The Space Between Us
Copyright© 2025 by Megumi Kashuahara
Chapter 8
The Weight of Secrets
Spring semester started with the usual chaos—syllabus week, new schedules, reconnecting with friends who’d scattered for winter break. Rin and Kiko fell into their routine, but now everything had an added layer of complexity.
They’d agreed on rules: No obvious affection in public. No telling friends yet. Careful about who saw them going into their room together too often. It seemed simple enough in theory.
In practice, it was exhausting.
“Hey, you two!” Their friend Maya caught up with them on the way to the dining hall their first week back. “How was break? Did you survive being stuck together at Rin’s mom’s place?”
Rin felt Kiko tense beside her, just slightly.
“It was fine,” Rin said, keeping her voice casual. “Quiet. Lots of family time.”
“Sounds boring,” Maya said cheerfully. “I went to Cabo with my cousins. Total chaos, but fun chaos. You guys should come next time.”
“Maybe,” Kiko said, and Rin heard the strain in her voice that she was trying to hide.
They got their food and joined the larger group—Maya, Jordan, Sam, and a few others from their freshman dorm. The conversation flowed around them, and Rin participated automatically while hyperaware of Kiko sitting across the table. Of the way Kiko’s foot brushed against hers under the table, deliberate and brief. Of how Kiko’s eyes kept finding hers when she thought no one else was looking.
“So Rin,” Jordan said, pulling her attention back. “You seeing anyone these days? There’s this guy in my econ class who was asking about you.”
Rin’s stomach dropped. “Um, no. Not really looking right now. Too busy with classes.”
“Come on, it’s freshman year! Live a little.” Jordan grinned. “He’s cute. Pre-med. I could set something up.”
“I’m really not interested,” Rin said more firmly.
“Your loss.” Jordan shrugged and turned to Kiko. “What about you? You were seeing that girl from your art class last semester, right?”
“We went on like two dates,” Kiko said. “It didn’t go anywhere.”
“Well, if you’re still looking, there’s a party this weekend. Lots of opportunities.”
Rin watched Kiko’s jaw tighten almost imperceptibly. “I’m good, actually. Not really in the dating headspace right now.”
“Since when?” Maya laughed. “You’re always in the dating headspace.”
The conversation moved on, but Rin felt sick. This was going to be their life now—deflecting questions, making excuses, watching each other get set up with other people while pretending they didn’t care.
Later, back in their room, Kiko flopped onto her bed with a groan.
“That was awful,” she said.
“I know.”
“Jordan trying to set you up, Maya assuming I’m perpetually single and desperate...” Kiko covered her face with her hands. “How are we supposed to do this for months? Maybe years?”
Rin sat beside her, pulling her hands away. “The same way we did it before. When we were both lying to ourselves about what we felt.”
“That was different. Then I didn’t know what I was missing.” Kiko sat up, frustrated energy radiating off her. “Now I know exactly what I’m missing every time I can’t touch you in public. Every time someone assumes we’re just roommates, just stepsisters.”
“I know. I feel it too.”
“Do you?” Kiko’s voice had an edge now. “Because you seem pretty good at the pretending part. You always have been.”
Rin felt the words like a slap. “That’s not fair.”
“Isn’t it? You spent six years pretending you didn’t have feelings for me. What’s a few more years pretending we’re not together?”
“Kiko—”
“I’m sorry.” Kiko stood abruptly, pacing to the window. “I’m sorry, that was shitty. I just—it’s harder than I thought it would be. Seeing you every day and not being able to just ... be with you. Not the way I want.”
Rin joined her at the window, careful not to touch even though they were alone and the door was locked. “It’s hard for me too. Do you think I liked hearing Jordan try to set me up? Knowing I had to act like I might actually be interested?”
“Then maybe we should tell people. Our friends, at least. They’d understand.”
“Would they?” Rin asked quietly. “We’re stepsisters, Kiko. Living together. That’s not exactly a normal relationship.”
“We’re not actually sisters.”
“I know that. You know that. But to everyone else—”
“To everyone else we’re weird and wrong and probably fucked up.” Kiko’s voice was bitter. “I get it. I’ve thought about it every day since we got together. But I also know that what we have is real, and I’m tired of hiding it.”
“We’ve been together for three weeks,” Rin pointed out. “We agreed to take this slowly. To be sure before we told anyone.”
“I am sure.”
“Well, I’m not,” Rin said, and watched Kiko flinch. “Not about us—I’m sure about us. But I’m not sure we can handle what comes after people know. The judgment, the gossip, having to explain ourselves constantly. And I’m definitely not sure we’re ready to tell our parents.”
Kiko was quiet for a long moment. Then: “So what are you saying? That we stay secret forever?”
“No. I’m saying we need more time. To build something strong enough to withstand everyone else’s opinions.” Rin finally gave in and took Kiko’s hand. “We’re not even out of our first month together. Can we just ... exist in this for a while? Figure out who we are before we have to defend it to everyone else?”
Kiko’s anger seemed to deflate. “I hate that you’re being reasonable.”
“Someone has to be.”
“I know. It’s just...” Kiko squeezed her hand. “I want to be able to kiss you goodnight without locking the door first. I want to hold your hand walking to class. I want people to know you’re mine.”
“I am yours,” Rin said softly. “Whether people know it or not.”
“I know. I just wish they could know it too.”
They stood there for a while, hands clasped, both struggling with the impossible situation they’d chosen. Finally Kiko pulled Rin into a hug, and Rin let herself sink into it, breathing in the familiar scent of her shampoo and paint.
“I’m sorry I snapped at you,” Kiko murmured against her hair.
“It’s okay. This is hard. We’re both adjusting.”
“Still. You don’t deserve that.”
Rin pulled back just enough to kiss her, soft and reassuring. “We’ll figure it out. We just need time.”
The next few weeks settled into an uneasy rhythm. In public, they were roommates, stepsisters, friends. In private, behind their locked dorm room door, they were girlfriends learning each other in all the ways that mattered.
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