Confessions
Copyright© 2000 by Henrik Larsen
Chapter 5
Coming of Age Sex Story: Chapter 5 - Raised together in a wealthy but emotionally distant household, Dan and his cousin Annie share a bond neither expects to change. As adolescence brings new feelings and difficult choices, secrecy, family expectations, and personal tragedy threaten everything they know. Can honesty and forgiveness help them find a way forward?
Caution: This Coming of Age Sex Story contains strong sexual content, including mt/ft Teenagers Consensual Romantic Fiction School Tear Jerker Incest Cousins Anal Sex First Masturbation Oral Sex Petting Pregnancy Slow
The next couple of days were difficult, but in a way they were good too. A lot of things happened, a lot of new things. We all changed and I guess we learned a lot too; about ourselves and each other.
Mom and Dad were there. Not that they hadn’t always been there, even though it might have sounded like they weren’t. They had been there, but for the first time they tried to involve themselves in Annie’s feelings and mine.
Mom was at least partially right, when she said she had been too good at hiding her feelings. But both Mom and Dad tried now. They tried to understand what had happened and why. So did I.
Sunday was a strange day. Of course, we were all terribly worried about Annie and her state of mind. We tried our best to treat her with all the love we could master. In that respect, we did really well. But it was still a very tense atmosphere. I didn’t know how to approach the whole situation; the suicide and Annie’s mental state. I don’t think Mom and Dad knew what to do either. It was all terribly awkward at times.
On Monday, the bubble burst. In the middle of lunch, Annie suddenly stopped Mom in the middle of the very neutral conversation we’d had all day.
‘Please stop,’ Annie said, sounding tired. ‘I can’t take this beating around the bush. I tried to commit suicide and I don’t want you to act like it never happened. I need to talk about it and I think you do too.’
‘I’m sorry, Annie,’ Mom answered, ‘but I think you are the one that has to start the conversation. I think we all are on thin ice here and terribly scared of hurting you again. Don’t misunderstand me, I’m not afraid of talking about it, I just don’t know what to say.’
‘I ... I guess you’re right. I just don’t know how to begin either. I mean, you’re the adults ... you ... I want to talk about it ... I want to explain, but ... I don’t want ... I don’t want you all to be ... sad or feel guilty. I’ve ... thought a lot about it and ... there were a lot of different things getting me down ... but ... I guess most of it was myself ... overreacting.’
‘Annie,’ Dad said and reached over the table to take Annie’s hand. ‘Maybe you overreacted, maybe you should have said something, but you’re alive, and the important thing here is to make sure you don’t get there again. That doesn’t mean we don’t want to talk about what made you feel that way. But don’t start feeling guilty about what happened. You’ve had a hard time, and we haven’t been the best help for you. But it’s not because we don’t want to help you. You have always seemed to be able to cope with your life, and I guess it was too easy for us to assume that everything was fine as long as you didn’t say anything. It was our fault. I wish I could do it all over again and do it right. But it’s no good now, and it serves no purpose to blame myself for what happened, either. We all had our part in it, and we will all help you back on your feet.’
Annie’s eyes filled with tears.
‘I know I should have said something,’ she whispered, ‘but ... I don’t know ... I’m so confused. I just don’t want to go on like ... like being some kind of freak ... a mental case ... I want to talk about it and ... I do want to get beyond it. I want... ‘
Annie gave up trying to explain. Mom took over. Her voice was thick.
‘You’re not a freak, Annie, and we can talk about it as much as you want. I think ... it’s difficult in the beginning, but we’ll all learn.’
I wanted to say something too; I just didn’t know what to say. Instead, I took Annie’s hand, the one Dad wasn’t holding, and squeezed it lightly. Annie let go of Dad’s hand and got up. I was about to get up too, thinking Annie wanted to go up to her room. She stopped me and sat down on my lap, burying her face in my neck. I put my arms around her shaking body and she cried; really crying. I suddenly felt so strong. I held her, whispering comforting words in her ear. Just like Mom used to do when I was little and I had fallen and hurt my knee.
I’d never seen Dad cry, but I’m sure he wiped a tear off his cheek when I looked over at him. I couldn’t see Mom, but her eyes were red when Annie finally calmed and lifted her face from my shoulder.
“I’m sorry,” Annie said.
“Don’t be,” I answered, soothing. “It helps to cry, right, Mom?”
“It does,” Mom said, smiling, almost starting to cry again.
It did. Not so much to cry, but it helped to talk, to get it out in the open. We talked, and there were lots to talk about. Gradually, we all began to come to terms with Annie’s suicide attempt, but there were other problems that needed to be tackled.
Annie was tired for some time after the suicide attempt. She had lost a lot of blood, and it took some time to regenerate it. If she got up too quickly, she would get dizzy, and she couldn’t take much physical strain. The first week, she stayed at home, but she didn’t want to miss too much school, and by the second week, she felt she had to go to school.
