Chapter 8

The less you understand, the happier you will be.

After a day of skydiving Patrick was exhausted, and was fast asleep when they got home late in the evening. He was awakened on Sunday to Patricia knocking on his door, "Patrick, are you up?"

Rubbing the sleep from his eyes he groaned and said, "I am now, why?"

Through the door Patrick heard six words that scared the shit out of him. "We are going on dates today."

Patrick rolled over and said, "Can we do it like, next year?"

"Sure, I'll cancel the date with Robert," she said, nudging the door open.

He didn't want to do go out on a date, but he did want Patricia to go out with Robogym. FUCK! There was no way that Patrick would get in the way of her date "Okay, okay, I'll go! Give me a minute."

"Good, because Robert and Jane will be here in five."

He jumped out of bed and said, "Five?"

She turned back to Patrick and gave him a funny look as she said, "Yeah, why?"

"Shoot. Okay, five," and went into the bathroom and jumped in the shower for a VERY quick shower. Soap and water went everywhere with only a little bit landing outside of the shower, and as he stepped out of the shower Patrick found himself sitting on the floor with a very painful ass, it seems that showering quickly has some disadvantages.

He got himself off the floor and looked at his ass in the mirror, no blood, so everything looked to be okay. He dried off and went back to his room and got dressed, pulling on a pair of shorts, t-shirt, and gym shoes, before heading out of his bedroom looking for Patricia.

He walked into the front room and said, "Okay, I'm ready."

Patricia turned to him and said, "Well it's about time!"

He shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Sorry, just woke up."

Jane looked at Patricia critically as she said, "You just work him up?"

Patricia shrugged her shoulders and said meekly, "Well, yeah."

Jane rolled her eyes and turned to Patrick and asked, "Have you eaten yet?"

"Well, no. No I haven't," he said softly.

Jane turned back to Patricia and with her hands on her hips asked sternly, "You are letting him go out without something to eat?"

Robogym jumped in and said, "We'll stop and get him something to eat on the way out."

Patrick knew he didn't have money, and neither did Patricia, and with everything Robogym had done for his family he couldn't expect him to pay for his breakfast. No, that wouldn't do, so Patrick stepped in saying, "I'll grab something quick from the kitchen and then we can take off."

As he finished off the toast Patrick asked, "So, where are we headed?"

Robogym smiled and said,"To the watering hole my man"

"Watering hole? Where we drank?"

Slapping him on the back,"That's the one."

Looking at Patricia he asked, "Are we going swimming?"

"Only if you want."

He thought about it for a moment before saying, "I better get my swim suit."

"Or you can go skinny dipping" laughed Patricia.

"Uhm, no thank you."

He went quickly into his room and changed into his swim trunks, which were very tight. He hadn't needed a pair in a long time as he never really went swimming, not that there were many places to go. He quickly rummaged through his drawers, making quite a mess, looking for anything that would be suitable replacement for swimming trunks. and came upon a pair of gym shorts from last year's PE class, which he hardly wore. He wasn't sure if they would be acceptable but with nothing else available they would have to do.

He walked briskly out while holding the shorts and said, "Okay, I'm ready."

It was only when they were on the way that he thought of how he was going to change into the gym shorts without anyone seeing him. Being nude wasn't the problem, it was that there were several things about himself that made him uncomfortable with being nude. There were three things that he hated about how he looked, the first was his hairless body thanks to the chemo treatments. Too bad smoking marijuana couldn't help with that! The second was his short stature, that his body has never truly kept up with his age was of no surprise, whatever nutrients that he consumed were used to either fend off cancer or build up his immune system or were drained away by the kidney failure. And finally was his lack of a muscular structure. Even the weakest looking thirteen year old had more muscle definition than he. All of these things led to a body that was that of a prepubescent boy. Hell he wished he had the body of a prepubescent boy.

Today it didn't matter what he wished for or what he wanted because today he was going to suck it up and do whatever he needed to be done so that his sister would go on a date. He owed her that much. Probably more!

They got to the watering hole and set up a large canopy where they placed a table, chairs, CD player, and cooler, which he hoped did NOT have any alcohol. After finishing the setup Robogym removed his shirt and shoes and dove into the pond from the small wooden dock, breaking the surface of the water halfway across, yelling loudly, "Now that's refreshing!". He swam back closer to shore and underneath the water removed his trunks and threw them onto the dock.

"Are you expecting ME to do THAT!?" asked Patricia.

"Only if you want to," he replied with a smile.

"Uhm, I think I'll stay right here, dressed as I am," replied Jane.

"Uhm, me too," replied a nervous Patrick.

He watched his sister as she thought about it, biting her lip as she did. Finally she removed her shirt, shorts, and shoes revealing her bikini and she quickly dove into the pond. As she she broke the surface she screamed loudly, "Oh my GOD the water's cold!!"

