The Privy Report 2
Copyright© 2026 by Old Grey Duck
Chapter 49
Nothing starts your day like a positive, motivational message...
“May your day pass quickly without trouble, may your socks match and may your underwear not ride up and get stuck between your ass cheeks.”
At the end of his show, a Mexican Magician told his audience he would disappear on the count of three. He smiled and said...
Uno! Dos! And suddenly, POOF, he was gone!
He vanished without a tres.
A guy goes for a physical and the doctor asks about his activity level. “What do you mean?” the guy asked.
“For example,” the doctor says, “what did you do yesterday?”
“Oh,” the guy answers. “Well, yesterday afternoon I took a five hour walk, about seven miles, through some rough terrain. I waded along the edge of the lake. Got sand in my shoes and my eyes. I jumped about three feet in the air when I almost stepped on a snake. Climbed several hills and hacked my way through tall grass. After that I was so dehydrated, I drank three beers and rested.
“Wow!” the doctor replied. “You’re quite the outdoors-man!”
“Not really,” the guy sighs. “More like I’m a shitty golfer.”
Little Johnny is walking through the neighborhood with his dad one day. He looks over and sees two dogs “having fun.” He asks, “Dad? What are they doing?”
His father decides to be honest and says “They are trying to make a puppy.”
“Oh, okay.” and the two continue walking.
A few nights later, Little Johnny wakes up to go to the bathroom. After he finishes, he hears strange sounds from him parents room so he looks inside. “Dad? What are you doing to Mom?”
“Well son, your mother and I are trying to make a baby.”
Little Johnny thinks a moment and says, “Maybe you should turn Mom over? I would rather have a puppy.”
Some people meditate in the morning. I stand in the kitchen with a cup of coffee, staring blankly out the window like a confused raccoon.
A girl named Allison is home from college for the Thanksging weekend and relaxing with family before the big dinner. She asks her grandmother how she is and what is going on in her life.
The grandmother smiles and said, “Well, I was hired at the Bingo Hall as a caller and then they fired me right away.
“They fired you?” Allison asked, astonished. “Why?”
“Well, I called a number wrong.”