Physically, she wasn’t really up to it, but Annie insisted. She wanted to go to school. We discussed it—Mom, Dad, Annie, and me. Annie and I weren’t in the same class, so I couldn’t be there all the time to help her. If she wanted to go to school so soon, she would have to explain her condition to her classmates and the teachers. Dad tried to come up with a suitable excuse, but Annie had already thought about it.
‘No, I’m going to tell it like it is,’ she said. ‘I might be able to explain why I’m so tired and all, but it will be bloody hard to explain the bandages on my wrists. I might as well get it out in the open. It worked pretty well here, didn’t it?’ She added with a grin.
‘Do you think that’s a good idea?’ Mom asked, a little worried.
I don’t know what worried Mom most, Annie’s reputation or her mental state.
‘Yes, I think it’s better than trying to hide it. Somebody is bound to guess it anyway, and then the gossip will start.’ Annie said.
‘You’re right, but don’t expect it to be easy. A lot of your friends and classmates will probably find it very difficult and embarrassing,’ Dad said.
Annie hesitated.
‘I know, but ... it’s still better than hearing the whispering in the corners and the odd looks. I’ll face it; I have to,’ she said, determined.
Annie was tense when Dad drove us to school Monday morning. He and Annie had spoken with her teacher on Sunday. Dad asked if Annie wanted to wait. Annie had always been stubborn, and this was no exception. She was nervous, but she was determined to go through with it. I offered to be with her and be there while she told them, but she declined. Maybe it was more for my own sake than hers. I don’t really know what I could have done.
Annie looked much more relaxed when I saw her again after the first class.
‘How did it go? How did they take it?’ I wanted to know.
‘It was ... a little difficult, but I did it, and everybody was so sweet. I mean, when I’d explain what had happened and all, I told them what Dad had said. You know, that I knew that they might feel uncomfortable about it, and they didn’t have to, you know, be afraid to talk about it, but it would be ok if they didn’t, too,’ she said and hesitated a little. ‘And they kind of ... you know, they all hugged me, and I began to cry. It was ... good. I mean, I know it’s not over yet, but right now, it feels like I’ve done the right thing. I’m sure I have.’
We embraced and kissed deeply. I didn’t think about it until later, but it was the first time we’d done that in public. It was a relief not to have to tell a lot of lies about what had happened to Annie. However, even though it went well the first day, there were a few incidents later. One of them was concerning Anton.
He was a senior and I didn’t really know him, but one of the guys on my gym team did. He told me Anton had been really upset when he found out about Annie’s suicide attempt. He didn’t know how to handle it. Maybe he felt guilty. At first, he avoided Annie. Perhaps she should have taken the initiative and talked to him, but they never got around to talking. After a while, Anton began to act really shitty, telling everybody that Annie had tried to kill herself because he had broken up with her. He acted as if he was proud of it. I think that was the one incident that hurt Annie the most.
I had one problem of my own. Considering what Annie had done, I felt really bad about having to tell Camilla that it only had been a little flirt. I mean, I knew she was fond of me and we had been a little intimate at the party, even though we weren’t going steady or anything like that.
I hadn’t had time to think about it over the weekend, so I faced the problem Monday morning, completely unprepared. I was blushing and stuttering when suddenly, I was face to face with Camilla. I did manage to tell her that we couldn’t see each other but we still could be friends, but it was so embarrassing and felt like it took ages. She didn’t get mad or upset, thank God, but we didn’t talk very much afterwards.
It was as if Annie’s mental restitution was over faster than the physical. It probably really wasn’t like that; even though her spirits were considerably lifted once she was back in school and the first week had passed.
Regenerating the lost blood took time. She had to take it easy for several weeks. No gymnastics, no physical training, and lots of sleep. That also meant no sex. The doctor told her it would take three months before she was back to normal. Since she was in good shape, she could slowly start gymnastics training after six weeks, if she felt up to it. Annie had kind of assumed that it was the same when it came to sex. She hadn’t dared ask.
Funny, but it didn’t matter all that much the first couple of weeks. We would sleep together in her bed or mine, trying not to push each other out of the narrow beds. We could have moved one of the beds, putting them together in one room, but somehow we didn’t want to do that. Mom and Dad still had to get used to us as a couple, not siblings, and even though they never said anything, I think it affected us. I mean, they knew we had had sex, at least Mom did, but it was never mentioned.
After 5 weeks, our lust began to grow. The closeness was good, and we enjoyed lying naked together, but it was a long time, and as Annie felt better and better, she also began to feel the need to do more than just lie together. I had felt the urge a lot earlier than that, but I didn’t try to push it. I mean, the first night I was lying naked next to Annie, my dick reacted immediately, even though I hadn’t as much as considered doing anything. I had explained to her that it was kind of a reflex reaction, and she was kind of flattered that she had that effect on me.
We began to talk about the “deadline,” the day we could have sex again. We planned it a week ahead. Annie was already feeling up to it, but she didn’t dare start before the six weeks had passed.
“Saturday,” Annie said, lying with her back to me like spoons, my erect dick nestling between her buttocks.
“Do you think you can wait?” I teased her, having detected a hint of arousal in her voice.