With a laugh and a splash in Patricia's direction Robogym said, "Yes it is. But very invigorating!"

Patricia splashed him back and yelled, "Why didn't you warn me!?!"

He splashed her back and said, "I wanted to see your reaction!"

She splashed him back and said, "Oh! You're such a..."

"Great guy?" he finished for her.

"NO!" she screamed with a splash.

"God's gift to mankind?"

"Ugh!"

"God's gift to womankind?"

"Absolutely not!"

"Guy who's going to dunk you?"

"You wouldn't DARE!"

The last part was almost drowned out as he did indeed dunk her!

She came out of the water and brushed the hair from her face and said, "Well! I was going to skinny dip with you but you are such a P I G, that I've decided not to!"

"Aww, come on Patricia, I very sorry about not telling you the water's cold."

"And what about splashing me?"

"I'm very sorry about that too."

"And dunking me?"

"Oh that? No, I'm not sorry about that."

Patricia turned away from him and began swimming to the dock.

Before she took another stroke he said, "Okay, okay, I'm sorry about that as well."

Patricia stopped and turned towards Robogym and said, "Well, okay then."

"So, you going to go skinny dipping with me?"

She bit her lip and said, "Well, okay" and dipped down into the pond so only her head was showing and removed her bikini and threw it up onto the dock. She turned to Robogym and said, "There, happy?"

"Very much so. But you threw it too far you'll never be able to get your bathing suit without getting out of the water."

"Oh. Could you get it?"

"Sure" and swam over to the dock and stopped, he looked over his shoulder to Patricia and winked, and began to climb up the ladder. Patrick and Jane looked away and screamed in unison which brought a laugh from Patricia UNTIL she saw that he had worn a pair of swimming trunks underneath his shorts.

"Why you tricky son of a gun! You tricked me out of my bikini and got me to go skinny dipping while you have your trunks on!"

Robogym moved her bikini closer to the edge and said, "Is it that important that I go skinny dipping with you?"

"Well, I think it's only fair."

He put his hands on his hips and said, "You just want to see me naked!"

"NO!" screamed back Patricia.

Jane leaned over to Patrick and said, "I don't like the way this is going."

Patrick looked away from the two bickering love birds to Jane and asked, "Why?"

That's when Jane screamed and turned her head away. Patrick looked back to the pond and saw Robogym standing on the dock calmly removing his swim trunks, as if it was nothing more than removing his shoes and socks. When he was done he looked directly at Patricia and said, "Okay?"

He saw Patricia bite her lip, smile slyly and say, "Okay."

Robogym laughed and jumped in and swam to Patricia stopping as he got to her and took her into his arms and kissed her. Not a small peck, but a kiss that both showed their lust for one another and let everyone know that they wanted to be alone, which made Patrick feel very uncomfortable just being close to them.

He turned to Jane and asked, "Would you like to go for a walk?"

"Would I ever!"

They got up and put on their shoes and walked back towards the river, quickly, without looking back to the pond. Both were quiet, neither sure of what to say or how to start a conversation. Patrick was troubled by what happened back at the pond, even though he wanted them to be together he really didn't think about the OTHER part of what being together could imply. It was also kind of, well not actually sick but odd, for him to think of Patricia in that way

They found a quiet place on an open grassy river bank that slightly sloped down to the river where they sat down and listened to the sounds of the river moving slowly by them, enjoying the silence and peacefulness of the midday sun. It was a great day to just relax since Tuesday would be a chemo day.

"What are you thinking about?" asked Jane.

"I was thinking about chemo on Tuesday."

"Oh yeah, chemo. Is it that bad?"

"It is now."

"Why now? Did it change?"

"Yeah, they added another drug, an experimental one, and it kicks my ass."

"Experimental? That doesn't sound good."

"Yeah, you're right. Because it isn't."

"So, you're getting, better?"

"I'm not sure. I want to think I am but, well, I don't know."

"Oh. But, there is hope though."

"Sure there is."

"But, you don't think so, that's the reason for the bucket list."

"Actually it was my sister's idea, I just went along with it get her off my back" he said with a smile.

"So you didn't want to do those things?"

"Oh I did, just not for that reason. Well, that didn't sound right. What I meant was that I wanted to do those things, I just didn't want to do them because I was going to die."

Silence

"I just, don't know how you can be so, calm, with not knowing."

"Well, I see it as we all are going to die, the only question is when. In my case it might be closer than anyone else."

He could see her shiver and added, "Are you okay?"

"I'm, fine." Though she smiled at him he felt that there was more to it, but didn't press her as he knew how it felt, all too well of late. He was quiet for a moment thinking about what to say next, something that would lighten the mood, something that would bring a smile to her face and take them away from this, dark conversation, but he felt that it wasn't the right time, that Jane was conflicted by his attitude with his possible impending death.

