What Happens When When the Hero Summoning Goes Wrong
Copyright© 2026 by Greven
Chapter 1
I was heading home after another wonderful day as just another cubicle gopher. You know what I mean right? You get out of college with a six year degree that was supposed to get you a high paying job. Only to find out that for every position there were two hundred other people who were vying for the same job. Why? Because when everyone is being pushed into the same field, it gets flooded.
It reminds me of what my uncles said about the military. They tell that you will get one job, and then once they own you, they send you wherever they want you. Well universities tell you what great jobs are out there, then once they have your money, they laugh all the way to the bank while you take any job you can to pay off the loans because there are not enough jobs.
Well back to the present. I was heading home with my briefcase in one hand and a bag from the convenience store in the other when suddenly I couldn’t move my feet. I looked down and saw a strange chalk drawing on the ground and suddenly the strange symbol lit up and I was surrounded by blinding light.
Next thing I know I am standing in a huge stone room that reminded me of some cathedral right down to the stained glass windows. “Heroes from another world, we have summoned you here to help us with a desperate battle for our lives.” I focused on the people around me and I saw a couple of late teens standing in front of me. It looked like your average male jock in a letterman’s jacket, a really fit looking girl in what looked like something you wear in a karate movie, and a little blonde that reminded me of Velma from Scooby do.
Some guy that looked like a reject from a B movie dressed in heavy robes walked up to each of them with a glass ball. “The male is a hero class knight.” He turned to the girl in a karate gi. “This girl is a hero class cleric.” Then he moved on to the nerd girl. “This girl is a hero class mage.” He turned around and started to leave when the jock called out. “What about the old guy?” Old guy? Dude, I’m not even thirty, who are you calling old?
The robe turned around and looked. “What are you doing here?” he asked and I shrugged. “Hell if I know. I was heading home from work and suddenly here I am.” He walked over and held up him ball again. “This man is ... normal. His only gift is online shopper?” He looked at me. “What is an online shopper?” I shrugged. “Someone who spends way too much time on amazon?” I replied
Well that got some snickers from the youngsters at least. We were taken to separate rooms and waited. I snagged a soda out of the plastic bag from the corner store and sipped it wondering just what the fuck was going on. We got a call and as I left my room it seems the others had all been given new outfits befitting their new roles in life. Light armor, heavy armor and the obligatory mages robes with staff. Meanwhile I was still wearing my work suit.
We entered another giant room, but this time there were three thrones on a dais. In that seating was a guy who could have played Jaba the Hut, a pinched face hag, and the nauseatingly cute late teen girl. They were all in velvets, silks, and wearing enough crown jewels for two towers of London.
“Heroes, you have been called to this world to help humanity battle the demon lords that are harassing and killing our people.” Why did this feel about as genuine as a robot call from India? “We need your help and when we reached into space for the greatest of heroes the three of you were called to our aid.” Yo Jaba, there are four people here remember? Fix your script.
After a good old fashioned political campaign speech the three “heroes” talked like they couldn’t wait to challenge the vile demon army. I raised my hand and they all looked at me. “Um, I know I wasn’t supposed to be here, and since you can’t send me home, would it be ok for me to just find my way in the world?” The three teens looked at me like a reject, but I didn’t care. I was happy not to be cannon fodder for Jaba’s army.
An hour later I was walking away from the castle on the hill and into the town below. I lucked out as it seemed like the town, and the people, seemed like the opening scene in a fantasy video game and not like real medieval Europe from the Holy Gail. The streets were pretty clean, the clothing looked the same even if it was home spun cloth, and lots of healthy looking faces.
I had a bag in my pocket with twenty gold coins and I hope that meant I had enough to get some kind of start. People were looking at me and whispering when I realized it was my clothes. A twenty first century suit in a fourteenth century tunic world will make you stand out. I began looking and thankfully I could read the odd squiggles of the language. I dove into a clothing shop and began to look around.
