Chapter 1

Paul's childhood was ... a childhood. Children are infinitely adaptable, and however they are raised, it seems normal at the time. His memories of the wider world were dim and few -- he'd been just 4 when they left. The big girls and his mom and Heather told him stories, but he was almost native-born to New Hope.

He would later realize that he had been given some messages growing up that were unusual. He and Jacob were boys -- they had penises and none of the others did. But he should never get the idea for one minute that that made him special. In fact, he got the definite idea that he was not as good as the others. In the world they had come from, men had power over women and oppressed them. Here in New Hope, there would be absolutely none of that. Maybe there would even be some payback.

His mom and Heather made sure he did his share of dishes and cooking and cleaning. He even thought the girls got to relax and play more than he and Jacob did. He should always sit down on the privy seat to pee. They said if he stood up that was flaunting male privilege. If one of the women ever caught him peeing outside, he would get a stern talking to. The girls and women all used the privies, and he shouldn't think that having a penis gave him the right to just pee on the bushes.

He was also the youngest, so he always knew less than everyone else growing up. Sometimes the big girls teased him. Jacob seemed to get along fine with the girls, but somehow Paul didn't fit in quite the same way. When he whacked things hard with sticks, the women would tell him that was the beginnings of violence, and there was no need to whack that particular bush or rock or clam shell. But -- he still wanted to, and he felt he was bad when the urge arose.

The physical differences between boys and girls were apparent growing up, as the kids all went around naked a fair amount. His questions about how bodies work were always answered. But when puberty was upon him, he finally absorbed the full message of the facts of life. As he would realize later, the story had a twist on New Hope it had nowhere else. The way babies were made was that a man stroked his penis until the semen came out, and then gave it to a woman, who placed it inside her vagina with her fingers.

He had heard the history many times growing up, but now he really got it. In the patriarchal world they had escaped, one way men had controlled women was to lie on them and humiliate them by forcing their penises inside of the women's bodies. The very geometry of shoving something into another person's body was violence. The men added insult to injury by peeing in them -- well, actually it was semen -- whether the women wanted it or not. Sometimes the men started babies the women didn't want, and of course it was the women who had to go through the 9 months of pregnancy, not the men. In the patriarchy, the women were also stuck with all the work of child care.

He learned about sexual attraction. Sometimes girls liked girls and boys liked boys in a special way, and other times girls and boys liked each other. If two of them wanted to, they could form a partnership and sleep together at night. The partner of a woman could give her pleasure by licking her between the legs in just the right way. The partner of a man could give him pleasure by stroking his penis up and down with her hand.

When he was 14, he became aware that his two big sisters were both very interested in Jacob, who was then 16. They had no interest in Jacob's big sisters -- not that way. They both tried to get Jacob's attention. The older women made it clear that two people should be involved with each other exclusively. In the evil patriarchal world, some men had taken two women for themselves, either divorcing an older woman to marry a younger one, or secretly having a mistress on the side. That was an aspect of the evil patriarchy, the idea that men were entitled to multiple women. So if Jacob wanted to have a partner, he would have to pick just one.

Flattered by the attention, Jacob picked Alison, then 20. They became a couple and slept together. They weren't really married, because in the patriarchy marriage had bad associations with ownership. But still the others talked casually of Jacob as Alison's husband and Alison as Jacob's wife.

Paul wondered how a couple acted. His mom and Heather were not a couple. They slept in different huts, each with her kids. He knew that his mother was the kind of woman who was sexually attracted to men, while Heather was the kind who was sexually attracted to women.

So Alison and Jacob were the first couple he had ever seen. When he looked at them together, he noticed Alison beaming at Jacob. Jacob was more reserved. He overheard his mother and Heather noting that they were very impressed with Jacob, who was not acting at all like he owned Alison or could tell her what to do.

He overheard Alison talking with their mother sometimes. Alison was eager to have a baby, so when Jacob's semen came out, she took it on her finger and pushed it up inside herself. He overheard in more hushed tones a conversation among Alison, his mother and Heather. Alison reported that Jacob really didn't like licking her between the legs. Heather said that a man should be willing to do that for his partner -- had the patriarchy somehow slipped onto this island with them? His mom noted that no one should do anything sexual unless he or she wanted to, and Heather couldn't object to that. In fact, Jacob wasn't interested in kissing Alison either, and he preferred to rub his penis himself to make the semen come out rather than having Alison rub it, and the women thought that was perfectly fine.

When Paul was 14, Molly was 18 and Tara was 16. They both affected him in a way they hadn't when he was younger. He confided to his mother his faster heartbeat and excitement in the presence of the two girls who were not his sisters, and she smilingly confirmed that that was sexual attraction and it was just fine. And just to make sure he'd considered all the possibilities -- no, he didn't feel that way about Jacob at all.

