my outburst at her. Her understanding, it seemed, was only paralleled by her silence. Shortly after we arrived, the council ended, then devolved into a storm of gossip. It was a pretty juicy sight for the Gossip Machine to see the girl that was missing come back in tears, escorted by the guy she blew last semester to boot. The theories were all over the place. Frankly though, I didn’t care. I needed to leave.

Which of course I didn’t get to do. Once again Nicole had to do some favors and given my crappy mood, we both realized it was a recipe for trouble for me to tag along, so with the promise of coming back in half an hour, she left, leaving me sitting on the school’s front steps.

Sitting wasn’t doing me much good, so after a bit I just went inside and started to wander the halls. I had no goal in mind, I just wanted to stay in motion. I wasn’t really walking to any particular place, but a couple of minutes and a few awkward disingenuous ‘hello’s to passing custodians later, I found myself facing what the school referred to as the Spartacus room, the room where I did all of my working out.

Why not? I shrugged and entered the room. It was really cool of the school to keep it open for students, even if it meant an obnoxious security camera in the corner of the room in case of thefts.

With a calmness I didn’t have at the moment, I scanned the whole place. My eyes landed on a suspended sandbag in the middle of the room, and figured it was the best way to let off some steam. Opening the cabinet in the corner, I pulled out some sparring gloves and slowly put them on, walking with an ominously slow pace to the punching bag.

For the first twenty seconds, I stared at it and breathed. With every breath, my agitation grew, and yet my mind cleared. Eventually a picture started to appear on the punching bag.

I felt awful knowing what was materializing before me. It was, without a question, May. Her face. Her self-justified fucking grin. Her confident ‘fuck you’ eyes.

With unfound energy I took the first swing at the bag. Then another, and another. “Are you fucking happy now?” I muttered.

With every punch, I wound up more and more. I got more and more into it. “Are you!?” I demanded the bag. “You got what you wanted, so I hope you are!”

Smack. Smack. Smack. Each hit got louder as I hit with more force. “Why the fuck did you do it?!” I asked in a surprisingly small, hollowed, horrified voice. “Why did you?”

The sandbag was now noticeably swinging with each punch. “Tell me!!” I yelled angrily. “Did you like it?! Did you get pleasure from it? You fucking freak!”

I no longer saw the bag. I just saw May. “You’re a freak!” I repeated with a tone that could cut diamonds as I socked her in the jaw. “Fuck you, you stupid, selfish piece of shit! If you’re so insecure, why don’t you just move away then? Why don’t you just die?!” I sucker-punched her in the stomach.

I was punching like a madman. So much so that I was starting to lose energy. I blinked rapidly, noticing that it was becoming harder to see. tears. Tears were coming from my eyes. I wasn’t thinking about how I felt, though - that would have required me to stop. “How could you do this to me?!” I roared, getting closer to the bag. I was starting to lose my technique, my fury now becoming more prominent than my focus. I didn’t care how I punched her - as far as I knew, the more the better. “Kill yourself!” I wasn’t even aware that I was the person that was saying these things anymore. I wasn’t aware of how, after a bit, I was no longer yelling, just crying. Eventually, I collapsed on the floor, exhausted and furious, weakly hitting the floor with my fist every so often as I bawled my stupid little eyes out.

I wasn’t aware of how much time had passed - maybe five minutes, maybe ten ... but I was calm. I was no longer crying. I was just staring blankly at the floor, nothing on my mind anymore. I sighed and took off the gloves, meekly standing up to put them away. I checked my phone to see Nicole wasn’t back yet, but I knew I didn’t have much time left at all.

In fact, I bet I had precious little time to compose myself, I thought with disgust as I headed to the shower area to splash some water on my face. I didn’t want people to see I was crying. As open as I was, I never wanted to talk about this with anyone. Because ... they’d listen. They’d ask questions. Especially Salvador, I sure as hell couldn’t tell him for millions of reasons. I wanted him to just ... leave me alone. I wanted everyone to leave me alone.

“If it makes you feel any better, I was no good at Spanish either.” Dad remarked as we drove to Carson’s.

“Oh good, it’s genetic.” I replied bitterly.

“I didn’t quite say that.” Dad said dryly, eyeing me as much as he could while paying attention to the road.

“What are you saying then?”

“I’m saying I didn’t pay attention as much as I should have.” Dad coolly said.

“And what, I’m not paying attention either? Just because you didn’t pay attention, that’s why your son is struggling?” I asked a little heatedly.

“Well, someone’s tightly wound today.” Dad raised one eyebrow. “Does this car have a sunroof above you by any chance? A few modifications and I’ll have an ‘eject’ button built just for these moments.”

I sighed. “Sorry.” I lamely said. “Yeah, I’m a little tightly wound.”

“I could see.” he nodded. “That would be why I didn’t get angry. Anger is best treated with openness and acceptance. Never forget that.”

Dad’s super rare serious moment. Did I have a camera on me? “Stupid things at school have been happening and I’m sick with them.”

“Does any of it have to do with withdrawal?” Dad asked me, half joking, half serious. “You lost your coping mechanism recently, after all.”

