Chapter 6

[Andrea writes in Italy]

"Charles, you told me that I would have to do this some day. Hold me, my love.

"Bobbi, it's hard but I'll try. Some of it is hindsight. I am so ashamed of my actions and my feelings from the time before the thirty days started. The thirty days were difficult but so guilt ridden.

"I had felt invincible. I was the star of the C-130 training. I was the hottest woman there with a totally hot guy who I thought worshipped me. What I didn't know was that he loved me enough to let me go. I also didn't know that he was enough of a person that he didn't and doesn't need someone to congratulate him on how well he does, or did. I need positive reinforcement. I was blind to the fact that he had long since stopped trying to pass the training.

"I was running over everyone. Vic and Tom couldn't bring themselves to stop me from hurting others. My father dropped the training to keep from losing his love for me. That should have opened my eyes but it didn't. Finally, I humiliated Charles publicly and he decided to force the issue. He had wanted to leave because he didn't like where things were going. My actions were the final straw. He left without telling me. I found out and talked to my parents realizing how serious the situation was and that it was mostly my fault.

"Charles agreed to see me under limited circumstances and forced a thirty day separation on me. He told me that he didn't expect to see me at the end of it but would give me that opportunity. He said that I would be able to pick a new guy. He held out minimal hope that we would get back together. He left.

"I was in tears. No man had ever denied me and he had left me as being insufficient as a woman. I was devastated. Dad talked to me when I asked him to and explained how he had been hurt and how I had treated Charles. We returned to finish the training. At that time, that was all I had. The guys at Dobbins in the training all wanted me but I quickly realized that the best of them were a poor second choice compared to Charles who had spurned me as unworthy. What's worse, I realized that I was unworthy.

"Bobbi, this man would have died for me. He saved my life twice. I took him for granted and then humiliated him in public. I cried myself to sleep for a few nights as I thought about my life and realized how much Charles meant in that life. I realized that he was the leading light in our being a couple. I vowed to change to be the kind of person who would try to deserve and be worthy of his love. At the end of the thirty days, I wanted him so badly but still had a streak of nastiness in me. I had apologized and asked, no begged him to take me back.

"Before he could answer, I pridefully walked out. He had to come out and bring me in. He knew that he would have to punish me sufficiently to remove that prideful rebellion yet not lose the loving woman he knew I could be.

"Everyone left and he made me lie across his lap and he used a belt to whip my backside until I almost passed out. He then put salve on me and held me as I cried. He loved me that afternoon and we gave ourselves to each other. I have said that it was the worst and best day of my life.

"He had our parents return that evening to hear the results. I promised to obey Charles. In obeying him and in loving him, I have found joy and found true love. Bobbi, that is why I talk of being freed for joyful obedience. It's true and it's wonderful. Charles has never touched me with violence again. After all, I am willful, not stupid."

I sighed and shivered. "I am married to an all-together wonderful, marvelous man who loves me with all my problems and ugliness."

Bobbi said, "You are one of the most beautiful women anywhere. You live an ideal life."

"I can see me in a mirror. I know what I look like outside. However, I know what I look like inside, too. I have an ideal life because Charles loves me enough to keep me in line. He loves me too much to allow me to fail myself or him. I freely obey him. There are so many parallels in the Bible that it's terrifying. Through Charles, I have found my faith is stronger and we are partners in that as in everything. Charles' love makes me want to be kind and loving to others. He gives me the strength to talk to you tonight.

"He can sense things almost as well as Mom Mel. He knows too much but he loves enough to allow people freedom."

"You make my brother sound like a paragon."

I laughed. "No. He's just a man but a very special man. You know that he will probably be the next director of Protection. Doctor George won't run again. A number of people have approached me about nominating Charles. Mom Janice says that the three of us are the future leaders."

"What about Jacob and SJ?"

"They will be involved but you and Charles are the crown jewels. That is one reason you must plan your future with a little more thought than most girls."

Charles said, "Bobbi, you have at least enough to think about now. It's very late and we all need some sleep. If you want, we'll talk more in the morning." He kissed her forehead and then turned to kiss my lips. We went to sleep with Bobbi and I being held by my wonderful husband.

In the morning, we rose and dressed. We went outside to the community building and helped with breakfast. The older Italian women did most of the cooking and were surprised to see Charles helping with the cooking and doing it willingly and well.

After a while, Charles asked me to sit with Bobbi and talk with her. I did and we were sitting quietly discussing her feelings and mine when Tomas and two of his buddies came in. They saw Charles helping and Tomas pointed and laughed. That was a mistake as he quickly found out when he started to sit next to Bobbi.

She stood up and said, "Andy, let's move. We're waiting for real men like Charlie to sit with us." I stood with her, my face blank and walked with her to another table. Tomas' face went red. Either he was mad or embarrassed. I thought to myself that it had better be the later or he would find his romance over.