"I've made my peace with my death you know, and if I do pass it will be with, a satisfied smile I think. And I wouldn't want anyone to be sad about it because I don't want people's last thoughts of me to be bad ones."

"Wait a minute, do you think that the last memory of you will be from the funeral?"

"Well, I hadn't really thought about it to be honest, but, yeah."

"Wow, you have a poor opinion of yourself."

"Why?"

"Because, you impact the lives of people more than you think. To believe that the last memories that people have of you will be at your funeral is, stupid! My God Patrick! How can you not see that?"

"Hey, I don't know how people see me!"

"Let me point out a few things for you. Robert wouldn't have gotten you a plane ride, or had Seamus scare the crap out of you just because he's a nice guy! Nor would he have called Roger to get you a ride on his motorcycle. And Roger, the self centered bastard that he is, wouldn't have done anything to get you up in a plane, let alone HIM getting up in a plane. And, I don't think that Patricia would EVER have gone out with Robert IF YOU hadn't shamed her into it. If they ever get serious it will be YOU that got it done, in spite of your Sister! And to think that their last memories of you would be your funeral?"

"I thought Robogym was helping me to get to my Sister."

"No. In fact it was almost the opposite. He cares for your sister, always has, and after she turned him down he left her alone. When she went to see him about going to the pond to get drunk with you he initially said no, until he found out the reason. He offered to set you up with a plane ride because he likes you and wants to help, and I have NO idea why Roger helped you out. His uncle has been trying to get him up in a plane for years, but his fear kept him from doing it. But he went up for you. You underestimate your impact on others, and what they will remember of you."

He sat quietly as he thought of what Jane had said. He never would have thought that Robogym would have done those things for him, and not for Patricia. And he never saw Rogigilo as a self centered bastard as Jane saw him. In fact, that he jumped out of the plane spoke more of his character than anything else. Especially since he didn't HAVE to jump. Maybe there are things that he took for granted that he needed to look back on.

"I don't know. Maybe I do think too little of myself. With everything that I've been through, I never really paid attention to the impact I'd have on people. I mean I knew my family would miss me, but since I don't have anyone in my life, well, I thought that I wouldn't be missed much."

"So you are putting your self worth in someone else, who is not here? Maybe it's because you've been sick so much, but that's a pretty bad way of looking at the importance of your life Patrick."

Maybe you're right. Maybe I place the importance of others before myself. But, I got to tell you, in the end my importance is minimal. I have nothing to show for my life other than the memories that others have of me, and if I am to die because of Cancer, then those memories will be of me in this sickly body."

"There is more to you than what people can see Patrick. Much more."

"You may be right, but I, I just don't see it. There was a time, just a few weeks ago, before they found that the cancer had returned, that I didn't want to continue with the dialysis. It costs so much, and it took away Patricia's summer. I just didn't want everyone to remember me along with the debt and lost summer."

"So you wanted to be remembered as what? A White Night saving his family from debt and giving your sister the summer she should have had if it wasn't for you?"

"Something like that."

"And you didn't give them any consideration on what they would feel like if you had given up for them?"

"No because it was my choice."

"Your choice? It may be your choice, but they would be feeling a hell of a lot worse knowing that you quit because of them."

"You don't get it."

"No, I guess I don't, explain it to me."

"So much of my life, I've taken from my family. This is the one time, the ONE TIME that I could give something BACK to them. What other gift is there that I could give them?"

"How about staying alive?"

"At what cost? If I'm going to die, I would rather get it over with than to put them through it. With the cost and emotional baggage of seeing me waste away to nothing, they would be better off."

"You think to little of yourself Patrick. If you give up, it should be for you, not for easing your family's burden. Your heart, who you are, is what draws people to you, it is both innocent and mature, as is your reasoning, but it is your family, and friends, that will in the end be the ones who will see your passing as not a saving grace for them, but of great sadness that we would not have you around, to better OUR lives. That is something that you don't see. Your worth."

"My family is poor. We have enough to survive and that's it, and it hurts me greatly that they have to pay"

"That is their decision. They love you and care for you"

"But I should have a say in what happens to me!"

"I agree. I am just saying that the REASON for your decision should not be what is best for your family, but what is best for you!"

"I don't see the difference between the two. My passing would be the best for me and my family."

"That, is where you are wrong. It is NOT best for your family. Not by a long shot."

Patrick sat in silence taking everything that Jane said and tried to put it into his views but had trouble mixing the two, even though he felt they were closely related. There was something about the conversation with Jane that was all too familiar as it was similar to Patricia's and Robogym's as each said basically the same thing, which kind of got him to thinking that his approach might be wrong. But then again, it was his life, and if felt the best for him was what was best for the family than how could he be wrong?

He decided that now was not the time to think this through and looked at Jane and said, "Thanks for listening."