Let me tell you that it was a bit disappointing. There were two styles of tunic in three drab colors. The pants were all basically sweat pants made of broadcloth. I found some that weren’t too long and pulled them on before tying them to fit my waist. I found a pair of boots that fit but I was clearly not the first person to have worn them. When I offered to sell my suit it brought the price down to one gold, and they even threw in a soft leather satchel that reminded me of some old ladies mega-purse.
I walked out of the store and no one was looking so operation “blend in” was working. Now I needed to find a place to live for a while. I found a small inn that only charged two silver a day with one meal included so I was down with that on the spot. I was taken to a room with an actual mattress, not a hay filled sack, and something tells me that is a big plus in this world. I looked closely and didn’t see any parasites waiting to feast on me so that was another big plus.
I sat down and took my first breath of relief since I got here. To be honest I didn’t think they were going to let me live in order to hide their screw up. As far as I was concerned the longer I stayed here, the more I tempted fate, the more chances they would correct that error. Now I had to remember what that robed flunky had told me.
“Open status.” I called out and a large blue light pad came into being in front of me.
Lawrence Howards
Lv 1
Str 8
Wis 8
Chr 8
Int 8
Lck 6
Magic Affinity: Earth
Special Ability: Item Box, Appraise, Online Shopper.
The only thing I noticed, other than being what was probably totally average, was that Online Shopper was lit up while everything else was dimmed down. “Online shopper” I called out and nothing happened. I decided to tap it and suddenly the room lit up and the status page had turned into a thirty inch monitor screen filled with some funky amazon knock off site.
In the top right corner was written “Welcome Larry” and the home page had all kinds of things advertised. I was wondering how this worked. Will some fairy in brown shorts drop the package off by the door? I began going through the tabs and damned if this wasn’t a really handy site. Imagine walmart, costco, target and amazon all in one place. For the fun of it, and because I was damned hungry, I bought a cola and a sub sandwich.
I clicked purchase and nothing happened. I looked down to see the price of four iron coins in this world’s currency, a “no balance” indicator, and a small box. I pulled out a silver coin, touched the screen and the coin vanished. At that instant a small cardboard box appeared and dropped to the floor. I opened the box and there was my order. I pulled it all out and began munching. Oh man this was a damn good roast beef sub. I could make bank just selling these.
Then it hit me, I could make bank with this ability. I could find things that are expensive here, buy it cheap on the net, and sell it for a real profit here. Then I visualized Jaba the Hut finding out and using me to make him even richer. Tomorrow I was getting the hell out of this country as fast as possible.
The next day I found that a wagon to the border was leaving at the transport center and I ran there for all I was worth. I was lucky to find there was one last seat available and paid them out of my dwindling savings. After a quick run to the local latrine and we were off. Let me tell you those things make port a potty look sterile. I got on the wagon and as I sat there in the silence of five people I wondered if this was what the whole journey was going to be like.
There were the two young guys in light armor and holding their scabbards, an older lady who looked at the floor, and a smiling man of about fifty with a huge pack between his legs. After an hour of nothing I looked at smiley and asked him what he did for a living. “Oh, I am a traveling merchant.” I looked at the pack and then at him. “So you have an item box or something?” His eyes rolled back in his head. “Don’t I wish. Only those poor heroes and the very rich have one of those.”
Shit. “Oh, I’ve heard of them so I didn’t know if it was common among traders.” He shook his head. “No, but a man can dream can’t he?” I nodded and then we began a back and forth about being a traveling merchant. It seems you have to join some guild to get a membership card. It was illegal to do business without one but it was also a handy device to have. It was like a debit card and any taxes or owed money could be paid through one. It seems the adventurer’s guild was the same way.
As an anti-theft perk when you got your card it was bound to you by magic. Even if someone stuck a knife in your face to make you give your balance it was tracked. If you died or you reported the theft the people who took it would be found through their cards. That is why merchants kept all or most of their money on their card.