“I have to. But next time I try to commit suicide, I’ll use pills or something. Then I won’t have to wait so long afterwards,” she joked.
‘Don’t even consider it! I’ll kill you if you try again!’ I replied in the same tone.
Annie took a deep breath.
‘It’s just six more days,’ she said, with more than a hint of excitement in her voice.
‘Yeah, six days!’ I repeated, my dick twitching involuntarily between her buttocks.
We lay in silence for a while.
‘Dan?’ Annie asked.
‘Uh-huh,’ I mumbled, sleepy.
‘It will be…like something special…kind of the first time, officially. You know, as a real couple,’ she said.
‘Uh-huh,’ I mumbled again.
‘I…want it to be special... I want it to be something to remember,’ Annie said and turned to face me.
‘What do you mean?’ I asked and opened my eyes.
‘I…wanted to ask you... I mean, if you don’t want to, it’s ok …if you don’t think it’s…proper,’ Annie said.
‘You know I will do anything you ask,’ I said, reassuringly.
‘I know, I mean... I only want to do it if you want to too,’ she said, flustered.
‘What is it?’ I asked, very awake.
‘I…would like to try…you know…what we’d... I was fantasising about... I mean,’ Annie was, for once, timid, but finally she came around to it. ‘I want to try to take you…from behind…you know…in the bum.’
‘Are you sure?’ I asked, surprised, having discarded any thoughts of that a long time ago, thinking Annie didn’t want to do it.
‘Yes, but…you have to…help me prepare and... I mean, I’ll wash very carefully and all, but... I don’t know if... Jane says it isn’t dirty, but…do you think it’s disgusting?’ Annie asked.
‘No,’ I said, ‘I’ve been…fantasising about it sometimes…after we talked about it.’
‘It will be a little like…like losing my virginity,’ Annie said, more composed now. ‘I want…to lose it with you. I mean, you were my first and the only one, but I…had broken the seal myself.’
‘How?’ I asked. I had assumed it had broken during gymnastics or something like that.
‘I got a little carried away one day and I did it with my fingers.’
It was funny, but she seemed much more at ease talking about masturbating than asking if I wanted to make love to her from behind. In a way, I found that a little strange. And, at that instant, I was more interested in the latter.
“Do you really want to do it?” I asked again.
“Yes, if you want to. I … you have to be gentle and help me prepare for it. I talked to Jane … after we … you know, and she said that I … you would have to … use a finger first and then … two to … help me get used to … having something in me.”
“I’ll do anything you ask me. I don’t want to hurt you,” I said reassuringly.
“I know you don’t. Jane said that if I was well prepared and relaxed, it wouldn’t hurt at all; it would feel so good,” Annie said, sounding quite enthusiastic.
“I’m ready,” I said.
“So am I,” Annie sighed, “but we have to wait until Saturday. The doctor said six weeks. We better go to sleep now.”
“I think that is easier said than done,” I moaned.
“You want me to go into my own bed?” Annie asked, probably joking.
“No way,” I said and pulled her closer to me.
We did fall asleep, of course. But the next six days were really hard to get through. We talked about it every night. I had to masturbate every day, sometimes twice. I don’t know how Annie kept herself from exploding. On Saturday, I don’t think my dick was soft for more than an hour, max.
By a stroke of luck, my parents were going out that Saturday. They were going to leave at six o’clock and, as soon as they were out the door, I was ready.
“I need to wash first,” Annie said and wriggled herself out of my arms after the first kiss.
“Okay,” I said, very aroused. “I’ll be waiting.”
I had already showered. I took off my clothes and proceeded to arrange the mattresses on the floor and take the lid off the Vaseline. I felt like she was showering for hours, but finally she came out from the bathroom. She blushed all the way down to her breasts when she saw me.
“I’m very clean now,” she said, blushing a very deep red colour.
‘You are so beautiful!’ It blurted out of me, but I really meant it. She was so beautiful.
‘I love you so much,’ I added.
‘I love you too,’ Annie said and nestled close to me.
We kissed and I guided her down on the mattresses. In spite of our (at least mine) urge to get on with it, we took time to just feel each other, kissing and letting our hands explore. We rediscovered each other. The past six weeks, we had touched each other, but we had subconsciously avoided exciting each other. I don’t think Annie had touched my dick with her hands once and I hadn’t touched her breasts or pussy with my hands. Now, we could do it. Annie was very wet when my fingers reached her pussy.
‘I think you forgot to use the towel down here,’ I said, more outspoken than I usually was.
‘I’m so hot,’ she gasped.
‘I think I can do something about that,’ I said, kissing her tits and moving down.
‘No ... I don’t want to come before you’re in me,’ she said. ‘Let’s ... start... ‘
‘To prepare your bum?’ I finished for her.
‘Yes.’
‘Are you sure? You sound a little ... insecure about it,’ I asked.
‘Yes. I’m just ... It’s kind of ... kinky and ... I know it’s silly but ... It feels like we are about to do something ... forbidden.’