Chapter 7

For the next month I worked hard to distract myself. It didn't work. Keira hovered in my consciousness, ever-present, haunting me and stealing away everyday simple pleasures. I saw her beautiful tears every time I closed my eyes. I became obsessed with distracting myself from her memory. Once casual alcoholic drinks became the norm, no longer casual, consumed to numb me and help me sleep.

In moments of inebriation I wondered if there was only one person in the world that was the perfect partner and Keira had been mine. In those moments I regretted pushing her away. In morning sobriety my life felt dull, boring, the passing of time painfully slow. Work suffered. One cannot be creative when drowning. Colleagues noticed and began to ask questions. A damaged Triumph sat waiting for attention in the rented garage I used as a workshop. I just didn't care about anything, not even myself.

June somehow passed into July, unnoticed. The arm cast was removed to reveal pale white skin and scars from scratching too harshly. The deep scrapes on my right leg healed into white patches. I didn't care. How could one young girl bring such desolation and disruption to my life?

On the first Saturday in July I wandered through the Galleria Mall seeking refuge from hot, arid weather. I wasn't really going anywhere or doing anything. I think I was avoiding home, alcohol, depression.

Through the crowd milling around a multiplex cinema our eyes met. The connection was instantaneous, almost physical. Keira, in her jeans and pale green blouse, a black lacy camisole showing underneath, with pale red hair cascading free in soft waves, tore my breath away. My heart palpitated. My blood pressure skyrocketed. I turned away and hurried out.

It didn't help.

I was back at square one, in Hell. God she'd looked so pretty. Back home I drank until numb. It didn't work. In a moment of weakness, influenced by alcohol, I pulled out my cell phone and typed a message.

'So sorry. I was wrong. I miss you so much. Please forgive me.'

That message sat on the phone for half an hour waiting for me to push the send button. Visions of her filled my mind, so beautiful, such a special girl. With a deep breath, I steeled myself. Just do it, I admonished myself. My thumb touched the send button.

KEIRA SAT WATCHING THE television with Mom and Dad, her sister and brother out. Her mind wasn't following the show. She was still shocked at the sight of Sebastian. He'd looked awful. He'd lost weight and looked haunted. Why?

It didn't matter. He deserved it! No one had ever hurt her so much. She'd cried for a week after being rejected, Mom worried when she'd hidden in her room. It had taken Jenny's constant bright enthusiasm to drag her back up, but something was missing. No matter what she did a little joy was missing inside her. Seb had damaged her somehow.

She'd spent countless hours wondering what she'd done wrong. How had she scared Seb away? She'd been confused, too. Everything had been going so well and then suddenly it wasn't. Seeing Seb today was a shock.

Her iPhone buzzed. Automatically Keira looked down at the screen. She saw Seb's text and for some strange reason she felt like crying, pressure building behind her eyes. Standing, she quickly left the living room, her hand shaking.

In her bedroom she read and re-read his text. Emotions cascaded through her; relief, joy, anger, worry for how he looked. She read the text and decided to erase it, a gesture of defiance, her finger hovering over the button. She couldn't.

She read it again, 'So sorry. I was wrong. I miss you so much.' Seb missed her! He was sorry, too. Still, he'd hurt her more than anyone ever.

Her thumbs typed, 'Leave me alone'. In a burst of courage she hit the send button. Regret immediately hit her. Oh God! He was reaching out to me! He apologized and I brushed him off!

For five minutes she stared at the iPhone screen, silently pleading for Seb to answer.

A message appeared. 'Please Keira. Forgive me. Nothing is right anymore.'

Relieved, emboldened, Keira frowned and responded, 'U deserve it'.

'UR right.'

Keira smiled slightly. 'UR an ass'. She pressed the send button. The response was almost immediate.

'I am. Sorry?'

Keira smiled, her thumbs typing. 'How sorry?'

'Really sorry. Lunch?'

Keira grinned. 'Real lunch? No trucks?'

'K'

With a sneaky smile, Keira typed, 'And a kiss?'

'Promise.'

Keira grinned, a feeling of elation permeating her. 'K'

KEIRA STOLE MY BREATH when she opened the front door.

"You look awful," she said.

"You look wonderful," I responded with a smile. She did, too. I'd missed those soft brown eyes, that sweet smile, those sexy freckles. Damn but she was pretty.

Dressed in pale green Capri pants, pink Keds, and a lacy cream-colored top over a lacy pink camisole, Keira was edible. I bent in and made her blush lightly by kissing her cheek, her skin soft. My nose detected cucumber and lilacs.

Keira's eyes widened. She smiled with pleasure and told me, "That's not an acceptable kiss." Without waiting for a response, she leaned back into the open front door and yelled, "I'm off, Mom!"

The door closed. She looked at me. "You really don't look well. You've lost weight."

"I have."

"It doesn't suit you," she chastised. And, as an afterthought she added, "You're a real ass, Seb. I hate you."

She reached out and grabbed my hand, fingers intertwining. Giving my hand a firm tug we started walking.

FROM THE UPSTAIRS BEDROOM window, Keira's mother watched her daughter reach for Sebastian's hand. She saw the spring in Keira's steps and how animated and bright her daughter was. In some ways she was thankful. For the last month or so Keira had been unnaturally quiet and reserved.

She'd known her daughter's heart had been broken and felt for her. That ache, while something all girls had to experience at some point, was still agonizing.

For more than four weeks she'd held her tongue and wrestled with the situation. She knew who had been responsible for Keira's suffering - Sebastian McDaniel. She'd initially frowned on the relationship, although she suspected nothing had really happened with them, sexually, that is. Keira was too smart for that.

She'd made some inquiries and discovered that, contrary to the image he projected, Sebastian was apparently a relatively trustworthy young man doing quite well in a prestigious advertising agency. She couldn't even disapprove of him being eleven years older than Keira. Paul, her own husband, was ten years older than she was and their relationship was wonderful.