Jacinta Takes a Walk
Copyright© 2025 by BarBar
Chapter 34: Without Growling
After lunch I had IT. We were learning how to write programs in Python. Writing a program is annoying because you have to get everything perfectly right or it doesn’t work. Half the time the program doesn’t even run because there’s a missing bracket or something. The other half of the time, the program runs but it does something stupid instead of doing what you want it to do. At least for IT we get to work in a room with spare computers, so I don’t have to rely on my piece of junk laptop.
I found it hard to concentrate during that class. I was too worried about what was going to happen next.
I was supposed to have Science for the final period, but instead I was getting picked up and taken to the doctor for my checkup. I went to my locker and packed my bag and then went to the front office. I was psyching myself up to have an argument with the reception lady about leaving early, because that’s what normally happened. But as soon as I gave my name she said, “Oh yes. We had a call to say you’d be leaving at this time. Just sign the sheet and you’re set.”
I blinked, and then signed the sheet. That was way too easy. Is that how it’s supposed to work?
I picked up my bag and headed out to the front of the school. There’s a bench outside the fence in the perfect place to sit while you wait to be collected. I sat on the bench and looked around. I was completely alone.
“Frodo,” I said. “I’m really nervous about this doctor visit.”
Frodo wound around from behind me and laid his head on my lap.
“Why?” said Frodo.
“The doctor is going to want to poke around my twat. Maybe even shove one of their scope things up my vag.”
“Yeah, probably,” said Samwise. He sat down next to me and leaned against my leg.
“I don’t want to do that,” I said. “I don’t know if I can let them do that to me.”
“I’m not surprised that you’re nervous about that,” said Frodo.
Samwise huffed and leaned harder against me.
“I want you to take over, Frodo,” I said. “I want you to take over like you used to do.”
“We agreed that me taking over all the time was a bad idea,” said Frodo. “I got us into that situation. It was my fault we were attacked like that. It was my job to keep you safe and I failed.”
Samwise whined and shook his head so that his ears flapped. Then he rubbed his head against my leg.
I sighed and stroked Frodo’s head.
“I don’t blame you for that,” I said. “I think, given how we were carrying on, it was always going to happen, sooner or later. They call what we were doing, ‘risky behaviour.’ We didn’t know how unsafe it was. We learned the hard way.”
A blue Honda pulled up right in front of me.
Roy jumped out of the car and walked around to open the boot.
“Jacinta? I’m Roy. We met briefly yesterday at SHORT. I work there weekdays.”
“Yeah, I remember,” I said.
“Drop your bag in the boot, and we’ll get going,” he said.
A moment later, we were pulling away from the school. Frodo had crammed himself into the leg well in front of me and draped himself over my ankles. He looked up at me with his big brown eyes.
I glanced at Roy, as he drove. He was a biggish sort of guy and looked pretty fit, like an athlete. He also had a kind of confident air about him, like he knew who he was and what he was doing. To be honest, he was a bit of a hunk.
He glanced sideways at me, and I could tell he was about to start asking me questions that I wasn’t in the mood to answer.
“So, tell me about Roy,” I said.
“What was that?”
“You’ve probably read my file so you know some pretty personal things about me. But all I know about you is your first name, and where you work. So, tell me about Roy. What is Roy’s greatest accomplishment?”
“Oh, that one’s easy,” he said. “I played AFL. Fifteen games for the Adelaide Crows.”
“Wow! That’s impressive. A professional footy player. But not any more?”
“No,” he gave a little grimace. “I busted up my ankle. It was pretty nasty. I had surgery, of course, but I never quite regained the strength and flexibility in the ankle that I needed to play footy properly. And that was the end of my AFL career.”
“That’s a shame,” I said. “I’m sorry. Do you miss it?”
He shrugged. “Yeah, I do. Playing at that level was a rush. Getting to test myself against the best players in the game was fantastic. Being able to do it full time was great, too. It meant that I was able to focus all of my energy on being the best that I could be. And of course, there were also the crowds, the cameras, the hype, all of that. It was an awesome time of my life. But no footy career lasts forever. Mine lasted longer than some, but it was over quicker than others. I have no regrets.”
“Do you still play footy?” I asked, “Like on the weekend?”
He shook his head. “No. The doctors told me that another injury to that ankle could permanently cripple me. Footy is such a fast game. You have to be able to run fast, change direction, jink and weave, leap high, and land safely. Even at amateur level, it would put too much stress on my ankle. Instead, now I coach an Under 12s team each Saturday morning. It’s fun and there’s nowhere near the pressure.”
He was genuinely smiling as he talked about that.
“And my weekdays are pretty rewarding too,” he said, continuing to smile. “I get to work with a bunch of teens who’ve had a lot go wrong in their lives, but their resilience inspires me.”
I was surprised. “We inspire you?”
“Yeah,” he said. “As the song goes: You get knocked down, but you get up again, they’re never gonna keep you down.”
He sang the same line three times over, which is the chorus of the song, drumming on the wheel as he sang.
I laughed, while he sang.
