Chapter 60: Because It Has To Be

November 13, 1990, McKinley, Ohio

"I'm sorry I didn't have time for you yesterday," Clarissa said when we met for lunch. "We had two Residents, one Attending, and a pair of nurses out with whatever flu is going around.

"Working in a building full of sick people is not conducive to good health!"

"No kidding! Baker is considering mandatory flu shots for all staff."

"One more thing for the nurses' union to complain about."

"I get the idea another strike is coming."

"After the first of the year would be my guess," I said. "None of the real issues were resolved, and raises are a serious point of contention. The county has limited funds they are able to allocate, and there are other priorities. The main one is our mandate to take any and all patients, either due to EMTALA or the charter created when the hospital first opened as a publicly-funded regional medical center after World War II."

"Do you realize we've been alive longer than the gap between World War II and when we were born?"

"Something Mr. Black pointed out to us when we were Seniors — the gaps were the same. Here's one — the gap to the year 2000 is about the same as the time we've been out of High School."

"That is SO weird! Let me guess — you'll celebrate the millennium on December 31st, 2000, not with everyone else?"

I chuckled, "I'll party like it's 1999 with everyone else, but I reserve the right to pedantically repeat over and over that there was no year 0; therefore, the end of the 2000th year is, indeed, at the end of 2000, not 1999."

"As if anyone could stop you! How did things go with Father Roman?"

"He acknowledged I had made significant progress in developing a spirit of peace."

"And your reaction was to think you had a long way to go."

"Because I do," I replied. "I didn't say that directly to Father Roman because I was certain he understands I heard what he meant; I did say it to Kris in context of Frank Bush."

"I think you're beating your head into a wall for no good reason, especially with regard to that «мудак» (mudak)." ("asshole")

"We are all God's children, Lissa," I countered. "When a sheep goes astray, the shepherd does everything possible to bring the lost sheep back to the flock. And that reminds me of some trivia Mr. Black taught us."

"Of course it does!" Clarissa laughed. "Is there anything he didn't discuss?"

"He was very, very careful about sex, though on a few occasions he did say that if we talked to him after graduation, he'd be happy to discuss that kind of trivia. I never took him up on that offer."

"What's the trivia?"

"Sheep are flock animals, and they will follow the leader of the flock. That's typically the oldest male sheep, who is usually castrated. That oldest male sheep is called the 'wether', spelled w-e-t-h-e-r. Because open, communal pastures could be large, a shepherd or shepherdess would tie a bell around the neck of the wether so he or she could locate the flock if they were out of sight. That leader, the wether, wearing the bell, is the..."

"Bellwether!" Clarissa exclaimed. "That's cool, actually."

"Yep. One more that I should have mentioned ages ago — the words 'pretzel', 'brassiere', and 'brachial' all have the same linguistic root. And if you turn a pretzel upside down, it looks like..."

Clarissa laughed, "A pair of breasts and bra straps."

"Anyway, I had a very good talk with Father Roman, and he helped me decide what to do career-wise. One of my struggles was having signed a contract and given my word, but he pointed out I was asking for a release similar to the one I requested of Vladyka JOHN. Father Roman then asked what I would have done had the bishop refused my request."

"Foolishly remained a deacon because of your stubborn refusal to put your own interests first. Honestly, had it not been for Rachel, you wouldn't have even considered asking for a release, despite it being the right thing to do."

"We're going to have to disagree on that one, Lissa. Had it not been for that incident in fourth grade, 'Monk Michael' would have been the most likely outcome."

"Yeah, but to quote Bill Murray — 'Did you ever see a monk get wildly fucked by some teenage girls? So much for the monastery'."

I laughed, "Yes, but had that been the trajectory, I would never have been with Jos, and likely would have gone to seminary so I could be a priest-monk."

"I am very happy that did not happen. What now?"

"Dutch Wernher anticipated my conditions, agreed to them without me asking, and is going to seek permission from Nels Anderson to move forward."