Paul was excited by Molly and Tara, and he realized that they had been excited by him for some time. Now he was 14, the women said it was OK if they wanted to do romantic things together. So he found himself alone with Molly, kissing and hugging her. That felt fantastic and made his penis really stiff. But other times Tara managed to catch him alone and he really enjoyed kissing and hugging her too. The two girls had been good sisters with each other up until that point, but now they started arguing and being mean to each other.

The mothers suggested that Paul really ought to pick one of them and do his kissing and hugging with just her, to settle the rivalry. Paul chose Tara. The women thought he was too young to start sleeping at night with Tara, but they could find a private spot during the day to do their hugging and kissing if they wanted -- they did.

Then he was asked if he could provide semen for Molly, because she wanted to have a baby. Both males were already taken, so there was no one for her to partner with. Obviously it was much healthier not to try to have a baby with her own brother, so Paul was the only choice.

The women had said that he had to pick just one woman, but he could provide semen to the other for artificial insemination. That was just fine, and in fact that was how Molly, Tara and Jacob had all been conceived. They didn't know their biological father -- though Heather and Ruth had chosen the same father for both of the pregnancies.

On New Hope, discussions of sex had been open but privacy also respected. His mom asked him solemnly if he knew how to make his body produce semen. He replied with equal solemnity that he did in fact know that. He had in fact been making his body expel semen regularly for some time now. He and Tara weren't sure if it was permitted, so they didn't tell the others, but in their private make-out sessions, she had started using her hand to make Paul expel semen too.

He liked Molly and was happy to help her have a baby. For a week or so out of every month Molly appeared at his door every evening with a small dish. He went inside, rubbed himself and spurted his semen into it, and after making himself decent again, he handed it back to Molly. She disappeared into her own hut to finger it up inside of herself.

Jacob was already servicing Paul's big sister Kira in the same fashion.

When Paul was 15, he and Tara convinced the women that they should be able to become a real couple and spend the night together. Fifteen was too young in the outside world, but here on the island things could be more relaxed. There was plenty of room and plenty of food, and the island just seemed to call out for babies.

Paul was excited when he finally got to move to his own hut with Tara and sleep with her at night. He was especially eager to lie in bed with her and hug, naked. His penis got very stiff doing that, and he asked her to tell him if she ever felt his penis was threatening or controlling in any way, and she solemnly agreed to do that. But he got to fondle and kiss every part of her body. She loved it when he sucked on her nipples, and they agreed that was OK even though Paul's nipples were much smaller and he didn't especially like to have them sucked. He also loved touching Tara between the legs, and she loved to be touched there. They both made sure he never penetrated her vagina with his finger, because that was a violent act. Paul loved licking Tara between the legs with his tongue, and he soon knew how to give her large, satisfying orgasms.

As before, Tara was happy to stroke Paul's penis with her hand, and he loved that. She could give him an orgasm and make his semen come out, and that felt special to him -- much better than when he did it himself. She reported the desire to take his penis in her mouth, but they both knew that was a way of him dominating her so they mustn't do that. Tara didn't know how that patriarchal desire to humiliate herself had infected her, but she reassured Paul that he had done nothing to encourage it. He was relieved.

Even though he was now fully partnered with Tara, he of course kept giving Molly semen. Tara liked to kiss him, stroke him, and collect his semen in the dish and hand it out the door to her sister. Paul could just lie back and enjoy the harvesting process.

At 17 Tara was old enough to get pregnant, so she began inserting Paul's semen into her own vagina too. And Paul felt a special thrill to lie in the haze of afterglow and watch his wife open her vagina with one hand and finger his semen into it with the other. He felt a fascination with that vagina, a desire to insert into that opening his own finger -- at least. He also felt tremendous guilt at this violent patriarchal impulse. The inside of her vagina would remain forever a mystery to him. It was only for her to penetrate, and only when trying to make a baby.

However, their efforts to make babies weren't working.

In the year before Paul and Tara partnered, none of the other three young women got pregnant. The older women urged everyone to stay relaxed -- it sometimes took a while, and there was no cause for alarm. But another year went by with all four trying, and still no pregnancies.

Word came that Jacob was sick of providing sperm for Paul's sisters, and only did it now and then, under protest. They all liked the idea of some babies for New Hope, but there were none in the offing.

Paul and Tara were walking around the island, hand in hand.

It was turtle mating season, and they came across a pair of the beasts, male mounted on the female's back.

"Look at them. Patriarchal beasts," said Paul with a laugh.

Tara stopped to look. "Yeah, it may be, but it works. They lay eggs and have little turtles." They walked on in silence several yards and she said, "I've been thinking ... Why don't we do that? To make babies?"

"Well, we're civilized. And in us humans it's part of the patriarchy, and that's bad."

"I know, I know ... But that way works for making babies, right? It's the way humans did it for years and years. It's the way everyone made babies except some lesbos like my mom."

