Chapter 15

I got up around 6:00 the next morning and prepared for my run. Exercise is well known to be an effective stress reliever and I had more than enough stress that needed to be relieved. I returned home around 7:00 headed for the shower. I could hear my father getting up and some sounds coming from Julie's room. By the time I had finished my shower and dressed, Dad had already left for work. Mom was conspicuously absent. Julie stumbled into the kitchen to find me enjoying a bowl of breakfast cereal. She fixed herself a bowl too. She said almost nothing until we were in the car headed for school.

"Mike," she started, "you have to tell me what's going on. Mom and Dad wouldn't tell me anything last night after you went to your room. I almost couldn't sleep last night for worrying. What did they do?"

"Julie," I said, "I wish I could reassure you, but they insist on grounding me for two weeks because I spent the night with Amy. I'm sure Mom would have insisted on imposing her original two months sentence if Dad hadn't talked her out of it. I told them straight up that I would move out if they punished me when I had done nothing wrong. But they won't back down. And get this, they are rationalizing that I deserve punishment for being a bad example for you."

Julie was now weeping openly, tears streaming down her face.

"This is all my fault. If I hadn't been mean to you, you wouldn't have blackmailed me. If that hadn't happened you wouldn't have dated Amy and none of this would have happened."

"Julie," I said gently, "Don't blame yourself. I finally realized that Mom doesn't know how to love us; she only knows how to control. She must have decided when we were little just how we were supposed to behave. You always met her expectations and never had any problems with her. I never did exactly what she expected or wanted and had to pay the price when she tried to force me to conform. For a long time you were her ally in her behavior control program and it was easier for me to blame you instead of her. Its hard to accept that your own mother doesn't know how to love you."

"Oh no," she cried, "don't say that, it's not true. Of course Mom loves you. She just doesn't know how to show it."

"It doesn't matter," I said with some heat. "I still get treated the same and I can't take it anymore. Maybe if I move out for a while, she'll come to her senses, but I doubt it. As far as I can see, we're at an impasse. She insists that I be punished and I refuse to submit. In fact, I believe that my resistance to punishment has hardened her resolve."

We had reached the student parking lot and I had parked the car. I reached over to turn Julie's face toward me and used a clean handkerchief to dry her tears.

"Don't worry," Julie, I said. "I still love you and I'll find a way for us to spend some time together. I doubt it will be easy, but we'll find a way. Go on, now. I'll see you here after school."

She was still sniffling as we parted ways to go to our first classes. The school day was a blur for me as I sleep walked through my classes. I touched base with Amy after physics. We had a couple of minutes before I had to meet Julie at the car. She told me that her mom agreed for me to stay with them if my parents agreed. I gave her a brief summary of the drama from yesterday leaving out my interlude with Julie. I told her that I could make a proposal to my father but that I had no hope of being able to talk to my mother. She looked astounded but ended by asking me to let her know what to tell her mother. I promised that I would as soon as I could.

When I got back to the car, both Julie and Lisa were waiting for me.

Before I could say anything, Lisa piped up, "At lunch Julie told me what happened. I called my mom and told her that I would get a ride home with you and Julie. Is that OK?"

"Sure," I said. "No problem. I suppose you want me to fill you in on all the details. I guess I owe you that."

We got into the car and I continued the story in the car. I gave Lisa and Julie a very brief summary of my date with Amy from our evening at the carnival to her invitation to spend the night. I left out the details of making love with Amy, but I did tell them that Amy's mother was aware and accepted what we had done. From there I went on to describe the fights with Mom and Dad the day before and the impasse we had reached.

At that point, Lisa exclaimed, "Mike, how could you do that. I thought we agreed that you would date two or three girls from your class just to divert suspicion from us. You weren't supposed to date just one girl and fall in love with her."

