A Picture's Worth
Copyright© 2026 by Evie Olivia Niven
Chapter 19: A Confession At Last
Ethan’s apartment was refreshingly dark and silent. Bea huddled on the couch, staring at the blank T.V. screen. There was too much swirling around in her head. Jill had had something of a nervous breakdown the other day, when they’d found out about Roger. The poor woman had known him for years on end, and she was in shock from everything that had happened. Bea could understand Jill’s reaction, even if it was different from her own. She felt ... relief.
Guilt was eating her alive inside; it went against everything she believed in, to judge someone so harshly, no matter what they did. Always Bea had had sympathy for anyone and everyone—even annoying broads like Melissa and Melanie. Yet now she was hollow inside. She’d seen the look in Alanna’s eyes, the flash of relief, and the dominating, icy uncaring, and she’d felt the same way. That had been several days ago. Since then, Bea had been quiet and withdrawn, hiding in Ethan’s apartment while he worked with Aria and tried, futilely, to get Ellery to trust him.
Things had not been so easy between her and Ethan. When they spoke to each other, it was polite and distant. The only time things seemed right was when they were curled up in bed together. “I can’t take this anymore,” Bea thought, feeling a hot tear slide down her cheek. “It would kill me to lose him, but I can’t take it anymore!” She didn’t understand why he couldn’t just be honest with her. Whatever had happened all those years ago, it couldn’t have been that bad, could it?
The apartment door opened, startling her. Ethan came in, looking tired and worn out. “I hate to do this to him now,” Bea thought, standing up from the couch. “But I can’t wait.” He paused in front of her, his eyebrows raising as he noticed the expression on her face. Once he’d told her that he needed to know what was in her past, and she’d answered willingly. Would he do the same for her? For a moment, Bea hesitated, not sure she wanted to know the answer to the question.
“What’s wrong?” Ethan asked, his expression changing to a frown. “Bea...”
“I have to know, Ethan,” she said bluntly. “I have to.”
Realizing what she meant, he sank down onto the couch. Bea sat down beside him, her heart in her throat. For a long time, Ethan was quiet, staring at the couch cushion beneath him, and she really thought he wasn’t going to answer. After everything we’ve been together, she thought sadly, and it just isn’t enough. Bea made to rise from the couch, but he caught her wrist, pulling her back down. Ethan took a deep breath and smiled sheepishly at her.
“It’s a little ... silly, maybe,” he said quietly. “You see, my girlfriend and I ... her name was Andrea ... we were together for so long. I loved her so much. And for a long time, I thought that she loved me just as much, but...”
“So she did cheat on you,” Bea said, frowning.
“Not ... exactly,” Ethan said, looking away from her. “Um ... I imagine you uh ... you don’t need me to explain what an open relationship is...”
Bea’s eyes widened. “You didn’t!”
Ethan looked back at her. She’d never before seen that expression in his eyes; as if some wry, cruel place deep inside himself was laughing at his foolishness. Bea reached over and toyed with a strand of hair that had gotten loose from his ponytail. She shifted over on the couch until she was up against his side and felt him relax against her. It’s easy sometimes to forget that in reality, he has very little relationship experience, Bea thought, looking at his face. Although ... now I’m not so sure of anything anymore.
“She said that she still loved me, only she was curious,” Ethan went on. “Since we were both each other’s first...”
Bea frowned. “So you decided to have an open relationship?”
“Well, sort of,” Ethan said. “I didn’t want to sleep with anyone else ... so I didn’t. But ... well, I guess you could say that what happened was my fault, since I let her do it.”
“And why was this something you felt you needed to keep from me?” Bea asked. “For that matter ... don’t you think it’s a little unfair, judging me the way you did because of her? I mean, hell, I’ve sowed my wild oats!”
Where the hell does he get off? Bea fumed, pulling away from him. Just because he let his girlfriend sleep with anyone she wanted doesn’t mean ... oh hell. She took a deep breath, calming herself down. Getting angry wasn’t going to get them anywhere, and besides, she could kind of see where he was coming from with this one. Bea inched across the couch and climbed up into his lap, startling him. She put her arms around his neck, holding him in place.
“So let me get this straight,” Bea said. “You didn’t want to get involved with me because of my past, because you thought there was a chance this whole fiasco would happen again ... right?”