That song had been used to advertise one of the other footy codes in Australia. The ads had been pretty constant for a while. Because of that, everyone knows the song.
“Okay,” I said. “Next question. Do you have a significant other? A wife? A girlfriend? A boyfriend?”
At that moment, he hit the indicator and we turned into the carpark of a medical centre.
“Look, we’re here,” he said, giving me a sly little wink. “I’m going to drop you off, because I have an errand to run. Do you have a phone?”
“No.”
“No worries,” he said. “I should be back in 45 minutes or so, an hour at the most. I’ll find a spot in the carpark and wait for you here. If you finish before I get back, wait somewhere along this section so I can see you when I pull in. That way I can pick you up straight away. Okay?”
“Sure, no problem. Bye.”
I stepped out of the car. As I was closing the door, he said, “And yes, I have a girlfriend. See ya later.”
He drove off and I watched the car drive away. That was just mean. I grinned to myself. It was funny, but mean. He knew I’d want to know more.
I turned around to face the front door of the medical centre and my mood immediately dropped again. Frodo and Samwise moved into place on either side of me.
“Don’t worry,” said Frodo. “I’m here. I’ve got you. Everything’s going to be okay.”
I went inside, escorted by my two friends, and gave my name at the reception desk. They told me to take a seat in the waiting room so I did that. There was a TV on the wall in the waiting room. It was on silent with the captions turned on. It was showing a local free to air channel that was currently running a quiz show. I slid my hand into Frodo’s curly hair and held on tightly. Samwise lay down across my feet. I watched the quiz show, but I couldn’t focus enough to even attempt their questions.
My name was called and I followed the doctor down a little hallway and into an office. The doctor introduced herself as Priya Patel, but I was to call her Priya, or Dr Priya if that made me more comfortable. We sat and went through a whole bunch of questions at first. I’d had vague thoughts of playing the teen stereotype and being surly and uncommunicative, but she was so straightforward and friendly that I found myself giving proper answers. I even started to relax a bit.
She gave me one of those paper gowns and stepped out of the office while I undressed and put on the gown. The office had an examination couch, with a thin paper sheet spread over it. I sat on the examination couch in my paper gown and took deep breaths. This is where it was about to get real.
She came in, and told me she was going to start with my head and work down. I felt myself relax a little bit. I could cope with that.
She went through a fairly thorough physical examination, poking and prodding in all the usual places. She looked in my ears and felt my throat. She used her scope thingy to listen to different places on my chest and on my back while I took deep breaths. She had me lay flat and listened to different places on my abdomen. She tested my reflexes and all of that.
At one point she asked if I was sexually active.
“Not any more,” I said. “A while ago I did a lot of sexual stuff but I’ve stopped doing that.”
“How long is it since the last time you were sexually active?”
“Probably three years ago.”
She raised her eyebrows. “You’re sixteen now?”
“That’s correct,” I said. I watched her do the maths.
“I don’t remember when I started,” I said. “It was some time around when I was ten.”
“Would you describe the sexual activity you had back then as consensual?”
“The law says I wasn’t able to give consent back then,” I said.
She nodded. “I’m aware of what the law says. I’m asking what led to you to doing that. Were you being physically forced? Were you doing it for money? Was it people who had authority over you, so you felt you had to comply?”
“No, to all of those,” I said. “I kind of did it because I wanted to. I was really lost and in a bad way after Dad died. I think I used sex as a way of getting affection. Or in place of affection. Or whatever. I mostly enjoyed everything at the time. It felt good, so I kept doing it.”
I shrugged. “Most of it happened when I was using drugs. I know it happened but I barely remember it.”
Frodo grinned at me from beside the couch. “That was me, most of the time. You do exaggerate how often you were on drugs.”
I ignored Frodo. What he was saying was true, but I wasn’t going to tell the doctor that. I’m not totally stupid.
Dr Priya was looking at me, waiting for me to keep explaining.
“Then there was one time that I got hurt. I was thirteen. I went into it willingly, but then they started hurting me. Like, really hurting me. And they wouldn’t stop when I told them to. It ended up with me trying to fight them off. I ended up in hospital that time. I haven’t done stuff like that since. I’ve mostly stayed away from the drugs since then, too.”
That had all been Frodo, of course. The drugs, the sex, the attack, all of it. I’d been watching it all happen from a distance, so it didn’t feel like it happened to me. That made it easy to talk about what happened. I’d only watched. And for some of it, I didn’t even watch. When you’re not even there, you can’t possibly remember. Right?
Frodo had more to say. “You haven’t let anybody touch you down there since we got attacked.”
I ignored Frodo. His comment didn’t sound right.
“You divert them with your hands or your mouth,” said Frodo.
It’s not true. I just haven’t been in the mood to have full on sex with anyone, that’s all.
I looked at Dr Priya. “I think that’s the last time I’ve had sex with anyone. I’m sticking to only having sex with boyfriends from now on, or girlfriends, I’m not fussy. But I haven’t had either since then, so...”