Along the voyage I pumped him for all the knowledge I could about being a merchant. Two days later we arrived at the border and I found that all transportation was canceled by order of the crown. I headed to an eatery and listened to two men in light armor. It seemed the kingdom wasn’t allowing people to leave because of the impending conscription. They were hunters and were walking out of here and heading to the city of Haven.
The merchant had said that he often hired an adventuring party when traveling so I headed to the guild hall. I walked in and the eyes that locked onto me felt intimidating as hell. I made my way to the small counter with the cute lady behind it. I asked her about hiring a small party to escort me over the border to Caramen and she looked in her book. “Well a lot of merchants are currently hiring people so I would suggest a reward for safe travel of eight gold pieces for a good group.” Well that would hammer my current coinage, but then again a safe trip was worth it.
I handed her the coin and she smiled before calling out to a guy with some serious armor. “Will, I have a job for you.” He stood up and all I wondered if there was some strange genetics lab pumping people like this out. I am a good looking six foot guy, and I only came up to his collar bone. I was also thinking his chest had to be three times my own. Then I looked at his face and he looked really nice. As in the guy you want your sister to meet someday.
“So, what can I do for you?” He said in a tone so deep I thought it was some kind of sound effect. James Earl Jones would sound like Mickey mouse in comparison. “He’s heading to Caramen, weren’t you headed that way too?” He nodded and smiled. “Let me talk to everyone real quick.” He said and went back to a table with four others sitting there.
They listened to him, and then looked at me. It wasn’t encouraging. “If it helps I am good cook and can take care of food on the way.” Everyone gave him a small nod and he walked back over to me. “You have a deal. We will be at the southern gate in the morning, meet us there.” I nodded with a smile and left quickly to get what I was going to need.
Yes I could go online and get everything I needed, but I had to get an idea of what it should look like first. I went through a few dry goods stores, a few supply stores, and got a good idea that online was far cheaper than getting things here. I mean four small wood bowls for three silver? No way Jose. I went back to the inn and started doing some shopping for the trip.
One thing a shop owner tried to get me to buy was a magic stove for twenty gold. It looked like the portable gas cartridge stove like I had in my old dorm room. You know the one that would get you kicked out for having a fire hazard and ran off propane cartridges? Well I could probably get one now, use that, and pass it off as magical.
I found a cheap inn, and began to outfit myself for the great outdoors. Insoles for my used shoes, heavy socks, a cheap cooking set up of pots and pans, wood dining sets that had everything from cups to plates, a good kitchen knife set in one of those roll up mats, camping cutlery made of steel, some wood ones, and then food. I picked out bread, condiments, cold cuts, veggies, and lots of boxed soup mixes. I figured telling them I had a small item box was better than seeing my shipments fall out of nowhere.
The next morning I walked up to the group, they looked me up and down before we began our journey. “Larry you know me, let me introduce the rest of iron fang.” He pointed at each member of his party. “This is Varn our swordsman, Roxy our scout, Rein our mage, and Fara our healer.” I nodded to each of them and we started out on our journey.
A little after mid-day we stopped for lunch and I set up behind a rock and pulled out what we needed for sandwiches. I was putting the last one together when I heard Roxy say something smelled really good. I came out from my “cooking” area and set down a platter of sandwiches. They all looked at them carefully before grabbing one and taking a bite.
Fara looked at me and smiled. “Larry, this bread, I’ve never seen any so white and soft before.” I smiled at her. “Well I have some from my home town and I thought I would use it.” Will stopped chewing. “This is something special to you?” I waved it off. “Don’t worry, I wanted to share it with the people who are guarding my life.” They all bowed their heads for a moment and then kept eating.
Rein seemed to savor each bite a little more than the others. “I’ve had many preserved meats before but nothing quite like these.” Damn what is it with these people. I had to dip into what little I knew from eating in this world. “They are also specialties of my village. Honey cured orc, smoked bloody bull, and a sausage made of rockbird.” They all looked at me with huge eyes. “Those are all b ranked monsters.” Varn stated in shock. Roxy looked at the few bites left in her lunch. “I didn’t know these were such high class meats.”