Dad was referring to the weed. Of course, in another way, he was kind of right, I bitterly thought as a vision of Nicole popped up in my head. “I’m sure that has some impact on it.” I honestly stated. “Mostly though it’s just current events. Stupid people making stupid decisions.”

“Well, we all do in high school, don’t we?” Dad lazily yet attentively continued to make conversation.

“Inexcusably stupid.” I continued. “At least, to me.”

“When did it start?” Dad asked.

“Around ... last weekend.”

“So, a whole week. Have you discussed it with anyone?”

“Dad, I’d prefer not to-”

“I’m not asking you to talk to me about things you want to keep private.” he interrupted. “If there’s one thing I can pride on, it’s that I’ve let you live your life. My policy as a father is to only intervene when I think it’s absolutely necessary.”

“What’s my policy as a son then?” I asked out of curiosity.

Dad turned to me briefly. His eyes gleamed in that way that told me he was internally smiling. “You don’t have one. You owe me nothing. When you grow up, then you’ll have your own children. You’ll owe them instead.” He made a turn - we were almost at Carson’s. “I don’t want anything more from you than to have a happy life. I hope that you’ll feel the same way towards your children. You know the money we put away for college?”

I nodded.

“We’ve been saving up for that since you were born. Not because we think the investment will pay off or that you’ll repay us, but because we love you.”

I didn’t say anything and silence filled the car until I felt it stop. “This is the place, right?” Dad asked.

I took off my seatbelt and leaned over to the other side, giving dad a kiss on the cheek. In my earlier teenage years, I remember thinking kissing your parents was weird and never did it, particularly with such a poker-faced guy as Dad. Slight shock was evident on his face.

“I love you, dad.” I said warmly.

“Your friend may have seen that. How embarrassing.” Dad dryly commented.

“I don’t think it’s embarrassing for him to see I’m grateful for the best dad in the world.” I replied.

“I meant it was embarrassing for me.” Dad clarified. “I’m glad to see I rank higher than Darth Vader though.”

I opened the door and climbed out of the car, shutting the door behind me. I heard the window lower as dad half-shouted, “So when do you want me to pick you up?”

“Two, three hours?” I asked him. “I have my cell phone. Whenever’s convenient.”

“You got it.” Dad replied. “Feeling better?”

“Yeah, thanks.” I flashed him a thumbs-up. he flashed his own and started to drive away.

Dad was correct - I needed to talk to someone. I couldn’t even talk to Salvador about this, and all of this bottling up crap was doing me no favors. I never thought needing to talk to someone would bring me here, but here I was, in the most unlikely place, fixated on talking to the most unlikely person.

I knocked on the door to find a familiar scenario. The door opened slightly, just enough for me to see two judging, cold eyes scan me over. “Here to see Carson?” Jenna asked.

“That’s usually why I’m here, isn’t it?” I asked her rhetorically. She opened the door and wordlessly let me in. Once I was inside, I cleared my throat nervously. “Actually, this time I’m here for a different reason.”

“What reason?” She asked, caution in her tone. I briefly wondered what had happened to make Jenna so distrusting and aloof.

“I’m in over my head.” I began. “I’m in a weird situation, involving girls. For ... reasons, I can’t talk to the people I normally talk to. We maybe don’t see eye to eye, but...” A sharp look from her made my words get caught up in my throat. “Well ... y’know, I ... I didn’t know who I could talk to. Bottom line, I’m stuck and would appreciate a female viewpoint.”

Bewilderment filled Jenna’s eyes. It was clear she didn’t expect this in a million years. Her eyes glossed over and eventually she was looking not at me, but down at the carpeting of the living room behind me, lost in her own thoughts. Eventually, her eyebrows slowly raised and she shrugged. “Um, sure.” she said, her voice mellow to combat her evident confusion. “Sit down, I guess.”

I took a seat at the kitchen table and helped myself to an apple from a basket in the center of the table. “So what’s going on?”

I sighed. “Okay. Here goes. Do you remember the situation with the three girls?”

She cocked her eyebrow. “If they feel violated I’m not going to entertain the thought of defe-”

“For God’s sake, Jenna.” I whined. “None of them feel violated or raped or whatever. This is an internal problem. This is a ‘me’ problem. If I thought this was an issue I would get crucified by you for, I wouldn’t have asked to speak with you.”

“Then what is this ‘you’ problem?” Jenna asked, eyes narrowing inquisitively.

I explained the situation, in stupid and incriminating detail, about Megan. The only detail I left out was which teacher Megan had sex with, as I was sure Jenna would seek justice for her. Sure enough, Jenna paused my story for around five minutes to attempt to grill me for the teacher, with no luck. Now clearly upset, she allowed me to continue, where I explained May’s encounter with me in the park, emphasizing how she came on to me and how I did not consent.

“I’m not looking for you to agree with me on the whole consent thing though.” I concluded. “I know your beliefs with males and consent and ... well, frankly, I think it’s stupid, but whatever.”

“You’re not doing a great job of winning me over if you want my advice.” Jenna interjected coldly.