Dr Priya looked at me, carefully. “I would like to give you a pelvic exam. Is that okay?”
I stared at her. “I didn’t think I had a choice. I was told this would be a full medical with all of that included.”
She nodded. “Yes, but consent is still important. I’m not going to force you.”
“Oh,” I said. I frowned at her. “I have a tampon in. Is that a problem?”
“I’ll get you to take that out, if you don’t mind.”
She handed me a tissue to wrap it in and indicated a medical waste disposal bin for me to put it into.
She lay me down on the bed and put my ankles in the stirrups and put a thicker pad under my ass.
“I’m here,” said Frodo. “You’re safe.”
But he was still sitting near the bed. That wasn’t where I wanted him.
Dr Priya sat on a little stool and pulled on a pair of gloves and a mask.
She said, “Try to relax. I know this can be a bit uncomfortable.”
I felt contact near my twat and I jumped, or at least tried to.
This wasn’t the first time I’d had this done. It happened that time when I was in hospital three years before. That time I’d been hurt and bleeding and half off my head with drugs. Having her doing this was bringing back memories of that time.
“I need you to try to relax more,” she said. “Take deep breaths, in and out, slow deep breaths.”
I glared at Frodo and he rolled his eyes. Have you ever seen a dog roll its eyes?
Frodo moved and I found myself staring at the ceiling.
“That’s better,” said Dr Priya. “Now this might feel a bit cold.”
It didn’t feel cold. It felt distant.
The ceiling was interesting. It had those cool square tiles. I don’t what they’re made of. Foam maybe?
Dr Priya was doing a pelvic exam on Frodo. She was explaining what she was doing at every step. It was strange hearing her voice in the background when I was busy admiring the ceiling tiles. Somewhere in the distance, I could feel her doing things down at our twat.
“I can see a tiny bit of scarring,” she said. “It should not effect any future activity, either in terms of function, or feeling.”
“That’s what they told me in the hospital, back then,” we said.
It was strange hearing my voice in the background when I was busy admiring the ceiling tiles.
One time, when I was in a room with tiles like that, I saw that one of the tiles had been moved to the side. It was surprisingly thin and there was a space above the tile before you got to the actual ceiling. Why would they do that? I always assumed those tiles were glued directly onto the ceiling. I thought they were just an alternative to painting the ceiling.
“Were you injured anywhere else at that time?” she asked.
“Yeah, in a few places,” we said. “My hands, my face, my back, my left leg. I can barely see the scars. A lot of my injuries came from fighting back, but some of it was what they did. I had bruises, cracked ribs, a tooth, broken bones in my hand, and so on, but they healed up.”
Our voice sounded flat to me. Unemotional. Like we were describing something that happened to someone else.
“The worst was my ass,” we said. “They had to fix a bit of tearing, in my asshole, and up inside. Stitches and all that.”
“I had to take stuff to make my shit soft while it was healing,” I said. “I was shitting like a frozen yoghurt machine for weeks.”
My lips curled up in amusement at the memory. That had sucked at the time, but now it was funny.
That was only after they put me back on solid foods. I didn’t shit at all for a bit. I didn’t see the point of explaining that. She was a doctor. She’d figure that out if she needed to.
“Have you experienced any problems since then? Any bleeding or pain in that area?”
“Not really,” we said.
My diet hasn’t been that healthy over the years. I sometimes get a bit blocked up or whatever. That can hurt a bit, but I’m guessing that’s normal. I started drinking prune juice and that helped. I keep some laxatives in my bathroom, well, they’re now in my toiletry bag. But the pharmacist told me not to take them too often, or it would cause other problems.
“May I do an internal exam of your rectum?” she asked.
“Oh! I guess,” we said.
The pattern on those ceiling tiles was endlessly fascinating. They looked very square. There was a light fitting that was away from the middle of one of the squares. It kind of disrupted the pattern. Why didn’t they put it in the middle of the square? Who would put a light up and not put it in the middle of the square? Some people are strange.
I heard her squeeze out some lube and spread it on her glove. “This will feel cold. Try to relax.”
I squeezed my eyes shut.
“I’m here,” said Frodo. “I’ve got you. You’re safe now.”
Somewhere in the distance, something poked into somebody’s asshole.
Then she was done. She wiped around the area and then rolled back away from me. I heard the sound of her taking off the gloves and disposing of them. Then she stood up and washed her hands at the sink. She released me from the stirrups and got me to sit up.
I decided that the exam had been okay. It hadn’t been as bad as I was expecting. I hadn’t had a complete meltdown for one thing. I even let her touch me without growling at her. Yay me!
Frodo helped, obviously. Good boy, Frodo.
Frodo lay on the floor and watched me, his tongue flopped out and the tip of his tail wagged softly.
During all of that, Dr Priya was talking. “I can see where the doctors did their work. In my opinion, they seem to have done a fabulous job of repairing the tearing that you reported.”
She returned to her chair and rolled it so she was sitting facing me. “It sounds like you had a pretty traumatic experience back then. Did you get counselling at the time?”
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