“Yes they are, and I believe that all of you deserve the best I have for helping me get where I am going safely.” Will looked at everyone and then thanked me for my efforts. After that we all talked about where they had been and the things they had done. Rein had been a mage most of his life, he had worked for a kingdom I didn’t know, and before he retired he left his job and joined Iron Fang to see beyond the borders he had always protected.
Each of them had a story well worth listening to, but they didn’t ask me anything. I asked why this was and they all said a client’s life is his own business. “Well I have lived my life in a hidden valley village. Life had always been quiet but lately the war had intruded and many of us were sent out to see the world. I think I will try my hand at being a traveling trader as I was given a small item box.” They all made a sound of discovery. “We were wondering where you put all the things you were using. Even a small item box is a rare and often secret thing.” I nodded
After that we all began talking about where we were headed and what to expect along the way. There were a few times the fighters went into action, but I was made to keep to the rear with Fara. Then one day Roxy came running towards us waving and shouting. “I got a boar!” and once again I took to the rear while everyone took up a stance. Then a red, hairy mess the size of a sedan came flying out of the bushes.
The fighters took it down after about ten minutes and then everyone fell on the dead beast with a vengeance. After about two hours there was a large scraped hide, butchered meat, and assorted other parts of the beast. “We can take the horns, teeth, and hide with us for some good coin, but all that meat will just go to waste.” I lifted my hand. “I can see how much I can store. It will be a tight fit, but I may be able to take all of it.” They all thanked me and so I packed up the meat and the hide it was wrapped in.
That night I fell back on years of work and started cooking again. When I was going to college I worked in many of the restaurants around campus in an effort to avoid crippling debt. While everyone I knew were taking out the limit in loans and living it up, I was working my way through college so I could have a fun adult life after college.
I pulled out an amazing hunk of boar meat and took a long look at it. I heated up a frying pan, seared a thin slice till it was done, and gave it a taste. There was no gamey flavor, in fact it was somewhere between the best pork I have ever tasted and a good Herford beef steak. Now most people would say angus beef is the best commercial beef, but that is all hype. It’s actually the cheapest and toughest beef, but with good marketing and little exposure that is what everybody thought was great.
As a working student I worked for a sandwich shop where the big seller was a philly sub but the steak they used was all herford and the taste and tenderness was easy to tell apart. Their burgers were also on the next level as well. So looking at this ten pound slab had me wondering just what to do. I looked at the veggies and seasonings I had stocked up on and decided on a light salad topped with carne asada.
First I thinly sliced up about five pounds, then I cut that all into ribbons. Since I didn’t have time to marinade I used my favorite dry citrus and chili rub and let it sit while I prepped all the onions and peppers. Then I got busy. I took some of the fat I trimmed off and tossed it in the large wok I had brought with me for some oil. Then, in small handfuls I would toss in the meat, let it get about medium rare, and then pulled it out.
It took a while to cook all that meat, but once it was all done, I gave the onions and peppers a good fry till they had only a little wilt. I tossed the meat back in, did a few flips, and started filling bowls. I looked over at the party and got a little shocked at their appearance. I swear there was visible drool even from the women’s mouths.
“Alright everyone, come and get it.” I said and they left the fire side seating to grab a bowl of meat and vegetables. All their faces froze on the first bite as they seemed confused. “I’ve never tasted meat cooked like this.” “It’s so refreshing.” “Wow, there is a tingling in my mouth.” And more was proclaimed even with full mouths. I took a mouthful and actually a little disappointed, this was not my best work.
After dinner Fara actually came over to help me clean up after Roxy and Varn brought over a leather bucket of water. “You know Larry that the meal you made us would have cost almost as much as we are charging you for this trip.” I looked at her and she shrugged. “I went to a noble’s house for dinner once and tasted pepper for the first time. It has a very distinctive flavor and one that will always stick with me. Now I can say I have tasted it twice. Thank you for sharing such expensive ingredients with us.”