"Scrubs and being 'Doctor Mike' despite his rules against those?"

"Yes. He did mention that I couldn't get out of chart reviews, but I hadn't considered asking for that because I knew the answer! He even agreed to black scrubs."

"Monk Michael?" Clarissa teased. "Kris will be VERY unhappy!"

"As I said to Dutch, in the Orthodox Church, the good guys wear black. On the general topic of scrubs, he's amenable to at least considering my opinion that families respond better to doctors in scrubs, as demonstrated by the surgical service."

"Does Mary know?"

"No. She'll be the most difficult one, but in the end, she'll be top dog, and she'll make a far better surgeon. Remember, she wanted to Match for surgery, and I talked her out of it the same way Cutter, Roth, and Shelly talked me out of Matching for emergency medicine, which only happened because I found a way to split the difference, if you will."

"Your usual practice of trying to make everyone happy."

"Yes."

"Except yourself," Clarissa added.

"That's far more nuanced than you were ever willing to admit."

"We have to agree to disagree. What do you think will happen?"

"Honestly? I think Dutch will win the argument, so to speak. Shelly will give me serious grief, Owen will try to talk me out of it, and Cutter will do what's best for the hospital. That's where Dutch wins his argument."

"There's no better emergency medicine physician in the hospital; heck, probably in the state."

"That will be his argument, yes."

"Humility has a place, Petrovich. This is not the place."

"I hear you, Lissa. The other argument Dutch will make, and it's one nobody can counter — the ED is short an experienced physician with no reasonable chance to replace him. I mean, sure, it's possible that somewhere out there is a PGY2 who wants to move to Hayes County Ohio to finish their third year, but what are the realistic chances?"

"Pretty low, if not zero."

"No, I know of at least one, but Moore Memorial would never hire her."

"Melissa Bush?"

"From everything I can tell, she's a good physician, and she's served her penance, if you will, by working in Appalachian coal country where GPs still accept barter."

"Her dad is one thing, and you know my take, but seriously? Melissa?"

"Everyone makes mistakes, Lissa. Everyone can be redeemed. It is, as they say, an article of faith for me. The thing is, you agree it's unlikely there is a viable candidate, meaning we'll be short a senior Resident for another nineteen months. There's a quick solution to that problem, one that nobody can really counter except by saying 'suck it up and deal with it'. Add in the fact that we have the move to the new ED next year, and Dutch's argument will be hard to refute."

"You're willing to be Chief Resident and Chief Attending?"

"The only difference with being Chief Resident will be creating schedules for Residents and medical students. I'm already a leader in the ED, and the person the PGY1s and PGY2s come to with questions or concerns, and the person they call for help when they need it. Heck, that's true of PGY3s and Attendings, too. My current role actually interferes with that because it takes me out of the ED every other week."

"Mike Loucks blowing his own horn! What's next?"

I chuckled, "You know the Ghostbusters answer, but I'm simply reporting the situation as I see it. I'm positive Cutter will agree, and so will Owen, albeit grudgingly. Shelly will give me grief, as I said, but in the end, she'll accept it because, when push comes to shove, it's better for the patients and for the hospital."

"When will you know?"

"Probably a week or so, unless Nels Anderson or Cutter quash it out of hand, which I don't believe they will. They won't want to take the risk I seek an Attending position in Rutherford."

"You're not thinking about doing that, are you?"

"No, because it's not a teaching hospital. I like teaching medical students. Yes, they have some Residents, but they are limited. Now, if Harding County does follow through on the future development plans on file, the story might be different. But we're talking between six and ten years. They'd also have to affiliate with a medical school, and whichever medical school it is would likely need to expand to meet the needs."

"You still intend to build someplace between McKinley and Rutherford, right?"

"Yes. Jos and Gene are planning on the same thing."

"Then I think that's what Tessa and I will do once I'm an Attending, though closer to Columbus, for obvious reasons."