"Wait a minute," I exclaimed back. "You have drawn some inaccurate conclusions. Although I spent the night with Amy, I'm not in love with her. I do have special feelings for her because she is smart and nice. But that does not change how I feel about you two. Secondly, as I tried to explain to Julie, I had no intention of doing anything that would cause my parents to react this way. The truth is that my Dad has reluctantly accepted what Amy and I did, but Mom can't stand it if either Julie or I do anything she doesn't approve. This blow up would have happened eventually regardless of anything else I did. I'm not apologizing to her and I'm not apologizing to you either. It's just another challenge we have to deal with."

"That's easy for you to say," she retorted. "When my mom hears about this, I won't be allowed anywhere near you again."

"Excuse me," I replied. "Unless one of us has fucked up, your mom should assume that you are Julie's friend, not mine. As far as she is concerned, I tutored you in math, nothing more. Or did you spill the beans? And I have to say I don't believe that or I would probably be in jail by now."

"Besides," I went on, "I've painted myself into a corner by making threats that I can't take back. Mom won't back down on the grounding. I will no longer accept punishment for something I did not do or, in this case, that I don't believe to be wrong, I have to leave home. I may have a place to stay. If not, I have money and I can always rent a cheap apartment."

I paused for a long moment and added, "Don't worry; we'll get through this."

By then I had reached Lisa's house and she had no choice but to go inside. She was clearly upset when she left the car to go into her home. I could see her eyes tearing up. But there was nothing I could do just then. Julie and I drove home in silence until just before we got home.

As we pulled up to the house, she asked in a quiet voice, "What happens next?"

I parked in front of the house, turned toward Julie and said, "I'm not sure. Amy's mom has agreed to take me in if Mom and Dad agree. I think Dad can be convinced, but I don't think Mom would ever admit defeat. With her it's total subjugation or nothing. But I can't stay here. As I told them, I have some money saved and I have a profitable business. It would be a lot easier for me if I could stay at Amy's house for a while; at least until I graduate. But either way I'll be gone as soon as I find a place to stay."

When we got out of the car to into the house, I noticed Mom's car was not in the driveway. We walked in the kitchen to discover a note taped to the refrigerator door. It read, "I've gone out for a while. I'll be back in time for dinner. We're having spaghetti. Please start some water to boil around 5:30." It wasn't unusual for Mom to be gone in the afternoon.

I turned to Julie and said, "It looks like we have a couple of hours to ourselves. What would you like to do?"

She sniffled a little at me and asked, "Can we just snuggle on the sofa for a while? I don't feel like doing anything else."

"Sure, Julie," I replied. "I would love to snuggle with you for a while. It seems like we never take time for that because we have so little private time anyway. We've just been getting it on whenever we had enough time. Snuggling can be just as intimate."

"I know," she moaned as we moved toward the sofa. "I hate that we wasted so many years fighting when we could have been loving each other."

I went over to the stereo and selected a radio station that played soft jazz and mood music. Then I joined Julie on the sofa saying, "Well, that's behind us now. All we can do is treat each other right going forward and try to make up for lost time."

We relaxed on the sofa for nearly an hour just holding each other in silence listening to the radio. For me at least, it was really comforting to sit there feeling loved without demands. Time, however, marched on. We finally had to get up and go to our separate rooms before Mom got home. At least this time we didn't have to worry about suspicious stains or revealing odors.

After doing homework for about an hour, I went back to the kitchen, filled a large pot with water and put it on the stove to boil. About 20 minutes later, Mom walked in through the front door carrying a couple of grocery bags. Fully expecting a tirade or a cold shoulder, I was surprised when Mom just said, "Thanks for starting the water."

She proceeded to empty the bags and put away her purchases. Then she asked me to set the table while she took over the rest of the dinner preparation. That consisted of heating some store-bought pasta sauce, putting some frozen garlic bread in the oven to heat and preparing an antipasto salad. By the time all that was in progress, Dad walked in. He seemed surprised to see what looked like preparations for a normal evening meal. He gave Mom a kiss, dropped his briefcase in his office and went upstairs to change out of his suit for something more comfortable.