She mussed his hair as she said, "You're a great guy Patrick, and I hope that everything turns out okay."

He smiled at her saying "From your lips to God's ears."

"Come on, let's get back to the two love birds. Hopefully they're done!"

Patrick got up and said, "Once again, from your lips to God's ears."

They walked back to the pond to find Patricia and Robert sitting under the canopy talking, with their bathing suits on.

Patricia saw them and yelled, "Where did you two go off to?"

"We thought that you wanted a little privacy."

"And I did not want to see more of my sister than I have to."

She stuck her tongue out at them and turned back to Robert to continue their conversation. He watched the two as they talked quietly between themselves as he sat down under a tree in the shade as Jane waved at Patricia and made her way down to the dock where she removed her clothes, revealing a modest yellow bikini, and sat down placing her feet in the water.

He just closed his eyes when Patricia yelled over to him, "Hey, you hungry?"

He opened his eyes and said, "Yeah, I could eat."

Patricia yelled out towards the pond, "Jane, are you hungry?"

Jane got up from the dock and said, "Yeah, I could eat as well."

Patricia got up from the table and said, "Burgers okay?"

Patrick nodded as he got up and walked over to the canopy and began to fold up the chairs. Robogym jumped in and said, "Hold on Patrick, we aren't packing up."

"I thought we were going for lunch?"

Patricia took over the conversation saying, "Robert and I are going to pick up lunch and bring it back, so we don't have to pack up."

"So, we are going to stay here?" he asked as the two began walking away.

"Yeah. Why? Is that a problem?" asked Patricia.

"Uhm, no, I guess not."

"Okay, we'll be back soon."

"Okay."

Jane came up next to him and said, "Well, I guess I'll just catch some rays."

Not wanting to stay in the sun Patrick replied, "Well, I'll stay underneath the canopy, don't want to burn."

Jane turned her head quickly to Patrick and placed a hand on his shoulder saying, "Oh yeah, thanks for reminding me!" and ran off to the canopy saying, "I need sun screen or I'll look like a lobster!"

Retrieving the sun screen and a towel she quickly moved back underneath the sun's rays and sat down on the blanket with her knees beneath her and opened up the beach towel, stretching it out on the green grass and sitting down upon it. She grabbed the sun screen and began applying it to her legs and shoulders when she stopped and frowned. She looked over her shoulder at Patrick and asked, "Can you put the sun screen on my back?"

"Uhm, well"

"Oh come on Patrick, I can't reach parts of my back. Please?"

"Oh, uhm, s-sure" as he got up from the table and walked, very slowly, to Jane. He wasn't sure why he was so nervous, but he was. Maybe it was because he would be touching a girl? Or maybe it was that she might be the girl he has sex with?

No. Jane wasn't like that. She was, a good girl. She had, class and style. She wasn't into anonymous sex, well maybe not anonymous. Pity sex? No that didn't fit either. The real question in his mind was, if the possibility of sex with Jane presented itself, would he have sex with her? It was a hard decision for him.

He took the sun screen from Jane and squirted some into his hand, and taking a deep breath, moved his shaking hand onto her shoulder and gently rubbed the sun screen onto her. Her skin was soft to his touch and as he spread the cool sun screen onto her, the coolness was replaced by the warmth of her skin.

As he moved his hands from her shoulders to her back his hand brushed against the straps of her bikini top bringing the movement of his hand to a standstill for a moment before he removed it completely from her back. Shit! Now what?

He was startled when Jane asked, "Is the strap in the way?"

"Uhm, well, uh"

"I'll take it off" and moved her hand behind her back and unhooked the back and allowed the top to fall off her body in front of her, but not before covering her breasts with her arm. In one sense he was happy that she covered herself up, yet in another he wasn't. Though he really wanted to see a girl's breast, he wasn't sure that Jane should be the one, not that there's anything wrong with Jane, or her breasts. It was that he was scared.

"How's that?" asked Jane.

"Uhm, yeah, that's fine."

"Good."

He again began applying sun screen to her back, moving from her shoulders to her back and down to her waist and stopped saying, "Okay, done."

"Oh no you're not, you need to get my legs." She maneuvered herself so she was laying down on her stomach, but still managed to keep her breasts covered as she did it. Her head was turned away from him, making him feel at ease until he placed a glob of sun screen in his hands and looked at her legs. They were magnificent, from the slim ankles past the strong yet womanly calves, up to the incredibly smooth thighs, and on to her shapely ass, which was strategically covered by the bikini bottom.

As he leaned over to begin applying the sun screen he became aware of an awkward problem, one which he hoped that Jane would not become aware of, a very rigid erection, which really shocked him because since he had been getting Chemo treatments he wasn't able to get an erection. And he had tried, on many occasions, with no success. But with a topless babe before him and wild hormones coursing through his veins, the sixteen year old was sporting wood.