"It made babies, but it also was a root cause of the patriarchy."

Tara sighed. "Did you notice we're really short on babies? That this new civilized method isn't working? The old way gets the sperm right where it belongs -- in the right place, deep in the vagina."

"We're also very short on the patriarchy."

"It takes more than one thing to make a patriarchy, right? The problem with the fucking was that men made women do it, not the act itself." That word 'fucking' was rarely used on New Hope, and it conveyed the strength of Tara's feeling.

"But it's violent! It's a violation of a woman's body!"

"Well, maybe I want a violation of my body. Does that girl turtle suffer or run away? No. The boy turtle shoves it into her, gives her the sperm, and that's what she wants."

"This is crazy talk. What would our mothers say?"

"Why do we have to do what our mothers say? Do they own us?"

If there was one thing Paul felt deep down, it was that he had to obey his mother and Heather.

Paul hurried ahead, ending the conversation.

Tara brought the subject up again several times, and he always stood firm. He considered telling his mother about these strange tendencies in his wife, but decided to keep it private.

Paul woke in the dead of night to a pleasant sensation. Tara was gently stroking his penis, which was rapidly stiffening. She woke him up that way now and then, and he really liked it. He had also been known to massage a sleeping Tara between the legs, very gently. They had given each other standing permission to do that now and then without asking, so it was not a violation of anyone's consent.

He was on his back, legs spread a bit. He was aware of Tara shifting around, moving. She had hold of his penis, pointing it upwards, and it bumped against something.

Curiosity piqued, he opened his eyes to look. In the dim light he could make out Tara squatting above him, trying to point his penis at her vagina!

"What are you doing?" he hissed loudly, pushing her away.

"I was trying to get some sperm up where I want it," she said angrily.

"Well, you can't do it without my permission. No one has to do anything with sex if he doesn't want to."

"Right. Looks like an anti-patriarchy, right? Here I am, trying to steal sex from you."

"You're impossible," said Paul, turning away from her in bed.

Tara lay down, putting her back up against his.

After a few minutes, Paul turned over and spooned against her back.

"What if we did it and then you felt really terrible and hated me?"

She turned onto her back and looked at him. "Give me a little credit, right? I say I want to try it, and I want to try it. Even in the patriarchy, lots of women loved to get it over and over again. It's all over the books we read. Penis in their vagina, sperm shooting out deep." She demonstrated with a finger poking in and out of the curved fingers of her other.

When Paul didn't say anything, she turned away and said with a sneer, "Or you could do it to Molly. Then if she hates you it's no big deal."

"You know the rules on that. That would be like bigamy, or an affair."

"Fuck the rules! Our mothers don't own us," she said. "Besides, you're ten times stronger than anyone else here."

"I'm sleeping over here," she said, going over to the other bed they used as a place to read, tossing books onto the floor.

"Fine," said Tara.

Paul did not sleep for a long time. He kept going over his conversation with Tara, over and over again. Now and then he reflected on what she'd said about strength. It was true -- inside he would always be a little boy, but he was tall, and he could lift logs and rocks no one else could. Jacob was older, but had a slight build.

He hoped Tara's mood would lift in the morning, but she avoided him and when their eyes met briefly she was plainly still angry. That night as they lay down in different beds, she said, "You're such a good boy, why don't you go back and sleep with your mommy. And in the morning, make sure to get her permission before you pee in the potty."

Paul felt a surge of anger. It's true his mother didn't own him, but she was his mother! Tara's pestering was wearing him down, making him doubt his convictions. For half an hour his thoughts stewed.

There she was in the other bed, snoring just a little. She wanted his penis in her vagina. Putting aside his doubts for the moment, he thought about what it would be like. His penis approaching the forbidden place, forcing its way into her body. The prospect made him dizzy -- and very stiff.

The idea of trying the old, natural way of babies made sense -- if there was any excuse for rape, that was it. His penis twitched. He was sick of fighting with her in this strange, passive way.

Oh, to hell with it! He rose from bed, ditched his pajamas, then stood beside her.

"OK, bitch, make like a turtle!" he growled.

She woke with a start, turned, and looked. Quickly getting his meaning, she said "OK", but he realized she looked a little frightened too. Well, to hell with that. She stripped naked in seconds, and then knelt on the bed, presenting her butt to him.

He knelt behind her, opened her lips roughly, realizing how much he wanted this. He stuck his penis tip in, and pushed. He felt an exciting hot wetness at his tip, but it didn't go inside. He pushed again, as hard as he could, but nothing happened.

"Wait, wait, we'll get it," said Tara. "Keep trying, just not quite so hard."

So he kept poking, and she shifted around different ways. Then a poke went in a bit, inside her body, surrounding his penis tip in warm wetness.

