Chapter 11: Montgomery and Back

We didn’t get very far. We continued on west on 5th Ave S until we saw signs for I-65 and got on it southbound. Probably no more than five minutes after we had gotten up to speed, though, we could both hear my stomach grumbling about getting forgotten. Well, yeah, it was 11, and I had breakfast at my usual time between 6:30 and 7. It was time!

Nell asked me what I wanted for lunch, and I decided that I’d been selfish enough. I mean, this whole trip was all ‘me, me, me!’, right? So, I told her that I wasn’t going to say, we would eat wherever she decided. Just, if she decided on some vegetarian salad bar place, well, we’d hear my stomach all afternoon.

There are lots of restaurants in Birmingham, but once you leave the metro area the interstate is pretty desolate. Jack’s? No. McDonald’s? HELL no. Domino’s? Keep driving. We got all the way to Alabaster before Nell decided that the Cracker Barrel they had would do us fine. I agreed. There was one in Attalla right off I-59 and we went there sometimes.

Okay, I ate too much, but they don’t charge a lot and it’s good. We got back on the road and drove on down to Montgomery. My map program didn’t have any trouble leading us to the right building. It turned out to be a State Patrol station next to the State Capitol building. Well, a station inside a huge six- or seven-story monstrosity labeled “Folsom Administration Building”.

The Patrolman who helped me turned out to be pretty easy to get along with, once he knew who I was. I just pointed out that he probably knew more about what I was doing than I did. I had abilities, but no skills, education, training, or experience. Okay, I have experience now. Because, I’d gotten thrown in doing his job the day after I was hired. If he’d heard about the incident up in Birmingham last Wednesday evening where some idiot had to deal with someone trying to start a riot because the ALPRA couldn’t get State Patrol assistance, well, that was me.

And, after all the smoke had cleared, the only real ‘crime’ I’d gotten accused of was working as a state employee without wearing my state employee ID badge. Which didn’t even exist yet, since I hadn’t come down to get it made. So, I had to take off from school today to come see the nice people in this office and get my ID badge before I went and handled the next riot.

For him, I had to produce my driver’s license and my employment letter that had my assigned employee ID number. That, and proving I was a Weapon by pulling my mace and shield out and then storing them again convinced him -and his supervisor- that I was who I said I was, and I may not be properly trained for my job description but I could probably do it.

“Um, I know this may sound silly, but can you tell me what your records say my job description is?”

“Well, it has three parts. The first two are labeled ‘Initial Duties When Hired’ and say ‘1) Serve as liaison between ALPRA and the ‘New Class’ of Portal Weapons selected on August 1st’ of this year, and 2) Enter selected Portals as assigned and clear them.’ The third one is labeled ‘Assigned December 1st’ and says ‘Perform physical security duties during ALPRA events, protecting life and property as appropriate.’”

The supervisor said “That third one is the one that’s giving us heartburn. You may know that ALPRA and the State Patrol are involved in a turf war. Us little people don’t have any say in it, of course, but ALPRA has been providing its own security since it was formed last year, and that is the wording that we use to authorize our patrol personnel when they are working security at a state fair or something. Our people get a lot of training before we issue them a firearm and send them out to keep trouble down.”

“I can certainly see that. I don’t have any law enforcement training whatsoever except my kindergarten teacher saying ‘We should always listen to the police and do what they say.’ But, I’ve got the job until we can get you guys doing it like it should be.”

“Have you heard anything about that?”

“Guys, I’m trying to find out what YOU know!”

We all laughed at that. “Um, I don’t know what-all you have access to, but I think I can demonstrate MY need to know. We’re having another event on Sunday, in two days, at the same place and it’ll be a lot bigger. Do you have any way to tell if your people have been assigned to help us with security? The correct answers are ‘yes you can tell’ and ‘yes we have people assigned’ because otherwise I’m doing it again.”

The supervisor replied “Let me make some calls. Bob, you get him his badge. I’ll be right back.”

It took more than a few minutes, but not too long after I had my shiny new badge the supervisor came back out shaking his head. “I was able to establish that ALPRA made a formal request for a Patrol presence at your event. It has not yet been approved by ALEA, our parent organization the Alabama Law Enforcement Agency. Judging from the past, it will not get approved until some time next week, well after the event itself.”

“YOYO.”

“Huh?”

“YOYO. It’s an acronym for ‘You’re On Your Own’.”

“Yeah. I think I’ll be watching the news and listening to the radio on Sunday.”

“Mmmm. If we make the news I’ll be sure to wave and say ‘hi’ to all my friends in the Alabama State Patrol who were told to not help.”

“Oh, that’ll get some people across the street riled up.”