When everything was ready, Mom announced that dinner was served. Julie and Dad came downstairs and we all sat at the table. As usual, Dad said grace. Mom started passing around the bowls of pasta, sauce and salad. To me it felt surreal as if everyone was pretending that the events of the last few days had never happened. I didn't know what to do or say. We all seemed to desperately ignore the 800-pound gorilla in the room.

Finally Dad said, "Well Mike, have you reconsidered your threat to leave."

"No Sir," I replied. "I have not. In fact, Amy's mom offered me a place to stay until I can find an apartment to rent, but only if you and Mom agree. I would like to do that, but if you will not agree, I will just look for an apartment."

I braced myself for an explosion from Mom.

She astounded me when she spoke up, "That will be fine with me."

She looked directly at me adding, "How soon can you move out?"

Dad looked like a fish out of water as he processed Mom's words.

"Mary," he exclaimed, "You can't be serious! For God's sake, Mike is our son."

With cold, measured words, she replied, "Yes, I am quite serious. It is obvious that Mike rejects all our values. He flaunts his immorality and I, for one, see no reason to put up with it anymore. As far as I am concerned, he is on his own. There is no reason for him to stay if the Scotts are willing to take him in. My only question is how soon can he move."

I was absolutely stunned and I could see that Julie was also.

It felt like several minutes passed before I responded, "I have to tell Amy and her Mom what your decision is. She will probably want to call you to confirm anything I say."

I looked at Dad and asked, "Do you agree with Mom that I can accept Mrs. Scott's offer?"

Dad looked stricken, but he said in a strained voice, "It is very hard for me to agree to letting my only son leave my family under these conditions. But I don't see any positive outcome of continuing this conflict between you and your mother. I will call Mrs. Scott tomorrow."

Mom looked at him and said coldly, "Why don't you call her right now? Since we are agreed on what to do, there is no point in delaying."

With a pained expression, Dad left the table for the telephone. After a brief conversation with Mrs. Scott, he turned to me and said, "You will work out the details with the Scotts tomorrow evening when Mrs. Scott gets home from work."

Then he retreated to his office in silence. Julie rose from the table in tears and glared at Mom saying, "I can't believe you would throw Mike out. He's your son."

Then she ran up the stairs to her room and slammed the door shut leaving Mom and me alone at the table.

I looked at Mom and said, "I am sorry that I am such a disappointment to you. But I will not sacrifice myself to conform to your picture of reality. I hope that someday you will accept me as I am."

She just glared at me with a cold, hard expression. Seeing no further chance of communication, I left and went to my room leaving her alone in the kitchen.

The next morning, Julie and I got up, dressed, ate breakfast and left for school mostly in silence. Dad left early. Mom was nowhere to be seen before we had to leave. Almost a repeat of the day before, Julie wept on the way. Once we had parked, I tried to dry her tears and sent her off to her first class. When I saw Amy at the end of the day, she looked like she was dealing with an internal conflict.

I had to ask, "What's wrong, Amy."

She paused and then replied. "Mom told me about your Dad's call. I should be very happy that you can come stay with us, but I hate to come between you and your family."

"Amy," I said, "this is in no way your fault. If we had never met, this would have eventually happened with my mother. It took me years to understand and, in fact, it was only in the last few days that I finally realized what was going on. If you weren't there for me, I would still have had to leave. You and your mom have been wonderful to save me a lot of pain."

I paused and then continued, "Besides, this makes it easier for us to spend time together. And you're so smart I get an added bonus being able to study for exams with you."

She just laughed and replied, "OK, I'll see you this evening when you come over to work out the details with Mom."

"OK," I said, "What time would be best to come over?"

"Oh yeah," she replied, "Mom said to invite you to dinner at 7:00. Does that work for you? You can come over early if you like."

"Sure," I said. "I could come over around 5:00. Then we'd have a couple of hours to study or whatever."