Chapter 18

CC and Diane came up, told me that they wanted to get something to eat. I wanted to shake my head; a quarter hour before, we were being chased by a shark, looking for its own dinner. Now they were off chasing their dinner.

Not for the first time, I decided to walk. I started down towards the beach, to be warned almost at once to stay away from the water. Instead of walking where I liked, in the wet sand area, I stayed just a bit further away from the water, but not much.

I went about a mile, then turned to look out to sea. Such a lot to think about, a busy three days. And tomorrow ... I wanted to pinch myself. Tomorrow I was going to try out for the Olympics. It seemed ... bizarre to even contemplate that. And then, after the tryout, Tasha would pick me up ... I was as sure as I could be that we’d end up someplace alone together. I felt my arousal, like a flame within me. If Sean knew how I felt, he’d be jealous. And Diane would hit me with something large and heavy, over and over again.

Yet, much as I liked Diane, the fact was that I’d never really been comfortable with her from the beginning. I lusted after her; who wouldn’t? It wasn’t fair, but I hadn’t been able to come to grips with the fact that I keep thinking that she was out of my league. I’d never had anyone tease me like Diane would have to be teasing, but I was used to being a loner, an outsider. It was going to be a while, if ever, before I took people with the confidence someone like Sean or Duke had.

God! I so wanted to love her! To be loved by her! But it seemed like a dream. Like a fevered dream, not real, an illusion created by my mind to make my existence mean something; when in fact it didn’t mean a thing.

I laughed at myself. I’d told Ian Clarke earlier that I thought his daughters had gone off the deep end. Now I was getting a little close to the edge myself.

“Can’t tell,” I heard the Duke’s voice behind me. “If a man who laughs to himself when he’s alone on the beach is a nutcase or realizes just where he stands in the scheme of things.”

“The last,” I said without hesitation. I waved back towards the hotel. “I do things; they work. Never before have they worked; I keep thinking I’m a complete fraud.”

“Funny you should mention that,” the Duke said. “A little bird put a word in my ear. Said you might be able to afford nickel-dime-quarter poker until the cows come home.”

I sensed the best answer. “You have cows in Florida?”

The Duke laughed. “Some. Right now, you have to think. Do I want to play poker with the Duke and his friends, or do I want to be a total lamer, huddling by the fire?”

“Huddling by the fire?” I asked, mystified.

“The cave men,” the Duke said, “were divided by their value to the clan. The women of childbearing age; they were protected first. Then the hunters, the guys who went out into the dark to find food for the clan. Then the elders, the ones with the knowledge of what worked before. Last and least, were those who did nothing but huddle by the fire, eating the meat others hunted, warmed by the fire someone else had made, that someone else kept going. When hard times were on the clan, in some ways, they turned the drones loose to fend for themselves. In some, the drones were the meat on the hoof.”

He grinned. “Poker, Zim! Poker! Rumor has it you will not faint if you lose a few dollars. Tonight, there.” He waved down the beach. “In my bungalow, seven o’clock.”

He turned and left, leaving me once again looking out to sea. How very bizarre, I thought. Here I’ve made more friends than I’ve ever made in my life; there were people whose friendship I hadn’t made, like Phil and Kristie; Gin and Tonic. How do you explain something like this happening? I’d have laughed again but remembered Duke and his ribbing; decided that it really wasn’t that funny anyway.

It was like a minor epiphany; what I wanted was to get in bed with someone and make love until the sun came up. I contemplated that, mentally laughed at myself again. Do that, and my parents would be just a little upset; not something I should do on the eve of the wildest dream I could imagine. Tasha, dear wonderful Tasha, I wish you were here!

“Excuse us.” The voice was all too familiar. I glanced to see the twins; whichever one was which.

“I really don’t need this just now,” I said, my voice soft.

“We’re sorry.” They were wearing their electric blue/electric yellow suits.

The one in the blue suit lifted her chin. “We want to say we’re sorry.”

I looked at her. “And who are you?”

I saw something then that made me shiver; a glimpse deep into someone’s soul. For a second her eyes were haunted, scared. A small child, helpless, lost, and alone. “We don’t know,” her voice was soft, forlorn.

I blinked. “You don’t know?”

The yellow suit spoke; the look in her eyes was very much like her sister’s. “When we were little, Mom and nannies took care of us. Mom’s not like organized. As far back as we can remember, no one kept us straight. Ginny and Toni; Toni and Ginny. It wasn’t until we started school that we learned that people only had one name. We thought we each had two.”

The blue suit kicked the sand. “School was hard. We didn’t know how to handle other kids. They picked on us, they made fun of us.”

The yellow suit’s voice was angry. “We fought back. Someone would hit us, we’d hit back, both of us. We found that if you blamed the other, they couldn’t be sure who did it. We traded names all the time. For a while, Dad tried to punish both of us, but Mom got upset, saying it wasn’t fair to punish someone for something they didn’t do.”