I began thinking that if something as cheap as pepper was so rare only nobles have it, how much could I make off a pound of peppercorns? As I began putting things into my item box Roxy came over with a big smile. “I want to tell you that I was reluctant to let you join us on this trip. It’s a long trip and I don’t like doing those with people we don’t know.” I nodded. “Well you guys are like a family and being stuck with a stranger like me isn’t easy. You can’t talk freely, or act the way you usually might. You also can’t travel like you might have since you have so much dead weight holding you back.”
I could see the tension leave her shoulders. “That is probably why the cost to have me with you is so high and why I am more than willing to add to the party what little I can. I want to be as little of a burden to all of you as I can be.” Roxy stuck her hand out and we shook. “I came over to apologize and here you stole my whole scene. I was wrong and I was going to let you know I am good with this. Now I feel like a bigger dunce but I’m even happier that you are with us.”
Everyone was pulling out bed rolls and trying to make a comfortable bed. I pulled out a self-inflating pad and sleeping bag. Rein came over, looked at them both and shook his head. “Only this could amaze me more than your cooking. A thick quilt sewn into a large bag so you stayed covered at night.” I pulled the strings on the top and he looked closer. “It’s a draw string that makes it tight around your neck or face to keep things from crawling in.” Well everyone came to look and they all nodded at the design. I even came up with the idea to use “amphibian skins” to keep the damp from being soaked up from the ground.
The next day we chatted a lot more and I had somehow been brought into this little family. The second day I had to take a privacy break, and while I was doing that I also made a few more purchases from the store. That afternoon we had subs again but this time I added cheese and a few other condiments. Everyone loved it all and I swear they had more energy after that than before it.
I was walking with the group as we started out and when I used analyze on them I saw that some of their stats were getting a short buff. This told me that food from the store wasn’t just food but could also give buffs to skills and abilities. I was going to have to look a lot closer at things from now on.
On the third day I had my first real surprise in this world. Ok I had a lot of those, but this is the first one I was happy about. We were getting ready to stop for the night when we saw a small fire ahead. As we got closer a single woman with white, almost silver hair was sitting there and she was keeping a sharp eye on us. The reason I was happy was the cute bunny ears rising from the top of her head.
Will looked at her closely and raised his hand. “Fear not, we are travelers and not locals. We will not hurt you or make demands of you.” Her eyes never stopped moving. “Will you allow us to camp with or near you?” He said in a gentle way that even had me agreeing. She took her hand off the ax at her hip and waved us over. As I got closer to her I noticed she seemed pale.
“If you are hungry we are glad to share our food with you.” The way she dithered, and the concern in Will’s eyes, told me she was probably starving. I smiled at the beauty and she looked at me. “Since I’m the cook which do you like more, meat or veggies?” She just blinked and in a melodic voice said either would be fine. As the others got to work on the camp I started off making up a pot of vegi soup for everyone. I also pulled out a few rolls to keep them happy while I was cooking up the main dish.
I started handing out large cups of soup and gave everyone a roll to go with it. As the girl sipped her soup slowly Will looked at me and smiled. You never give a person who has been starving anything heavy because they can’t digest it yet. Warm soup with soft veggies and some bread was the perfect way to start them out. Since I was going to be staying away from the spices I went with herbs. That meant the perfect dinner would be spaghetti.
That meant pulling out my spare stove top and getting some water boiling. While that was happening I minced up a few pounds of boar meat, carrots, and mushrooms. I browned them all together and then added in herbs and garlic. When that was done I added a few cartons of stewed tomatoes, a little red wine, and let it all simmer.
I got the noodles out and threw them in the salted water to get nice and cooked up. Once those were done and drained I sectioned them into bowls, ladled on the sauce, and called for help. Everyone got a bowl and simply looked at it while inhaling the smells. I showed everyone how to eat it, and mentioned to save the roll for last to get all the sauce that would be left.
