Chapter 6

Dana's turn:

Yes, it's me again. Glorious, crazy, delirious me. The 'me' that just drove my Ed crazy.

I don't mean to. Okay, there's this set of thoughts, you know, of that whole male-female relationship thing. Trouble is, I find myself in love, enraptured with Ed and across that whole 'Dana's in love' thing is this terrible black line that is a state law about adults in relationships with minors.

I've just made the guy that I love into a felon. I know he will be careful. He's the one that stands to go to jail and be an outcast for the rest of his life. I'm the one who must be careful. In a couple of months, less, actually, I will be fifteen and a year after that I can get married if my legal guardian, that's Gramma, will sign for me. Then my Ed and I will be legal and I can walk in the sunshine holding his hand and nobody can say anything.

It cost me sleep. Not the 'it cost me sleep' because of the noises Mom and her boyfriend or whatever were making in the other room, this was because I was putting the man I love in genuine danger.

But I love him. Not that kind of love that girls at school do where they 'love' this one for a week or two then it's another one. Don't ask me to analyze why I love him. I can give you the obvious reasons. Smart. Really. Good looking. Not because he wears the latest clothes or has the correct haircut or whatever. He's got those blue eyes and that smile that goes from gentle to laughing and he can look thoughtful and caring. He's not one of those ripped bodybuilders and he's not one of the metrosexual hipster wimps. He just IS. And he's taken time for me since Day One, like I'm the friend he's bee waiting for. He's kind to others and despite the fact that he describes himself as socially awkward, I think he handles himself well in public. All those things make a nice ledger sheet. Bottom line is that I love him.

And then today ... innocent enough. Gramma wanted to talk to him about adult stuff. She tells me that she's setting things up to take care of me in case something happens to her. Without Gramma, I'd be a ward of the state. I've been led to believe that is not a good thing. She asked my opinion of Ed as her successor. I managed to NOT jump up and down saying "Yesyesyesyes! Can I start today?"

I was laying on the floor in his living room finishing some math problems when he walked back in. I rolled on my back, looked at him ... My mind said 'Come down here and kiss me for real'. My mouth managed to translate that into "One of these days, Ed."

I handed him my math paper to check. Piece of cake for me and Ed both, but I don't want to get dinged for a stupid mistake.

He sat back into his recliner. That's good. I have him when he's in his recliner. I take advantage of his gentle nature.

First, though, I have another worksheet to complete and while I'm doing it I go on about how easy it is, that the teacher's predictable.

Homework's done. Fun time for Dana. That means I slide into the space between my Ed and the arm of his recliner. I fit there perfectly. I know it gets to him just some delicious small amount like it does for me.

We can talk at close range. I like it.

"I think about it, you know," I said.

"Think about what?"

"Who would take care of me if something happened. You would, wouldn't you?"

"I would. I hate to think of you being away ... something happening to you."

I caught that. Let me see what I can do with it.

"For a long time?"

"A really long time," he answered.

Okay. Move, Dana. I get halfway on top of him, leaving my legs off him. It's mostly very chaste. I stack my hands on his chest and put my chin on them, looking into those blue eyes, letting myself get lost for a bit.

"You know that makes me nervous."

"Hmmm?"

"You drive me crazy, Dana," he says, but he's smiling. I think he likes being close to me like I enjoy being close to him.

"I know," I say.

"Why do you do it?"

"You've got pretty eyes." It's true. I love his eyes.

"So do you," he says. Makes my heart leap. "That makes this very troubling."

"Why?" I squeak. "Are you afraid I'll do this?" And brave little Dana launched herself up and kissed him full on the lips. Longer than 'hi' or 'thank you' or 'bye' little girl kisses.

"Dana!" he blurted.

"Was just a kiss, Ed."

"Dana, pretty Dana," he said, "There's no such thing as 'just a kiss' from Dana."

I have him going. Don't know WHERE he's going, but he's going.

"Just one more and I'll be good," I said. I expected a firm 'no'.

"Just one more."

He actually gave me PERMISSION!

My brain went into maximum processing speed, dragging up everything I'd seen and heard and read about kissing. Licked my lips.

I touched his lips with mine. Not too hard. Little more than 'soft'. There's supposed to be tongue involved. Only thing I can think of that makes sense is to part my own lips and let my tongue trace his. BINGO! His lips part and my tongue meets his. Now I'm kissing Ed.

'One of these days' turns out to be today.

Not too long, Dana. Supposed to be a little 'first kiss'. I pulled back.

"Dana..." with a sigh.

I smile. He says he likes my smile. He'd better. Most of them are for him. "You're repeating yourself, Ed."

"That kiss..." his face was full of conflicting signals.

"Did I do it right? I heard about French kissing and you see people kiss all the time. TV. Movies."

"You kissed me..."

"Honestly, Ed, one good kiss. Me and you. There're girls in my class that are having serious sex. Couple of abortions. One left before I got there, everybody thinks she went away to have a baby. And you're getting upset over a KISS?" I didn't give him a chance to say anything in response. I kissed him again.

A couple more.

"Ed, I really like this."

"I'm told that kissing is a very popular activity," he said.

"No. Can't see myself doing it with anybody but you."

