Chapter 11

Summertime and the living is easy ... unless the Department of the Treasury is after because you rained on their parade.

Fish are jumping..."Let's see your license, boy."

"Don't need one, sir."

"Why not, boy."

"Because boys are exempt."

"You're a man, don't give no shit, boy."

"Can't be a man, sir."

"Why is that, Boy?"

"You've called me boy four times and if you don't know the difference ... OW!"

"I said, don't give me no shit, boy."

"See that man sitting over there? The one with the movie camera and the parabolic microphone? Or ... for that matter, the highway patrolman heading this way?"

"What's he going to do, boy?"

"The highway patrolman is going to arrest you, sir. The cameraman is an officer of the court collecting evidence."

And the cotton is high.

"Mighty fine crop of Merrijawanna, kid."

"Cotton crop, sir."

"That's pot because I said so."

"What are you going to tell the Agriculture professor that's behind you?"

I kept getting in deeper and deeper because it's me that's rich and my wife is good looking ... Why am I crying?

Finally, I cried the the Governor of the State of Michigan, George Wilcken Romney. George had been at my wedding.

"David Anderson for the Governor," I spoke into the phone.

"I think he'll speak to me, Miss."

"George regularly asks me for money."

"Yes ... THAT David Anderson."

There was a wait ... maybe thirty seconds.

"Hello, George."

"Sorry about that, I hate it when I get calls from the Government."

"Listen, George. I'm being harassed by the Feds."

"Yeah ... That David Anderson."

"See what you can do, George. I'm constantly plagued by the Alphabet soup."

"I made them look bad, George. It doesn't matter that they Were bad ... I was supposed to lie down and take it because our government would never harass an honest man."

"That was a joke, George."

"Ok ... it wasn't funny. It was true ... but not funny."

"Yes, Sir. Could you give Lyndon a call? I've about run out of polite and getting short on temper, too."

"Oh, yes, sir. I've prayed about it."

"What would Jesus do?" I thought about that for a second, "Well, sir. He took a whip to the money lenders and temple prostitutes. Scattered the usury on the temple floor. You sure you want me to do that?"

"It's in the Bible sir. And making a whip of cords, he drove them all out of the temple, with the sheep and oxen. And he poured out the coins of the money-changers and overturned their tables. And he told those who sold the pigeons, "Take these things away; do not make my Father's house a house of trade. Book of John, chapter 2, verse 13 through 16."

"You look it up, Sir."

"Grace? You're a genius! I could kiss you ... I think I will," and I did ... and a whole lot more.

"David, don't you dare answer that. You paid two hundred dollars for that answering machine ... let it."

So ... while Grace and I practiced honeymoon behaviors, the machine said: Greetings and salutations. You have reached a secure line of an unnamed governmental agency. You are supposed to know who you called. If you feel you have reached this number in error you have been on the line long enough for us to trace the call. At the tone, enter your eleven digit password. BEEP

A rather deep Texas voice said, "Good god, David. That's funny. I'm going to have the staff record a message like that for the WhiteHouse. George called. I had no idea. It's taken care of. I'm going to call back in a minute. I want the head of the Secret Service to hear this ... those guys are entirely too serious. Ya'll take care now, ya hear?"

CLICK

A few minutes later, the phone started ringing ... the machine picked up and ran through the message. BEEP

"Hot Damn, Lyndon ... that's funnier than the time Belle bucked Lady Bird off in the cow shit. This is just a couple of kids? Warped minds, Lyndon. That kid could end up being the President. Is she old enough to run of the Michigan Legislature? Oh ... it's still on?"

CLICK

The Secret Service showed up a week later. Johnson wanted Grace to run for Representative.