Chapter 2

Nothing happened the next couple of days. I mean, nothing extraordinary. Annie came in to talk after her shower, but nothing more. Not until the third day.

We had gone to bed and were talking as usual. Somehow, we began to talk about Simone. How nice she had been to us and how much fun we’d had. Annie mentioned the confessions and how we had played “confession”.

‘Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned?’ Annie said, playfully.

‘Confess your sins, my child, and thou shalt be forgiven,’ I replied, equally playfully, with no intention of playing the game again.

‘I have had naughty thoughts,’ Annie said, just as Simone did it.

I suddenly didn’t know what to say, but Annie didn’t wait for me to answer.

‘I dream about a man touching me. I dream about him touching me in places only a husband should touch.’ She said.

Her voice sounded different, her breathing faster. I felt myself tense and a part of me badly wanted her to go on, another to stop. The part that wanted her to go on won.

‘How does he touch you, my child?’ I asked, just as I did back then. But the words suddenly meant something. It wasn’t just words we had heard any longer, and didn’t know the meaning of.

‘I am naked and he puts his hands on my stomach. Slowly he moves them up to my tits,’ Annie answered. ‘His fingers brush over my nipples and it feels so good. My nipples become hard from his touch. I want him to pinch them, to play with them.’

I heard myself say: ‘That is very sinful.’

‘But there is more, Father. When I get these thoughts, I have to touch myself. I pinch my nipples, imagining that it is him and that makes me feel so hot. My hands are drawn towards my crotch. I can’t help it, Father.’

Annie was breathing very heavily now. I think I was too. I was in the same kind of trance I had been in, three days earlier, when I had accidentally touched her crotch.

‘It is the devil, my child. He makes you do it.’ I heard myself say.

Even though it was a ritual, a repeat of words we had once heard, it was extremely arousing. I knew what Annie was going to say next and yet I was trembling with excitement and anticipation.

‘I know it’s the devil, Father, but I can’t resist. My fingers part my lips and I have to touch myself in that special place. It feels so good, Father. I imagine that it is him, touching me. I become so hot, Father, and I can’t help myself. I have to go on and touch myself until I get relief.’

‘How much do you have to touch yourself to get relief, my child?’ I hissed, short of breath.

‘I pinch my ... nipples and rub my little pearl. Sometimes, my fingers slip into, you know ... and in my fantasy, we are united as man ... and ... wife.’

Annie sounded awfully short of breath too, and there was a long pause. All that could be heard was our breathing. I hoped she would go on, even though I would have given her absolution at this point. But I was hardly able to speak. I just lay there, listening to Annie’s breathing. It was very fast and slightly ragged. Then it stopped. A few seconds later, she began breathing again, gasping for air. Slowly, her breath returned to a deep and relaxed rhythm. I assumed she had fallen asleep. Lately, I’d had a bit of trouble falling asleep myself, battling the images of Annie in my mind, and she often held her breath, then gasped and breathed normally again. It was probably some recurring dream she had.

We didn’t talk about the confession game in the morning. I felt rather embarrassed about it and preferred to forget it. No; part of me preferred to forget it, but a nasty little voice inside my head wanted to repeat it. And that voice was feeding my feeling of guilt, my feeling of doing something wrong.

To feed my fantasies and attempt to eliminate the image of Annie’s nude body from my mind, I concentrated on one of the girls in my class, Catrine. She was a petite girl with a very innocent appearance. Always quiet, always smiling. She usually wore very tight shirts and jeans. Her breasts weren’t as big as Annie’s, but she looked very cute and very sexy in a gentle kind of way.

Over the next couple of days, I had some success. She gradually took over Annie’s place in my fantasies, and it made me feel a lot better. Whenever I was close to Catrine, I felt a surge in my stomach. We began talking a little, Catrine and I. I loved standing close to her and inhaling the wonderful aroma of her perfume. The best thing was that I felt she was watching me too, like I was watching her—secretly.

I was still a bit nerdy, but because of the gymnastic training, I had a nice, muscular body. I wasn’t muscular in the bodybuilder way that Mark was, and I didn’t have his smart looks either, but I wasn’t at all bad-looking.

I began to figure out ways to be with Catrine alone. It was difficult because she lived far from me. My initial plan was to invite her to the cinema one evening. We could meet downtown, see a film, and then go home. It would be equal distance for both of us. The only problem was to work up the courage to ask her. I couldn’t ask her while others were around; I didn’t dare to. I did have her phone number, but whenever I had gathered enough courage to call her, somebody else was using the phone or sitting in the room where the phone was.

It took three long weeks before my courage and discreet access to the phone coincided. My heart was beating like a scared rabbit as I dialled the number. I just prayed that it would be Catrine who answered the phone.

My prayers were heard.

‘Hello.’

‘Eh, hello. Catrine?’