Kisses serve well to manage and direct conversation.

"You definitely add a dimension," he said.

Somewhere in the kisses and little talk, I found myself in Ed's arms and I found myself on top of him. Put the lips on autopilot, Dana, and do an assessment. Yes. Feels good. Confirms your suppositions. And you're all tingly in those places that get tingly for very specific reasons and what's this?

I wiggled. I'm lying on top of HIS erection. It's because of ME. and I wiggle so I can feel it better. And kiss him.

"God, Dana ... We need to stop."

"In a little bit." Direct the conversation. Kiss.

My legs have been stretched on top of his and that doesn't seem to be making sense. I spread them and pull my knees up. That lump in HIS pants meets that burning, buzzing heat in mine. Definitely something to this position.

His eyes are closed, his hands are on my thighs. My THIGHS! And I'm burning up. I know what the feeling is. I have a finger or two. But this ... I rock back and forth. Doesn't seem to be the right thing. I slide ... Ah-hah! Or is it EUREKA! Or ... three more slides and my body stops ... I go rigid and Ed is pushing himself up between my thighs.

"Ed?"

"Yes, princess."

"I know what I just did. Did you?"

His face was a mix of happy and concerned. He nodded. "Gonna be a mess."

"It's true about guys, then? Lots of stuff?"

"And you make it worse."

"Me? How?"

"Just being Dana."

Got giggly talking about it and we did it again.

"I understand coming is a very popular activity," I said.

"Yeah, but with you, it'll get me a prison sentence."

"If – big IF –somebody finds out. D'ya honestly think that I'm gonna sprint out into the streets hollering 'Me an' my adult boyfriend are doin' it'? Ed, I love you." Oh shit! I said it. The 'L' word.

I watched his face.

"My Dana. My girlfriend."

More talk, then, "My beautiful, beautiful Dana. I love you, too."

That's it. Settled. I have not been hallucinating. I am not delusional. I know that I'm way outside the normal boundaries of polite society, but I am outside a lot of boundaries and people are going to learn that about me as time passes anyway.

I have my Ed. He may still think different. I don't.

"You need to."

"What?"

"Love me."

"I do."

He finally gets me up. "I have to go shower. There's a big mess in my pants."

Dana, here's one of those pivotal moments. An opportunity. "Okay. I'll run over to Gramma's."

That's what I said and that's what I did. I went to Gramma's, grabbed a clean pair of jeans and panties, and zipped right back into his apartment. I closed and locked the door, hearing the shower running.

Dana's got herself a plan. I stripped. Opened the shower door and stepped in before he could holler or pass out. Our first shower together. I just reached out and grabbed his thing. Gently. But grabbed. Mine.

"Dana!"

"Too late," I said. "You're already a felon and I am a poor, permanently disturbed youth."

Then I did something soooo stupid. I tried covering myself. I mean, REALLY?!? You step in the guy's shower, buck naked, and then you COVER yourself?

"Your body is delightful, Dana. I can't believe this."

"Can't help it, Ed. Love makes me crazy."

"If you tell a soul..."

"Never."

"No best friends. No confidants. And if you go to the doctor, you're playing with guys YOUR age."

Giggle. "I lost my hymen due to vigorous physical activities."

"Don't be flippant."

"Seriously," I told him, "I was bleedin' 'n' everything. Mom took me to a clinic. It's gone!"

Poor Ed, though. He washed me from head to toe, except for my...

"Ed, that is specifically the part that is sticky and needs attention. You need to take care of it."

And we washed each other. First time I ever REALLY saw an adult penis or dick or weenie or tallywhacker or, according to some of those sites, a COCK. I can maybe do 'dick'. I did this dick. And these balls. Neat to touch. Exploration is in the cards.

I rinsed him off. Love that telephone shower. Looked up at him. "There. Clean as a whistle." Brave Dana – Crazy Dana giggled. "Uh ... you blow whistles." And I bent over and put that luscious-looking head in my mouth and sucked.

Thought he was gonna lose it right there.

I love his big, fluffy towels.

"You need to get me a hair dryer," I told him.

"We're not doing this again, Dana."

I turned. "Yes, we are. You love me and you don't have the heart to stop me, Ed. Now, let's lay our clothes out so we can get dressed quickly."

I coerced him back into bed for an afternoon of exploration. It wasn't too difficult. I know he loves me. That he agonizes over the physical aspect, that just makes me love him all the more.

I have been LOVED. I've heard and read about oral sex. It's the difference between watching fireworks on TV and sitting out in the open underneath them, at least having Ed do that to me.

And I did it to him. Loved him. Loved it. Have him in my mouth and I know that it's supposed to be some kind of subservient thing, but I never felt more in power over Ed than when I had him in my mouth.

Was not entirely recreational. Was educational, too, about diseases. Neither of us has any, and since we're both monogamous, we won't get any.

And pregnancy. Careful. But I know that if I go to the school guidance counselor, I can get a referral to a clinic and get birth control. I researched. The Pill is good, but you have the pills around where they might be discovered. IUDs might be a better choice.

That's for WHEN we go all the way. But Ed says enthusiastic dry-humping with no clothes on, sperm can swim, SURPRISE!