Chapter 1

"Mom!" Five was in distress.

"Mom! Quit." Her whole life was ruined.

"Mom! Not that one! He doesn't need to see that one!" Oh God! Not the one in the tub. AAARRRGGGHHH

"Mother! You stay out of this!"

There was a little wrestling match. Junior ... who must be pushing Sixty was trying to wrest the family photo album from her daughter, Wendolyn Four, while Five was mortified beyond belief.

The first time ... EVER ... she had brought a boy home and HER MOM was showing HIM the baby pictures. Grand mother, bless her heart, was trying to grab the album.

When one is turned twelve ... just ... life is a series of insult and ecstasy, adventure and disappointment. Everything in the whole world is about you and no one listens. "Grow up!" they shout and then, when you try..."You're too young for that."

Wendy could remember learning to dress herself. She was so proud. Stripes, checks, polkadots ... in completely awful color combinations ... and all the girls in her kindergarten dressed just like that. They were all proud. But, sadly, someones mom told her daughter that little ladies dressed becomingly, and that was the beginning of the end. Her teacher was so relieved ... she could stop wearing dark glasses to block out the glare.

With the island gone, Junior had moved the Capitol City ... to ... well ... Capitol City. The remnants of the United States, bereft of guidance from on high, had joined with the fragments of Canada that didn't vote to join the Princessapality.

Ontario was not among them. The radioactive fog that swept, windblown out of Potagannissing Bay and through Georgian Bay, had done untold damage to Ottawa's population. The freaks and geeks were just beginning to make themselves known ... odd radiation mutations born to the survivors. When the truth came out, English Canada wanted revenge. England said No, the United States is our ally and we must not provoke.

After Junior had Company move the bomb from the United Nations to Camp David ... thus eliminating the President, the Ontario vote to join the Princessapality was overwhelming.

The Southern States abandoned the US without a qualm ... gun control legislation, OSHA regulations prohibiting the manufacture of lead bullets and propellent, eliminating ammunition, and a liberal media sent them to the polis in the largest voter revolt since ... well ... forever. 99.9 percent turnout and 96 percent vote to join the Princessapality shocked the world.

China demanded payment on 35 trillion dollars ... DC printed 35 trillion dollars worth of worthless one hundred thousand dollar bills and dropped the bales at the Chinese Legation. China instantly chose the GBP as the new world currency.

Junior had never married but Wendolyn IV came along anyway. She married, to an Austin ... and David seemed to be a popular name with the Austin Clan. Besides it was cheaper, she wouldn't have to print new letterheads and calling cards ... Her entire reign was like that.

"No! I won't spend money on the family that could be used for the people."

So Wendy Five grew up wearing second hand clothes and donated shoes. She went to public school, ate bag lunches and walked or biked to and from just like the neighbors.

Five was people.

When she turned twelve, the ceremonial passing of the watch was refused.

Chapter 2 »