The Worst Healer
Copyright© 2026 by InSpite
Party Crashing
The sun burned my eyes.
My lips were dry and my head pounded. I guessed I’d forgotten to close the curtains.
After a moment of suffering, I remembered enough to pull my left hand free of the blankets and cast Minor Restoration, sighing as the discomfort faded.
My eyes slowly closed, nestling into the warmth and comfort as I almost drifted off to sleep again.
But I was a little too warm, I blearily realised. Especially down my right side, across my chest and over my lower body.
“Me too please,” a soft, tired voice said from the warm spot on my chest. I looked down to see a mass of black hair barely sticking out from above the blankets.
Placing my hand on top of the black tangle, I quickly cast Minor Restoration again and felt the small warm mass pressing against me relax and give a slight wriggle for just a moment before it tensed up again and stopped moving.
“Carrie?” Ellie said uncertainly, “Is ... your hand on my ass?”
At the mention of my hand, my fingers reflexively tightened their grip on something warm and smooth.
My eyes flew open as I realised what I’d just done, but a growing awareness of my situation brought another problem to my attention. “Ellie, is your hand...” I wasn’t quite sure how to phrase the last part of that question.
“My hand...” She gave the same reflexive squeeze I’d done a second before. “Did you bring a candle to bed? It’s a really bi ... oh.” she let out a soft laugh, releasing me, “Spirits, Carrie, why did you buy that hammer, you could beat monsters to death with this.”
She tilted her head to look up at me, her deep purple eyes fixing onto mine, as the corners of her mouth twitched up in a sly smile. “Whose bed are we in, and why are we both naked?” she asked softly.
“We’re in mine,” I offered, trying to piece together the night before, “I sleep naked ... I think you came in so I could take away your hangover.”
“And you did,” she purred. “Hope that’s OK. Mind if I get a little more sleep?”
“Yeah,” I didn’t mind her being here, but I knew I wasn’t going to get back to sleep with her in my bed. I was far too awake now, “Not a problem. I need to get up and go for a run though.”
As I was about to move, a question occurred to me, one I needed an answer to, “Ellie, did we...” I wasn’t sure how to phrase the rest of the question.
“Oh no,” she reassured me, “It’s a bit fuzzy, but I’d know if I’d been messing with that thing.”
“It’s not that big,” I muttered as I detangled myself from the Witch as gently as I could. I’d been in enough gym locker rooms to know I might be above average, but I was no monster.
Ellie gave a quick smile and then rolled over, cocooning in the blankets, “Boys always tell girls they’re the prettiest they’ve ever seen. Girls always tell boys they have the biggest dick they’ve ever seen.”
“I don’t make the rules,” she added sleepily. “Can you close the curtains before you go?”
By the time I got back from my morning run, Rhian and Sierra were eating breakfast.
I came in just as Ellie was coming down the stairs, and we both stopped and looked at each other for a moment.
It was a brief pause, but enough for Sierra to pick up on it.
“Alright, what’s going on?” she asked, with the tone of an exhausted parent, “Ellie, you’ve got that look ... like you set something important on fire.”
Before either of us could respond, Rhian signed. “They slept in the same bed. They didn’t have sex though.”
“And I’m the one who gets called a Witch?” Ellie protested as she sat down at the table. “I think I wanted Carrie to cure my hangover first thing.”
“Well, I guess it worked,” Sierra said, chewing thoughtfully, “Haven’t seen you up this early in months.”
“We’re into work mode now, so no more drinking.” She declared, “We drill, pack for a long trip out of town and get ourselves ready for the next two days while Rhian pins down our targets’ patterns. Then we wait for our opening.”
“Carrie,” she focused her attention on me, “We drill harder today, then I’d like you to cast Minor Cure four times and then go for another run.”
“Four times?” I asked dubiously. “I’m not sure if I can manage that, there’s a chance I’ll drop on the fourth one.”
She nodded quickly as if expecting that response, “That’s why you’re doing it. You need to know exactly where your limits are. The only way to do that is to hit them.” In a more reassuring tone she added, “I’ll come with you for the healing and the run in case you pass out.”
Her reassurance missed its mark, though I took a little comfort from the fact she was probably still an easier trainer than Harry.
“Oh, yeah,” she added thoughtfully, “you should start wearing your armour for your runs too.”
Harry was a saint compared to this crazy woman.
I put my all into the training.
I blacked out the first day after my fourth Minor Cure, with Sierra managing to drag me home.
On the second day, I managed to stagger halfway back to the Clanhouse before my legs collapsed underneath me.
I made up for those failures with the fighting drills. My technique was improving, and I outmatched Sierra for power and reach.
Even she begrudgingly admitted that I’d made progress after I managed to score a few touches on her in a sparring session for the first time, though she was holding back on her Skills.
After two days of intense training, the third day felt awkward as we waited, in full combat gear, for Rhian to return with a message that the targets were in place. The tension grew as the day wore on, until eventually Rhian returned in the early hours with a shake of her head.
The same thing happened on the fourth day, with Ellie and Sierra starting to snap at each other as things nearly boiled over.
Then, approaching midnight on the fifth day, Rhian returned, quickly signing, “Let’s go.”
My stomach dropped and my adrenaline started pumping. I was going out to fight and possibly, no, probably, kill people.
I’d had some image of us charging out the door, but instead we walked at a brisk pace through the town, keeping as low a profile as we could.
As we approached a small compound in the Middle Quarter, Rhian stiffened and clicked her fingers once to gain our attention before signing, “Ironslag was in place when I left to check on Silvertongue. She was alone then, she isn’t now.”
Sierra gestured us all close. “What are you going on, Rhian? Tracks, sounds or do you smell something?”
“Smell,” Rhian signed quickly, her nose wrinkling slightly, “Sounds too. She’s having sex, or ... just finished having sex...”
“You’ve tracked most of Nightshade’s big guns before,” Sierra pointed out, throwing glances at the compound, “is the smell familiar?”
Rhian shook her head quickly.
“Then, we go in,” Sierra nodded decisively, “If she’s fucking some random, then we’ve got a good chance of catching her by surprise.”
“This is the appetiser, not the main course, so try to only use Skills that don’t have a daily limit.”
“Spread out and move quickly,” she ordered sharply, already moving herself. “I’ll breach the door. Don’t kill her guest unless they cause trouble. And Ellie,” she fixed the Witch with a piercing stare, “No fires, unless someone’s about to die.”
As we reached the wall, Rhian sprang effortlessly to the top before turning and offering Ellie her hand. Sierra and I jumped, grabbing the top and hauling ourselves over as Rhian hoisted Ellie.
I landed on the other side with a clatter, loud compared to Sierra’s gentle thud. Rhian and Ellie sprang down silently, and then we were jogging to the door.
Sierra drew her sword in one smooth motion as she reached the door and commanded “Silver Slash.”
As the door disintegrated inward, I drew my hammer and followed Sierra through with the other two close behind.
I moved to Sierra’s right, nearly colliding with her as I wondered for a second why she’d stopped moving, then I froze too, my eyes trying to take in exactly what I was seeing.
We’d entered a single, large room that I had to presume was a lounge. A circle of padded chairs, futons and sofas were arranged roughly around a circular platform that sat only around a pace above the ground, like a giant coffee table.
The woman standing on the platform had to be our target.
She was huge in every sense of the word. Tall, muscular and quite overweight, she fitted the descriptions I’d been given.