Chapter 3: Claire’s Friend Nadia

Nadia is 33. She is a black, soft-spoken woman. A little nerdy — a bookish vibe, thick glasses, box braids half-up. A girl next door type with that’s polite and unassuming. Maybe she’s blends into the background a little too much. But she does her best.

She works in IT support at a local college. She just drifts between contracts and side gigs making ends meet. She’s not entirely passionate about her work. It gets the bills paid and she’s able to buy a few nice things. That’s really it.

She’s had relationships, but they never stick — her longest was a year, ending with ghosted texts and an unanswered doorbell. What really hurt was his car as at home and music was playing. But she’s used to it.

She tells herself she’s fine alone, but at night she scrolls dating apps she never opens fully. She knows she’s adrift, but she doesn’t know what to grab onto.

Claire and Nadia meet once or twice a month. They bonded in high school and stayed in the same city during college. Today, Claire showed up in jeans and a sweater, hair brushed, face clean — She was passable. She is able to contain her inner goonette demon when she leaves in her cave ... sometimes. This version of Claire was the version that can smile and sip coffee under fluorescent lights. This Claire can put clothes on and walk in the light and ignore some of pornographic thoughts that make her pussy throb. Not all of them. Deep down she would rather be gooning right now.

Nadia sees her and waves her over, hugging each other with all the warmth a deep friendship can provide. Nadia did notice something different about Claire though. Her complexion had changed slowly over time after the divorce ... almost like she doesn’t go out much. Also she had bags under her eyes sometimes ... but she didn’t question things. Claire was very cagey about the details and Nadia didn’t want to strain the friendship by probing. She knew something was off, but she also knew when to keep her mouth shut.

After they hug, Nadia says, “God, you’re pale.” While she was playful about it, Claire knew that Nadia has a hunch about something. She knew she would have to come clean eventually.

They catch up for the evening. They talk about old professors, bad Tinder dates, how Nadia’s mom keeps asking when she’ll find a “good man.” Claire listens politely, stirring her tea. She actually was just daydreaming about porn. The more she heard Nadia talk ... the more she thought about telling her about her porn addiction ... eventually she decided to reveal her secret. Claire cleared her throat once there was a gap in silence. This was it.