Violence. He was inflicting violence on Tara. The excitement was also overwhelming. Everything about his life up to this point had been controlled, implications thought through. He was always on alert for signs of the patriarchy emerging. But the tip of his stiff cock was buried in a wet place between Tara's legs, a hot, wet, and slick place. His hands grabbed her hips, and with grunts he pushed his penis further and further into her. Every inch was an extra violation, and every inch felt better than the last.

Make like a turtle, he thought. He jammed hard, and felt his penis surge in until the tip bumped the end. And then he began fucking, fast and hard and rude. When he felt the ecstasy of orgasm approaching, he jammed one last time super deep while his sperm spewed out. The pleasure was amazing. He felt he'd made contact with his deepest nature, his true purpose in life. Relaxing, he let himself slide out of her, and as he did he also knew that he had betrayed everything he had been taught.

She held the position of her body, but her head dropped to the pillow. "There, bitch. You satisfied now?" he said with some bitterness.

He returned to his bed and turned to face the wall. Conflicting emotions raged. He felt guilty about raping and humiliating Tara. He was also aware of something very strong stirring, a beast. It had also felt like the best thing he'd ever done in his life. It was right. Did that mean the patriarchy was within him, ready to burst forth?

Seconds after he lay down, Tara snuggled up behind him, squirming, caressing, kissing. "Thank you, thank you, thank you," she said.

"So, you liked that?" said Paul.

"Yes! It hurt some, but I liked it. I liked it a whole lot! What about you?"

"Well, um, it felt pretty good actually. Really good. Fantastic, actually!" He sighed and groaned. "But what if my mother finds out?"

"Oh, Paul, fuck your mother -- and mine too! We make our decisions, they make theirs."

He felt a guilty surge of anger at the older women, then turned to face Tara. They kissed and caressed. Soon his penis was stiff again.

"So now -- if you're willing -- slide it into me again, the normal human way, face to face?"

Paul was very willing. He mounted and buried his penis in the special hole up between Tara's legs, the hole he now realized he'd been aiming for his whole life. Tara smiled up at him. He smiled back. When he started fucking faster and deeper, Tara smiled more. It contradicted everything he'd been taught. He fucked away for a good long time. When he felt good and ready, he lunged and spurted.

It was like all their earlier licking and hand action had just been a warm up. Finally they were doing what they really wanted to be doing. They did it once more before falling asleep, then did it again in the morning. They arranged to meet back in their room around noon the next day and did it again. They did it turtle style. They did it standing up. They did it with him flat on his back, Tara plunging up and down on him. Day after day, they did it at least twice, and were happier together than they'd ever been. After a few days he suggested licking Tara again, and she was happy to have an orgasm every couple days. But a lot of the time she just wanted to get fucked.

The morning after the first time he fucked his mate, the world looked brighter, more colorful, more vivid. He eyed Molly with new interest. He wanted to fuck her too. Toss her down on a bed, force her legs apart, and fuck it into her. Not that he'd do that, of course. But if she wanted to ... He felt some guilty stirrings when he looked at his sisters Alison and Kira too.

Weeks passed. Tara missed her period, and she began feeling changes in her body. She missed another period. It looked like she was pregnant. Everyone was happy. Nothing was said publicly about the change in technique that had been responsible.

One morning Molly looked at Paul a different way -- a sort of shy, awkward way. It immediately hit him -- she wants to get fucked. He was basically right, though they had some song and dance to go through before she admitted it. When she caught him alone, she said Tara had told her what they had done differently. She spoke of their joint decision approvingly. She wanted to see if it would work to get her pregnant too.

"So, would you like me to engage in sexual intercourse with you?"

"Well, if you wouldn't mind terribly. I know you're partnered with Tara, but she said that it would be OK with her if we were just trying to make a baby."

His mother and Heather couldn't tell him what to do. Why could Tara?

"How'd you like to do it right now?"

"Oh! I don't think I'm fertile just now."

"To heck with that. I want to do it to you now. You willing?"

"Oh, I don't know ... Um..."

He took her by the hand and led her to a seldom-used room. He put his arm around her waist and pulled her tight against him, front to front.

"I want to do it to you, right now," he growled.

She looked at him, eyes wide, confused.

"If we're going to do it later, why not now? If you say no to me now, I might not feel like it later ... You've dreamed of it, right? Getting a penis to stuff your pussy?" 'Pussy' was a word they hardly ever used on the island, a swear word. His usage conveyed an attitude.

"I ... Well..." she said, then stopped.

He reached his hand up between her legs as she stood. After a brief hesitation, she moved her feet wider apart to aid his exploration. He cupped her labia through her panties, then started massaging. She looked up at him in wonder.

"That gets you wet, right? It gets Tara wet, and when you two used to share secrets you told her it does. And why does it get you wet? Because your body is expecting a hard cock to fuck you! Your body wants the cock, and the wet is just so the in and out will be smooth."