The bunny girl was already looking better, and when she took her first bite the face she made hit me like a ton of bricks. Her ears, which I thought were floppy stood on end and her face was a total “O” face. I had an idea and reached for the glass bottle of cheese I had bought for this meal. I walked over and asked her if she liked cheese and she smiled. “Actually I love all kinds of cheese.” I shook a little in her hand and she sniffed and then licked it up before giving a little whimper. “So gooood.” She moaned out and I felt myself blush at the sound.
I shook it all over the meal and then offered it to each of the others. Well if they loved it before the addition of some grated Romano had them to the point they couldn’t even talk while eating. The only sound was the bunny girl moaning and whimpering her way through the meal.
As usual Fara came over to tell me how good dinner was, and to help me clean things up. I had made so much that I mixed in the left over noodles and put the whole pot into my item box. I asked her quietly why our guest was so fearful of us and she told me that the nation we were in was one of the human supremacy nations. They treated all demi-humans with hatred and violence.
“As you know I am from an isolated village so I didn’t even know there were demi-humans.” She nodded. “Well there are many of them. There are the beast folk, elves, dwarves, and the demonkin.” I nodded and looked at her. “When we heard that demons were invading we were all sent out into the world.” Fara snorted. “Demons invade? That is a load of manure. Demonkin are not an overly violent race like the humanists say they are. It’s more likely they are the ones being invaded and this is just a public face to explain the need to conscript people into their war for land.”
That means we were brought here to kill innocent people for those rich bastards desire for land. Those poor kids were being sent unknowingly into a meat grinder. All I could do now was hope they figured shit out before they had to pay for their ignorance with their lives.
After clean up I was thinking of those poor teens as I made up my bed. Will came over and sat next to me. “Larry, we were talking about allowing Lilly, the demi lady, to travel with us, but you are the only one we haven’t talked to.” I looked at him and shrugged. “It’s your party Will, that decision is up to you and the party. I’m just along for the ride.” I looked over and noticed her ears were at half mast.
“Well we didn’t know if that would be a problem with you.” I looked at her, and then him, and realized they didn’t know my feelings on demis. “If you’re asking my feeling because she is a demi then no worries there. Fara and I were talking and I was thinking of some of my friends who are being dragged into this war to die for some toad’s greed. If anything I wish we travel faster so we could get her somewhere safe. My heart broke to see her so close to starvation and couldn’t understand why she feared us.”
I sighed. “You know I am from an isolated village so I never even knew there were demi humans. When I first saw her I was surprised to see my first demi-human. Then I saw her condition and decided I had to make the best meal I could that would also restore her health.” He chuckled. “I noticed your soup was the perfect choice for someone in her condition. Your usual meals are a bit sturdier.”
“Will, since you are more traveled than I am, do you know if her people, as in rabbit people, prefer more of a vegetable diet? I don’t want to offend her by suggesting she is like horned rabbits, but I also want to make sure my meals will fit her taste.” Will’s smile grew. “Well rabbit folk are good hunters so I don’t think it would be a consideration on that point, but you could ask her as we travel to get her personal tastes.” I nodded and we all bedded down. I did notice that her ears were at full mast before we went to bed.
The next morning I got up and felt so good that I immediately began working on a special breakfast. I got out bread and eggs and began making French toast. I made a bowl of cinnamon sugar and pulled out a block of butter. I filled a large platter with stacks of French toast covered in melted butter and cinnamon. I noticed everyone was keeping back but their hunger seemed to only grow. I looked over and called out “Get it while it’s hot.” And their plates appeared quickly.
When we were done they went through two loaves of bread quickly and the sounds of joy filled the air. As I began cleaning up so we could leave, the bunny girl came over to help. “Thank you for your wonderful meals sir.” I gave a low chuckle. “You are more than welcome, and please just call me Larry.” She actually blushed and smiled at me. “My name is Lilly.” She said quietly.