Chapter 2

Two weeks had passed since Ellen’s referral. Katie sat in the waiting area of Dr. Carolyn Hayes’ office, her hands clasped tightly in her lap. The space was calm and unpretentious — soft neutral colors, a few abstract prints on the walls, and a quiet sense of order that felt different from the more traditional setup with Ellen. She had come alone today. Jeff had his own session with Ellen later in the week. This part, Carolyn had made clear in their initial phone call, was for Katie and her relationship with her own body and womanhood.

The door opened and Dr. Carolyn Hayes stepped out. Mid-50s, shoulder-length brown hair with natural gray streaks, wire-rimmed glasses, and a warm but no-nonsense presence. She wore a simple blouse and slacks, nothing flashy. Her voice had a mild, pleasant Midwestern accent that made her sound approachable.

“Katie? Come on in.”

The office itself was comfortable — a large mirror on one wall, a soft rug, a couple of chairs, and a low couch. Carolyn gestured for Katie to sit wherever she felt most at ease. Katie chose the couch, sinking into it with a mix of nervousness and exhaustion.

Carolyn sat across from her in a chair, notepad on her lap but not yet open. “I’ve spoken with Ellen, so I have some sense of what brings you here. But I’d like to hear it from you. Take your time. What are you hoping for from our work together?”

Katie took a deep breath and began. The words came slowly at first, then in a steadier stream. She talked about the marriage, the three demanding little ones, the way motherhood had changed her body and her desire. She spoke about the selfish streak she recognized — the way she had grown up catering to her own wants and needs, and how SAHM life made her feel chronically deprived, quick to lash out in “crazy episodes” when she didn’t get her way. She mentioned the distance with Jeff, the way her own discontent had led her to ration sex even though Jeff still wanted her frequently. That was one of the biggest sore spots — his desire remained strong, but she often pulled away, feeling too exhausted, too unseen, too resentful of the unequal load. The guilt of that rationing only made everything worse.