The Privy Report 2
Copyright© 2026 by Old Grey Duck
Chapter 29
You know when you’re getting old when you have dry dreams and wet farts.
I’m in a good place right now. Not emotionally. I’m at the liquor store.
At my age, ‘getting lucky’ means I walk into a room and remember why.
We might not remember what we wanted to be when we grew up. But I’m certain it wasn’t fat, broke, depressed, and an overthinker.
When I was a kid, a popular party game was “Spin The Bottle.” If the other person didn’t want to kiss you, they had to give you $0.25 instead. Bought my first car when I was 15 years old.
If you’re feeling stressed out, turn off the news. Turn on a documentary on serial killers and relax.
When I speak up, I’m rude. When I remain silent, I have an attitude. I’m going to start barking and see what that does.
When I was little, I was afraid of the dark. Now, I see the electricity bill and I’m afraid of the light.
The older I get, the better I was.
Don’t take Life too seriously. Nobody gets out alive.
My fitness tracker says walked 450 steps today. Split between the bathroom and the kitchen.
I’m on the whiskey diet. I lost 3 days so far.
We were hearing odd noises in the house and were worried it would be an expensive repair job. Thankfully, it was just the ghost in the attic.
Do you feel prettier when someone compliments your looks?
“Any child under 8 years old. They never lie.” (Answer provided by Sweetie.)
Me: Thank God! I managed to locate the exit from the escape room! Boss: “You really need to stop saying that when you leave work.”
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