Ethan’s cheeks colored. “Um ... well ... that certainly does make a good deal of sense, doesn’t it?” He coughed. “That ... partially, I was afraid of ... well, look!” His fingers curled in her hair suddenly, startling her. “I lost one person I loved because I loved her too much. And when I met you, I just had this feeling like ... like...”
He groaned softly and tossed his head back, at a loss for words. Bea shifted her position, straddling his hips and pushing herself up to get a look at his face. Ethan’s dark eyes flickered in her direction. Ah, well, Bea thought, as she lowered her mouth to his. I guess it doesn’t matter much anyway. How could she be angry at him for that? It reminded her of some boy in elementary school who’d picked on her because he’d liked her. Except instead, Ethan had made an idiot out of himself, but she loved him despite that—perhaps in part because of it.
“As much as I would love to just keep doing this,” Ethan murmured beneath her mouth, “that’s not the whole story.”
“I had a feeling it wasn’t,” Bea admitted, between small, gentle kisses. “Do we have to finish this discussion now?”
Ethan caught her around the waist and lifted her up easily. He set her down in his lap again, in a position where he could hold onto her more securely. Bea pouted, but he only gave her a stern, somewhat amused look in return. And here I was beginning to believe I was the one with more control, she thought, laying her head against his shoulder. For a while there he was the one always... ooo! Ethan ran the tip of his finger along the curve of her ear, making her shiver in delight.
“Now that I have your attention,” Ethan said, his voice amused, “there’s one other thing that came of this... fiasco, as you put it.”
“The HIV!” Bea lifted her head to look at him. “She was positive, wasn’t she?”
Ethan nodded. “More than that, though,” he said. “She uh... after she found out... well, she went out for a drive and in the morning...”
“Oh,” Bea said softly. “Oh, geez... Ethan...”
“The part I didn’t want to tell you, however,” Ethan went on, turning his head to look at her, “was that I spent a year in the hospital afterwards. And I spent a long time on medication... um...”
He stopped, once again out of words. It was never easy, she knew, to explain to someone about the things that had gone screwy in your head. Bea was reminded of Alanna, who had once admitted to her that sometimes she was embarrassed, that she wasn’t as strong as her father and brothers, or even her mother. I wonder what happened, exactly, Bea thought, gently touching his cheek. But I won’t ask right now. She didn’t care if Ethan had had to spend time in a hospital, or if he’d needed medication.
They sat in silence for a while, Ethan stroking her hair idly. Finally, Bea slipped from his lap and rose to her feet, beckoning for him to follow her. She watched him push himself up from the couch, his dark eyes studying her warily. Damned prideful Wolfe males, she thought, half-annoyed, half-amused. Like being a little messed up in the head makes you less of a person ... the whole lot of them are messed up in the head, anyway. Bea imagined that was why she fit in with them so well.
“Hold on,” Ethan said, as she pulled him towards the bedroom. “Bea, listen to me ... I have to go back on medication...”
Bea shrugged. “So what?” She released his arm and instead stood on her toes to catch his face in her hands. “Ethan, you’re being silly. A lot of people go through bad times when someone they love dies. For many people, it takes years and years to recover. That isn’t going to change the way I feel about you ... so get over it!” She let him go and settled back on her heels. “Because I sure am not playing the Pet Poor Wounded Puppy game that Xandri plays with Quinn.”
Ethan had to laugh at that. She’d almost been afraid it had been too harsh, but apparently not. Catching her around the waist and beneath the thighs, Ethan swung her up into his arms. Bea grabbed hold of him, clinging for dear life; sometimes she hated it when he did that. I am much too small to be thrown around like a rag doll, she thought, pressing her face against his chest. Actually ... now that I think about it, I’ve always kind of liked being thrown around like a rag doll. Bea shrieked as he tossed her lightly onto the bed.
“Sure, I can’t get you to change your mind about that?” Ethan asked. His voice was a soft purr that made her shiver.
“Maybe you can,” Bea replied lightly, “if you try really, really hard...”
It was so easy for him to pin her hands above her head, holding her wrists together with one hand. She squirmed as he ran his other hand over her belly, catching the hem of her shirt with his fingers and pulling it up. Ethan’s breath was warm on her neck as his lips moved up to her ear. Bea relaxed, moaning softly as his lips tugged at her earlobe, and his fingers lifted her bra, pulling it up to bare her breasts. She realized how much she’d missed his touch these last few days.