“Here’s the thing: Remember how I told you about Nicole a while ago? Back when I first spilled the beans about May and Megan too?”

Jenna nodded. “You used her easy persuaded nature for easy sex.”

“Sure. Fine. Whatever.” I spat. “One time, she said, clear as day, ‘I love you’ when we were ... doing it. I was kind of weirded out, right? Especially knowing Nicole. But then - she said it again. She even repeated it, a bit of time later.”

“How much later?” Jenna asked.

“I don’t really remember.” I confessed. “But she said it multiple times, so I wasn’t just hearing anything. Now, Megan. When I confronted her about why she did it, she said, and I’m not making this up, that she wanted to ‘mimic the feeling of being with me.’ She said it was because she loved me. It took a lot for her to say it too, at least it looked like it. Then, May, she did what she did because she said she loved me and thought that if I loved her back, I wouldn’t have stopped her. Three girls said they love me. The only three girls I’ve had sex with. What ... like ... what does it mean?”

“The three girls saying they love you?” Jenna asked, making sure she understood.

I nodded. “Is there something I’m missing here? This whole thing feels ... wrong or cheap or something. It just doesn’t sit well with me. Especially the last part. I know you don’t think May ... raped me or anything, but imagine I was a girl and May was a guy. Just do me a favor and imagine it if it helps you live in my world.”

Jenna sat up and cleared her throat. “Well, first of all, I can’t imagine that, since the fact that she has a female brain and you have a male one is important to this.”

Of course. Why did I expect any different?

“If the three girls said with confidence that they love you, I think you should trust their feelings. Women are very in-tune with our emotions.”

“Do you honestly think they actually love me?” I asked, not expecting her answer.

“That’s a loaded question, at least in the way you phrased it.” she criticized me. “Offhand, I’d say they at least think they do. Whether they actually do can’t be answered just by telling me and looking for my answer.”

“That makes sense.” I accepted. “The whole ‘the truth comes from inside’ thing?”

“Sure, if you’d like.” she answered.

“Okay.” I nodded, trying to make sense of it. “I guess I could see something like that. After all, I’ve had an impact on all of the girls, and they had an impact on me.”

Jenna shrugged, still keeping eye contact with me.

“And I can definitely relate. I think I’m actually developing strong relationships with all of them, even if they can be ... negative.” I continued, then chuckled. “This may sound silly given the story I just told you, but I think that I am in love with-”

“You’re not.”

Five seconds of silence fluttered around us. “You’re not even gonna let me finish my sentence with this one, huh?” I asked with a huff.

“You shouldn’t get yourself confused. These girls are objects to you, and the way you secure them isn’t unlike a predator-prey relationship. Whatever ‘love’ you think you feel is actually a desire to keep a particular girl to yourself so you can have her whenever you want.” she informed me.

“It sounds like you just described May, not me.” I annoyedly noted. “Is there any reason you have to back this up other than the fact that I’m a dude?”

“This all stems from male dominance and attempted ownership of females. It’s primal, all men do it.” Jenna continued.

“All males, huh? Even asexuals and gay men? They own females too?” I asked, hoping to catch her.

“Even then, the more feminine of the two is usually the one expected to submit. Even without relationships the patriarchy is still evident in our economic and legal systems.”

“Oh, so the wage gap is why May can’t possibly have raped me, huh?” I laughed to myself. “I have no clue why I thought talking to you was going to be a good idea.”

“If you can’t handle the truth, don’t ask me.” Jenna said with a subtle hint of smugness in her condescending voice.

“Jenna, I always appreciate hearing the other side’s point of view, but wow, fuck you.” I stated exasperatedly. “You just took what keeps me up at night and denied it ever happened because a girl did it to me. You managed to take a traumatic event and erase it from your reality because it doesn’t fit your agenda. You’re telling me my feelings don’t matter basically because of what sex I was born, something I can’t control. Isn’t this exactly what feminists should be fighting against?!”

“First of a-”

“I’m not finished.” I growled. “You also took the word of three girls saying ‘I love this guy, ‘ without any kind of doubt that they at least think they mean it. As you yourself mentioned, you weren’t even given much to go on. Now I say it and you immediately deny it, all because of what’s between my legs. No wonder so many people hate the word ‘feminist.’ You give them a bad name. A terrible name. You paint me as the bad guy not to right injustices, but to invent them. You erase rapes because they undo your point. You refuse to accept the other side because it forces you to admit that you’re wrong about something. Was this ever about equality for you, or was it about you getting your way? Call the Carter family a bunch of misogynists all you want - the biggest sexist of the family is sitting right there.” I pointed to her.

She sat there with her lips pursed, all the while attempting to make interjections the whole time. “Are you finished?” she finally asked.

“Yes.” I admitted sourly.

“Go ahead and yell at me all you want.” she replied, looking down at the table. “You’re only proving my point.”

I stared at her in disbelief for around ten whole seconds, a very long ten seconds, before giving up entirely. Unable to conjure up words to describe how stupid this situation and her arguments seemed, I slunk away from the table and started to trudge up the stairs. Shaking my head at what just happened, I knocked on Carson’s door.