‘Yes.’

‘Eh, it’s Dan. I wondered if you wanted to go see a film tomorrow?’ I said, determined to get it over with as fast as possible.

‘Who’s coming?’ Catrine asked.

‘Eh … I was thinking … just you and me,’ I said and held my breath.

There was a short pause, but it felt like an eternity.

‘No, I don’t think so. I’m going out with my boyfriend. But thanks anyway.’

My heart sank, and a big knot formed in my stomach.

‘OK,’ I said, trying not to sound too disappointed. ‘Maybe some other time. See you tomorrow.’

‘See you. Bye,’ Catrine answered and hung up.

I was devastated and felt utterly humiliated. I had finally worked up enough courage to call her, and then she already had a boyfriend. I wasn’t really sad; I was scared that she would tell somebody and I would become the laughingstock of the whole school. The rest of the day and the next morning were a nightmare, anxiously awaiting the inevitable confrontation, meeting Catrine in class.

Nothing happened. Catrine acted exactly as she had done before. No giggling girls in small groups, pointing at me and whispering. No funny remarks, nothing. The knot in my stomach, which had been growing to the size of a basketball during the evening and morning, slowly disappeared, and by lunchtime, I could only feel a little sting when I recalled the phone conversation.

During the past three weeks, I had spent a considerable amount of my time in the living room, waiting for the right time to call Catrine, during the past three weeks. That also meant that I hadn’t been in my room when Annie returned from her daily shower, and that had helped keep her off my mind. Now that I no longer needed to be by the phone, I returned to my room. Catrine sort of drifted out of my fantasies. The first time Annie returned from the shower, she sat down on my bed with her legs pulled up under herself and spread a little, giving me a clear view of her crotch. Annie was back in my fantasies.

Soon it was February, and we were now sixteen—both of us. I had recovered from Catrine’s rejection, but not enough that I felt like trying my luck with another girl. One night, in the beginning of February, Annie and I were talking in our beds as usual. We talked about everything and nothing, mostly nothing. I was getting kind of drowsy when Annie suddenly asked a question, which made me wake up very quickly.

“Do you want to play Confession again?” she asked.

Before I had time to think, I had already answered: “Yes.”

Annie didn’t hesitate either.

“Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.”

‘Confess your sins, my child, and thou shalt be forgiven,’ I answered, feeling the excitement build rapidly.

‘I have sinful dreams, Father. I dream of a boy coming to me, naked. I’m naked too, and I open myself for him. He sits down on my bed, and his hands touch my skin so lightly. I take his hands and press them against my tits, but he wants to be in control. He takes my hands and holds them tight over my head. I’m helpless and have to let him have his way. He kisses me deeply. His lips leave mine, and he plants small kisses down my neck and chest.’

Annie paused, waiting for me to say something. Her confession took my breath away. It wasn’t one of Simone’s confessions; it was something she made up herself.

‘Go on,’ I said, a little out of line.

‘He’s strong, but gentle. His lips close around my nipples, and I feel the heat spread from my chest. I can feel his tongue caressing my nipple. He is driving me insane with his light caresses. He holds my hands with one hand, and I can feel his other hand on my thigh. I try to resist him, Father, but he is so strong, and he gently forces my thighs apart and slides his hand up, closer and closer to my pussy. Just when I can feel his hands touching me in my most private place, I wake up. It is my own fingers, Father, and I can’t stop touching myself as I dreamed he would.’

Annie paused again, and it took a moment for me to regain my composure and my ability to speak.

‘It ... ahem ... is very sinful, my child,’ I coughed with a hoarse voice.

My brain worked at high speed, trying to find something to say, but I couldn’t make my brain function. It was clouded with the image of Annie’s outstretched body with her hands between her legs.

‘Eh ... I think you should say three Ave Marias and then take a cold shower to cool the heat inside you,’ I finally said.

‘Do you think it will help, Father? The cold shower?’ Annie said, sounding really innocent.

‘I do.’

‘I ... hope … so, Father ... I’m so terribly hot,’ Annie gasped.

We were both quiet. I was extremely hot too. I badly wanted to go to the bathroom and relieve the pressure, but I was afraid it would be too obvious. I could hear Annie shuffling in her bed, probably turning around. Then she held her breath for some time. A strange, muffled noise escaped her, hardly noticeable. She began breathing again, slowly returning to normal. I assumed she was sleeping, until she spoke.

‘Are you asleep?’ she asked.

‘No.’

‘Well, good night then. Sleep tight.’

‘Good night.’

It took a while before I fell asleep. Annie’s “confession” had excited me beyond anything, but it also had me puzzled. She knew a lot more about it than I had thought. The more I thought about it, the more it became obvious that she knew a lot more about it than I did. I had no idea about how to touch a girl to make her feel good; or how a girl would touch me, for that matter.